Figuring You Out
by AeriaGloriis
Summary: Rukia works at Seireitei Psych Ward, monitoring patients Byakuya, Tatsuki, Grimmjow, Ikkaku and Yumichika. In room 241 theres an orange haired guy with no medical charts or story and a bad attitude. Rukia pov, maybe some Ichigo later. Slight humor.
1. Chapter 1

I work at an insane asylum.

Actually, more commonly known as a psychiatric ward. I just prefer insane asylum better. Its ok I suppose. Not the average job for a twenty year old college student. Shit, not the average job for most but hey, someone's gotta do it. Plus, it ties into my choice of career pretty well I say. I'm in school for nursing. The way I look at it is, if I can take care of these special fools, I can take care of anyone. Harsh? Not really. I like my job, I really do, (I wouldn't be going to school for this shit if I felt otherwise. I mean c'mon!) but its rough.

My job description; I don't even know what that is. I swear when I "signed up" for this job I was supposed to be a receptionist. I don't have my degree yet so I cant really nurse the folks here; legally, that is. But, for some reason, I walk in and the higher ups immediately go all, "Kuchiki! I need you to monitor patients from rooms 235 to 240 today! Got it?" I'm pretty much confined to watching those same five individuals. Four dudes one chick. They're pretty awesome.

Kuchiki Byakuya. He's first on my rounds. Quiet, monotonic, _stoic._ My charts say he's suicidal depressive and suffers from extreme hallucination. Story behind that is this whole tragic love story. His wife was murdered. He found her disemboweled in their home. Jesus, it just _sounds _bad reading it. Anyway, he slipped into a deep depression. Who wouldn't? Started seeing his late wife everywhere, blood spattered and organs spilling. He claims she would blame him for her death every time he saw her. Byakuya apparently skipped out on work a lot; people noticed. That's how he got here. Poor guy had it rough for awhile. Suicide attempts; he wanted to be with her. He doesn't talk to me much, really only when he needs something or I ask him a question. His eyes have a dull, lifeless look though; especially when he's on his medication. He has bad dreams.

In room 236 we have Arisawa Tatsuki. I seriously don't know why she's here. Her records say she used to be some really kick-ass karate champ in her high school days. Story is when she was 19 she was competing on a national level. A couple days before her big meet, she got into a terrible car accident. Screwed up her right leg pretty fucking badly. Something happened at the accident where her leg was trapped, I'm not sure of the details; these charts just give me the bare minimal info. But it ended up as a traumatic amputation and she was left with nothing but a small stump, not even thigh length. She also slipped into depression and had strong bouts of extreme violence and anger towards herself and others. Now, at the age of 29, she has a complete failure to thrive. I feel bad for her, I really do, but I think she should have tried her best to look past that and moved on with her life. Its obvious that karate was extremely important to her, but damn.

Anyways, moving on. Grimmjow Jaegerjaques is the next patient I see. Doesn't his name just ooze sex and masculinity? His problem is a bit more complex. Not much background info on the guy. We are pretty sure he's of German descend or maybe from Russia, but with no real family to contact we just don't know for sure. Before he was admitted here, he was found in the basement of a family owned restaurant down the street. We still have no idea how he got there considering there were no signs of forced entry. The guy that found him told authorities that all he did was rant and rave about some man name Aizen Souske and how he royally fucked him over and was going to kill him. We still can't find this Aizen Souske.

Grimmjow never shuts up about Aizen Souske. It seems to torment him. On more than one occasion I have walked in his room to see him wrapped in his bed sheets, sitting criss cross applesauce, rocking back and forth muttering about damned two-faced traitorous shinigami and how he turned on the people he turned _to _after turning on the ones that he turned on _first_. Confusing? I know. We have to heavily sedate him sometimes because he becomes violently angry. Kind of like Tatsuki.

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques is shrouded in mystery. Maybe that's why I'm partial to him. Maybe its his burning electric blue hair (which I know is natural since he has been here for several months and no other color can be seen peeking up from his roots) and matching blue eyes that seem to pierce you when your not even gazing at them. It could be that devil-may-care smile that I only see when I walk into his room when he's not in one of his "spells" and after the meds have worn off.

Another strange thing about Grimmjow. When he's not spazing out and not a zombie due to his medication, he's a pretty cool guy. Rough around the edges a little, rude and foul mouthed that's for sure, but, I don't know. It's weird I guess. I see a normal person beneath his issues. I see normal people beneath all my patients, don't get me wrong. Terrible shit happened to all of them that they just couldn't quite handle. But Grimm is just different. He's real. I don't see any dull lifelessness in his electrifying orbs. I think he is utterly beautiful.

My last two mental cases (hehe, not funny I guess) are Madreme Ikkaku and Ayasegawa Yumichika. Their story is a pretty hilarious one, in my opinion. Sad though, they're too young to be locked and chained in here. Fresh out of college; both 23. Anyways, these guys were pretty heavy on the partying and they partied with the wrong bunch. Idiotic fools. Anyways, after waking up from a night of inebriation, intoxication, and fornication they found themselves to be the prime witnesses to a murder. Apparently someone was murdered at the party. While Ikkaku and Yumichika were high and drunk off their asses everyone found out about the murder and ran. The police arrived at the scene in the wee hours of the morning. When a passed out Yumichika and Ikkaku were revived and heard the news, they spazzed out hard. It's weird you know. The reports in both these guys doors (mainly Ikkaku's) say how much they loved to fight and how they were big time members of the local dojos. But they couldn't stand the thought of someone dying near them? Then again, fighting and dying are two totally different things.

Okay, I take it back, there is nothing hilarious about their story but _damn _if I don't get a kick out of visiting them. Yumichika thinks I'm beautiful. He thinks exactly three things are beautiful here. One is me, yay! One is himself, and the other is his heterosexual life partner Ikkaku. Ikkaku is just funny. He's constantly telling me these awesome "war" stories that are really crazy which always involve Yumichika and this big guy that comes to visit them both occasionally. And he's so passionate about them! He acts some scenes' out for me. When I walk in the room, he never fails to do his "lucky dance". He's lucky that he gets such a kick ass nurse, at least that's what he says.

I know that their estranged behavior is due to the murder. Cause when I walk into their rooms and everything is quiet, they have this far away look in their eyes. I'm sure they know more about the night of the party than they let the police know.

I always go in that order. Byakuya first, then ending with Yumichika. Yumichika's room is at the end of one half of the psych ward, right next to a set of double doors. On the other side of those doors are rooms 241 to 280, I think. I'm not even all that sure how many room there are on each floor. Room 241. I never really see anyone going in and out that room to monitor that patient. I wouldn't even know there was someone in there had I not seen the guy before. It was just last week. He's got these broad shoulders, his height is impressive. On top of those broad shoulders is a slightly thick but sculpted neck. He's got the body of someone who plays sports, probably baseball. On top of that neck is a spiky mess of orange hair. It's so bright! I smiled when I saw it. But that was all I saw. He walked past those double doors and went to his room and lightly closed the door behind him.

Since that day last week I've been trying my damnedest to get another glimpse of this nameless patient that resides in room 241, just beyond my monitoring area. I do my rounds but I find myself loitering outside Yumichika's room sometimes, inching my way past those double doors. But I'm apprehensive. I really want to see this guys face and I have no idea why. Just that glimpse of him, lasting only a couple seconds, got me so curious. I want to see the man behind the pretty orange hair, impressive shoulders and imposing height. I want to know why he walked with a droop in those shoulders. I want to know why the other nurses don't check up on him often. I want to know why I have worked here for over 2 months and am just now figuring out that someone is even living in room 241.

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I walk into Seireiti Psychiatric Ward early Tuesday morning and immediately get yelled at in the face.

"Kuchikiiiii! I need you to monitor patients from rooms 235 to 240 today!"

I roll my eyes but put on a charming smile. "Okay sir! Thank you for informing me on where I will be assigned today."

"And Kuchiki, I'm adding one more room to your rounds. Room 241. Patient Kurosaki Ichigo. That's all. Well hop to it girl, don't just gape at me! It's only one more person. It's not like I gave you watch over the whole floor!"

The head honchos voice kind of faded out for me after he said 241. Oh snaps! My mystery man! What did he say my dudes name was? Oh well, I'll figure it out when I get there.

I say another quick thank you and put extra sparkles in my smile before heading off to the stairs.

My heart is beating hella fast. I approach room 241 slowly and gently grasp the chilled metal door handle. I bite my lip and put a little pressure on that door handle.

I take a deep breath and lean into the door.

Curious, I'm so curious.

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**my first attempt at writing anything for entertainment purposes. im really anxious to know what people think so, if you would, review? **


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach (oops. forgot last time)

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Didn't I say I was apprehensive? And now it's rolling back to me in harsh waves. I'm still ridiculously and inexplicably curious, but my stomach hurts and I honestly don't think I can take going in this room right now, for whatever reason. I give a quick shake of my head and backtrack down the hall.

I decide to stick to my original schedule and check on my Bya-kun first. As soon as I open his door he dismisses me with a flick of his wrist. He does this often. I'll stop by twice more before I go to lunch.

Tatsuki pleads me to get her the hell out of this hell hole as soon as I open _her _door. I'm constantly telling her to go talk to her psychiatrist and have her help her get better so that she can leave. I tell her that again today. She just gives me a blank look and a hard smile before cursing me and the other nurses here on our inadequacy. I give her a soft smile in return and ease out of her room. I wish the woman would try harder.

"Hey sexy nurse. I miss your midget ass when the night shift nurses come. They're all old and annoying and bitch at me for stupid shit like cursing." Grimmjow says to me when I walk through his door. He's got that crooked yet totally sexy smirk on his face that does crazy things to my pulse rate.

"Jaegerjaques-san, you know your not supposed to talk to me like that" I feel the blush heating up my cheeks as he gives me the once over. I watch his smirk widen to a grin as my face heats up more and more.

"I can't help it if I love you ten gazillion times more than those old farts." he purrs to me. How does he make "old farts" sound amazing?

"Well Grimm, I really don't know what to say to you because those old farts are going to come again tonight. I can't stay here all day and wait on you." I give all my patients pet names. Grimmjow is the only one that gets to hear it though. Byakuya would probably kill me with a glance if I called him Bya-kun to his face.

He pouts at me, which has me melting. I walk out of his room before he ask me to come to his bed. He's done it before.

Ikkaku is in high spirits today. He greets me at the door and holds his hand out to me in silent offering. I take a moment to look at it. What the hell. I take his hand and we "lucky dance" our way into his room. Physical contact between patients and employees is frowned upon, maybe even forbidden but I take my chances and dance with Ikkaku every so often. He has me giggling like a school girl in no time.

Our whirlwind of a dance ended rather abruptly. I look up and I see my "warrior's" face drain of color along with that familiar panic-stricken look that crosses it every now and then. In three seconds flat the look is gone, replaced with a feral grin and now he's spouting out about some winter war. I've heard the story at least 7 times over.

I lightly sigh and cut in his story telling here and there with a "cool" "do you need anything today?" "how was your night?".

I figure that he's alright for the time being and leave before he starts a reenactment. He gets so hyped sometimes; things end up broken. It scares me.

I walk down the hall to Yumichika's room and for some reason I can't take my eyes off the room on the other side of those double doors. I feel a spike in my heart rate for the umpteenth time this morning. What the hell is my deal? I'm acting like a freak over someone whose face I haven't even _seen_. More sighing. I avert my eyes and go to Yumi's room.

"Ayasegawa-san? I'm here to check on you and see if you need anything." I say while knocking on his door and simultaneously peeking through a small crack I opened for myself. I have do things like this, say exactly this every morning or else Yumichika freaks the fuck out. He hates for people to see him before he's done beautifying himself. I think he's a bit OCD too because if I don't say those exact words while knocking he screams at me, whether he's beautified or not.

I get no response so I ease in his room and shut the door behind me.

Yumichika looks like shit.

I didn't even think that was humanly possible for him.

I rush over to where he is sitting up in bed. "Ayasegawa-san? What's the matter? Is everything alright?" I ask, even though I can tell that it's not.

He looks at me with hazed over and dead eyes. "No Mistress Beautiful. I did not sleep well. My dreams were filled with the most unbeautiful things…" he trails off and stares straight ahead.

I know that Yumi sees bad things in his sleep, but I've never walked in on him in the morning looking this off.

"Ayasegawa-san, I'm going to give you something to help you get some sleep ok?" I tell him. He is non-responsive but I've dealt with him while he's in a stupor before. I can handle him.

I get him to swallow his meds and lay him down. He'll be fine. I'll just come by and peek in on him once I'm done in room 241.

Walking out of Yumi's room just put a damper on my spirits. I feel pretty bummed, to say the least. Yumichika looks like warmed over shit cakes, Ikkaku is spazing over this forever damned "winter war" to get his mind off of whatever craziness is going on in it, Tatsuki is depressed, and Byakuya doesn't want me anywhere near him. Grimmjow is the only one being "normal". My mental instabilities (the group nickname I gave them) aren't doing the best this morning.

And oh shit….

I'm about to go into no mans land. I _know _I've never seen anyone go in and I _know _he has been here for some time. At the least, 3 months. I wonder if he has a problem. Well, more so than the other occupants. Tch, whatever. It doesn't matter. I can take it _and _him.

I walk around the partitioning door separating me and the terror that has to be room 241's resident.

I look into the attached crate hanging from the door. May as well get some info on this guy before I go into his room. Kurosaki Ichigo. Oh yeah, that's what his name is. But where the hell are his charts?

The only piece of info in here is his name plate. Damn. It's actually very important that I have his history to look at. It helps all of us who work here know how to deal with each patient. I'll have to report his missing charts later.

I open the door and the first thing I notice is how dark it is. Oh wait. He's opening the blinds, letting his room spill with color and sunlight. Once again I take note on his ridiculous height, broad shoulders and lean body. And the spiky poof of brilliant orange hair! I can't help but feel one corner of my mouth quirk up.

I know he knows I'm there, yet he doesn't turn around, which annoys me. I clear my throat loudly, rather rudely actually, but I don't care. He sighs just as loudly and turns around.

Um, wow. My smile immediately drops.

His eyes…they're even more electrifying than Grimm's, even though his are a shade of electric blue. Brown just does not do Kurosaki Ichigo any type of justice. They're like a shade of amber that I've never seen before. They look like the light is reflecting off of them, even though his back is facing the open window. Man, his eyes…they're drowning, just _dazzling_.

I'm gaping, I know this, but I can't stop.

I snap myself out of it just enough to realize he's staring at me too. Maybe not with such open lust as I was (Kami, I hope I wasn't too bad._) _but he's staring just the same. I can't really read his eyes or his facial expression but he is looking at me with a quiet intensity. Hm, maybe it's intense dislike, considering the way he is frowning at me. No, he's downright scowling!

My heart speeds up for what, the 65th time today? I might need to get that checked out. It's not healthy.

Well this is slightly awkward, what with us just standing here staring at each other. So I open my mouth and break the silence.

"Hello, I'm Kuchiki Rukia. I'm going to be your nurse and I'll be checking in on you from time to time…" Ok, he's still scowling at me and it is starting to bother me in more ways than one.

He scoffs at me and plops his long, lean body in the chair near the window. Now he's scowling at the floor, which makes me want to laugh.

"Thanks, Rukia, was it? But I'm good."

He sounds strangely…tired. And gruff. Like he has the weight of the world resting on his shoulders. But his voice, it's so strong. Full of power and determination. It stirs something in me. It doesn't have that silky sexy quality that Grimmjow's does, yet it moves me just the same. Moves me in weird ways that I'd rather not dwell on. I want to hear him talk more. I could listen to him talk for hours. I want to hear him say Rukia again. Just once more…

"Rukia," I smile involuntarily. "Rukiiia, Ruuukia. Kuchiki Rukia!" Why is he saying it like that? Don't ruin my moment you fool. My smile fades. "Um, nurse?"

"Y-yes, um Kurosaki-san. You _do_ need something, don't you?" I fold my arms and put on a self-satisfied smirk. At least I try to. I think I almost swooned back there.

"Actually no, I don't. I was trying to figure out what it was you were getting all dazed over. You had this far-away look on your face and it was giving me the creeps." he looks smug.

"O-oh, I was just thinking about how you look totally insane scowling at everything and nothing at all." Ha! Bless my quick wit. Curse this damned blush.

His scowl deepens and for some reason I'm sad. I didn't mean to make him angry with what I said. Especially since what I said was a complete lie. He doesn't look insane at all. To me.

"Listen. I'm just trying to do my job here. It would benefit us both if you would cooperate and let me know if u need anything so I can get out of your orange. I-I mean hair!" Oh my gosh. I have to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from busting out from my slip-up. I seriously did not mean to say that but it's so funny!

I don't think his scowl can get much deeper. His eyes bore into my struggling form for a few seconds before he turns around. He scoffs, again, and says something low under his breath, but just loud enough for me to hear though. It sounded strangely like the word bitch…

I gasp in my head but keep my outer expression the same. He did not just call me a bitch. He just called me a bitch!

My brows draw together and now _I'm _the one making the angry face. I only let it sit for a few seconds before speaking.

"Well Kurosaki-_kun,_ I see that you do not need anything for the time being. I'll leave you to yourself and I'll be back again before I go on break." I say in a cheerful manner while plastering on a fake smile.

His head snaps towards me at what I assume is the 360 degree change in my demeanor.

Our eyes lock.

I can read them now. There's so much going on in his gaze that I forget about being pissed. I see annoyance in his honey-ambers. But beneath that I see something akin to hurt. Years of hurt, maybe guilt. I can't look away. Like I said, his eyes are drowning.

With our eyes connected I back up to the door and reach behind me for the handle. I open the door and ease out of his room, breaking myself from the pain.

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A/N: i think i screwed up. im confused on how to add chapters. sooo, if anything poped up that was like 400 words, disregard plz.

and thanks to those 3 ppl who reviewed, and the others that added it to favorites and story alerts. it made me happy!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimor- I do not own Bleach. Also, if I offend anyone with my seemingly disregard for the way i refer to peoples different states of mental instabilities, I AM SORRY. This fic is for total entertainment purposes and i always say if you can't make light of the shit life throws you then,....that sucks and you will be unhappy.

* * *

Well yesterday was a tiny piece of hell. I've had worse, dealt with worse, seen worse but yesterday just _felt_ worse. By the time I left Kurosaki Ichigo I was depressed and had a major headache. Other peoples moods have always affected me that way. When someone around me is upset, I get upset. When someone is depressed, I get my own little mini bought of depression. When someone close to me is crying, my faucets start flowing too. It's so pathetic. I hate it.

Going home to my beloved itty bitty box of an apartment couldn't even get me out of my funk. My head was still hurting, my sadness still there and when I stepped inside I felt anger blossoming along with all that other shit. Fucking Chappy (my St. Bernard pooch) had peed on the floor, sat in it, and climbed his big smelly ass in my bed. And I was thinking about snuggling up with my big baby and watching some movies. Needless to say , those movies did not get watched and Chappy is smelling a lot better.

All in all, all that shit is what accounted for my highly shitty day.

I walked into Serietei Psychiatric Ward on the most overcast and cloudiest of days. I paused a little too long walking through the revolving doors and had to go through the cycle twice. When I finally walk out the doors my face scrunched up on reflex; my eyes snapped shut while I stood stock still with open ears. Wait for it, wait for it…

I heard a door to my immediate left creak open; the office. I braced myself for the inevitable screaming that was sure to ensue. But none comes. I hear soft footfalls instead of loud stomping. I ease open one of my eyes to see two nurses walking past me with curious and worried looks.

"Kuchiki, something wrong?" Sentaro asked, eyeing me warily.

"Oh my gosh! Kuchiki-san! Are you ill?!" Kiyone shrieked.

"Oh no! I'm fine; everything's fine!" I said frantically while waving my hands around. I don't want to alarm Kiyone, lest she runs and finds Dr. Unohana-san. "Um, by the way, have either of you seen Iemura-sama. I needed to talk to him about some missing charts from patient Kurosaki Ichigo's room."

"What room is he in?" asked Sentaro

"Yeah, what room is he in Kuchiki-san?" parrots Kiyone. They glare at each other and open their mouths to start one of their infamous verbal spars.

"Um, room 241!" I said quickly, trying to derail them from the yelling match. My headache is still present.

Kiyone scratches the top of her sandy head while wearing a slightly confused look on her face. Sentaro looks as if he is in the process of doing the same when he stops; his hand is halfway to his head. His features brighten considerably.

"Oh! You've got that Kurosaki kid!"

_Kid? _My hand moves to the top of my head but I stop myself before I start scratching. "Um, yeah." I said a little slowly. Hmm, must be some other Kurosaki he mixed up with mine. I tune back in to see Kiyone chattering away and realize I have heard nothing she said. I put on a cheery smile and some sparkles and act like I've heard everything.

"Oh yeah," I chuckle. "Well I gotta run guys. Let me know when Iemura-sama gets in. I need to talk to him." I said while taking little steps backwards towards the stairs.

"Iemura-_sama _won't be in till late today." Sentaro says his name with malice. I guess he hates calling that hot headed sunglass wearing freak _sama_ as much as I do.

"Oh, ok. Well thanks!" I wave to Kiyone, turn around, open the door and trot up the stairs.

* * *

"Kuchiki-san, did you not sleep well?" I ask Byakuya. It's still weird in a fun way to listen to myself call someone besides me Kuchiki. I wonder how many Kuchiki's there are in Japan…

"It is none of your concern whether I was able to sleep or not." Byakuya says to me, which has me frowning disapprovingly. I look over him again with a critical eye. He is sitting up in the chair by the window. His spine is erect but it looks as though he is putting in a lot of effort to sit so straight. His midnight black hair is down around his shoulders; nice and neat, not a strand out of place. I look up a little more to his face. His face looks beautifully pale, yet drawn. His eyes are slightly red rimmed and he is looking at me with this I-dare-you-to-say-anything-else-about-my-state-of-well-being look. My disapproving frown deepens.

"Kuchiki-san, if you are not feeling well, please, let me know. Anyone who walks in here can see that you are either ill, or were up all night with no sleep." I said with a little exasperation in my voice. His eyes flash a warning at me but I don't care. His head swiftly turns and he is staring out the window. I see he is watching me through the reflection in the large plate of glass. I sigh heavily.

"I'm going to leave a dose of your sleeping medication right here okay?" I place a small plastic cup with two pills on his bedside table. I see he already has a cup of water. When I look up I see that he has closed his eyes, probably in annoyance. I hear a sigh come from him as well. Yep, annoyance. Aristocratic fool.

* * *

"So I heard you got another one of us yesterday." She refers to herself and all the other patients here as "us" ,"the crazies". So affectionate. I'm actually surprised at how vocal she is being with me. By now, Tatsuki would have cursed me and the rest of the ward all to hell.

I lean on her wall and cross my arms over my chest. I let a small smile appear on my face. I'm really pleased that she's at least talking to me.

"His name is Kurosaki Ichigo. You know, in room 241? Right past the double doors next to Ayasegawa-san's room?"

She gives me an incredulous look, then starts laughing. I'm a little taken aback. I've never seen her so much as crack a real smile, and now she's laughing merrily? Tatsuki is sitting in her wheel chair which is rocking back and forth due to her laughter.

"Arisawa? Um, are you okay?" Stupid, I know, but I really don't know what else to say.

"Kurosaki Ichigo? What's that little punk doing here? My kid sister used to whoop his ass everyday at the dojo! It was so pathetic! He was so weak." She can barely get her words out around her fits of giggles.

Hmm, well what do you know? She knows him. Strange, Yumi-chan and the Warrior know each other too. What a small ass world it is!

Something is wrong with what she said but nothing is clicking in my brain. Oh well. I see she is not going to stop laughing anytime soon so I step out and wander across the hall to Gimmy's.

Grimm is sleeping. Shirtless. He's all sprawled haphazardly across his bed, one tanned leg is sticking out from beneath the sheets. All the way up to the thigh. He must have shed his pajama pants too. I take a moment longer to admire him while he sleeps. He's truly an attractive man. His hair is tousled yet it looks perfectly styled. His mouth is closed, which is nice. I'm weird, but I have a pet-peeve about people sleeping with their mouths all open. It disturbs me. His face is smooth and relaxed, no signature crooked smirk. Thank Kami. I might have had and orgasm just looking at him.

I'm blushing as I leave his room. I curse myself. I'm so hopeless.

* * *

Ikkaku is missing.

His room is nice and tidy but he is nowhere in sight.

I hear a _boom _and a_ crash _and much gigglingcome from room 240. Figures. Damn fools.

I rush over and don't even bother knocking. They're wrestling. Innocent enough I guess but if they are caught, it's my job. I really don't want to ruin their fun though. I watch as they roll around and I notice Yumi is surprisingly good. Whenever Warrior-san gets him in some type of hold Yumichika is able to break it. For a self-proclaimed pretty boy, he can hold his own in a wrestling match.

They keep going for a while longer. I'm leaning against the closed door when I see Yumi-chan get Ikkaku in a rough hold. I walk over to them and drop to the floor. I slap a hand to the ground and start counting. "One!" _slap "_Two!" _slap _"Three!" _slap._ "Ayasegawa Yumichika is the winner!" I stand and drag him to a standing position with me. I grab his wrist and hold it up in the air; it only reaches a little above his neck since I am, _ahem, _fun sized.

Yumichika and Ikkaku instantly start talking to me at once about the specifics of wrestling once I drop Yumi's hand. Ikkaku is sitting on Yumi's bed, Yumi is in the window side chair and I take up my place in front of the door. I listen with mild attention; its just so refreshing to see them relaxed. I'm really not allowed to let them visit each other; each floor has a couple hours for visitation everyday down stairs in the recreation room. Aside from the daily free time, these guys are pretty much confined to their rooms. I bend the rules for Yumichika and Ikkaku because I know they genuinely feel better when they spend time together. I'd gladly do the same for my other mental instabilities but Tatsuki and Bya-kun hate most forms of human interaction and Grimmjow harasses everyone. I wonder how well Kurosaki gets along with the others…

Kurosaki…gotta check on Kurosaki now.

"Madreme, I need you to head on back to your room now. You do know your not supposed to be leaving your room without permission? I could get in some really deep trouble. Do you want me to get fired?" I ask mildly.

He rolls his eyes and smirks, then offers me his arm. I grin at him, pat his shiny head (which he _hates_) and take his proffered arm. He growls at me. Whatever. Ikkaku is really a sweetheart inside though I suspect that me and Yumichika are the only ones that know it.

I shove Ikkaku through his door and close it behind him, then turn and head on past those double doors. I feel that increasingly familiar influx in my heart rate. My face scrunches up. I'm getting worried about myself.

I'm right in front of the door now. I grasp the chilled door handle and push down while thrusting the door in and knock, all at the same time.

Kurosaki Ichigo is, once again, standing by the window though the curtains are already drawn this time. His back gets rigid once he knows I'm here. He keeps it to me, his back. I don't like it. I want him to face forward, look at me and talk.

"Oi. Fruit tart. A-are you feeling okay this morning? Was your night alright? Do you need anything? Do you think you could, um you know, acknowledge me…? I started out strong but it just kind of died out there at the end. He turned around as soon as "acknowledge" left my mouth.

His eyes are synonymous with slow burning embers. A silky golden amber. Just…beautiful.

"Fruit tart?" he says with an inflection, scowl already in place. The right corner of my mouth quirks upwards. I put on my "superior" pose. Feet apart, left hand placed on my hip, right arm outstretched, finger pointing to his perfectly spiky patch of orange hair.

"Your hair is citrusy but your face is all sour, tarty, and bitter. C'mon. I know you must have heard that one before." I say with a laugh in my voice and a slight smile on my face. I look up and see him staring at me with those amber burning embers. He adverts his eyes after a minute and I hear him scoff.

My eyes are taken by him. I see the minute detail of the right side of his sculpted, oh so sculpted mouth quirk upwards. The scowl that I was beginning to think was permanent is softened somewhat. So much better than that smug look he gave me yesterday. That slight smirk is, hands down, the most beautiful most perfect thing I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I'm blushing furiously, I know. I bite my lip and quickly look away.

He scoffs again. "Yeah, you're going to have to do better than that shorty." his husky, gruff and rough voice puts butterflies in my stomach; hell, my chest too.

_Shorty._ "You're right, I probably could but, unfortunately I'm really only supposed to be here to fuss over you. No problems? No troubles at all?"

I look up to see his long and lean body is now slouched over in his chair. Elbows rest on his knees while his head is angled down and he gazes at the linoleum. He shakes his head slowly. "Nah, no problems, no troubles at all." he says quietly. He turns his head to the side and gazes at me through his bangs. There is an upward inclination to his mouth again, only this time there is no slight amusement to it. His mouth looks slightly mocking, or maybe filled with a little irony though his tone nor his words were. And then I realize what I just said, and where the hell I am.

"Shit, I'm sorry Kurosaki-san. I forgot myself, I meant no disrespect. I…tend to open my mouth without thinking." I apologize. I _am_ sorry. That was totally insensitive.

He lifts his head all the way up and gives me a startled look. Um, okay. I try again.

"I said I was sorry?" I say with an upward inflection to my voice. "What I said could have easily been taken the wrong way. I was not taking any jabs at you or anyone else in this building. I, just…want you to know that." He is still giving me this look that I really can't read so I look down, a little ashamed of myself. My face is burning; I am a fool. I look up again quickly when I hear some movement.

Ichigo is standing now, looking to the side and shaking his head. He throws his arms over his head and stretches his long body. His shirt rides up, exposing a small expanse of his flat tanned abs, belly button, and something a little lower. I blush and look up in time to catch his eyes.

I offer him a small, shy smile. His eyes stray from my face for two or so seconds. He bites his lip, looks back over to me and…gives me his own smile back.

* * *

A/N: I have had numerous people add this story to their favs and story alerts and yet i've only gotten 3 reviews for the last two chapters. if you like the story, tell me what it is you like. if you dont, tell me what it is that sucks so i can fix it. all reviews are welcome. even flames :) one cannot get better without feedback....so if you have taken the time to read all this, drop me a review please!


	4. Chapter 4

**HAPPY BLEACHNESS GUYS!**

if you haven't checked out Fade to Black, DO IT! i liked it alot though i've noticed theres a fair chunk of people out there who didn't. so many sweet little ichiruki moments throughout! the way his voice cracked and he sounded close to _tears_ when he talked to Rukia the first time...*sigh*. but then again, maybe i imagined it all. you know, cause us ichiruki fans are "delusional" and "see shit thats not there" blah blah, more blah.

anyways, enough of the fangirling. as you can see, i was in the spirit and wrote entirely too much. this almost doubles the last chapter in words. i couldn't stop. it was crazy lol. hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

* * *

I am royally pissed.

It's five o'clock. I've been here since nine. Eight hours already, right? Yes. But can I leave? No! Apparently the old farts, yeah the ones that Grimm hates, aren't able to be here on time. Which fucking sucks because I have to stay here until Unohana-san can find someone to cover for them. And what sucks more is that it's Friday. I have a date with Chappy, a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and my bed. But wait, what sucks most of all is that my patients are more off than usual, which started my whole royally pissed mood. And now I am being forced to stay here with them for who knows how long…

Don't get me wrong, they all have a special place in my heart, it's just that one can only take so much of the abnormal in one day. They weren't really being too abnormal today; just pissy and annoying. Bya-kun has been cursing me out all day with his noble Kuchiki glare, Ikkaku and Yumichika got a hold of some candy (Dear Kami) somehow (I think it was that big guy with the jingle bells in his hair that comes to see them once a week), Tatsuki is depressed, Grimmjow had to be sedated, and Kurosaki is…just fine.

I still haven't been able to figure out what exactly is wrong with him. Since I've been monitoring him for the past week I have not really had anything to complain about. Sure he's a little moody, but I expect that considering he spends his every waking moment in a mental hospital. Not for the first time now, I'm wishing I had his charts. I _need _his charts. Iemura-sama has been MIA all week and I had been wandering to his office everyday before I found out he's on vacation. He'll be back on Monday. I have to make sure I remember to talk to him.

The absence of Kurosaki Ichigo's charts is not the only thing about him that has been on my mind. It's been nearly 4 days since he showed me his true and genuine smile but it's almost all I think about when I'm at home. The frown lines in between his eyes were virtually wiped free. He looked surprisingly boyish. His head was kind of cast down, which caused him to have to look at me through his bangs. He looked like a little kid! A shy little kid! Something about his smile was just so sweet and cute. A little piece of me melted for him that day.

* * *

"Kuchiki-san, it's nearly 5:30. The nurse that takes over for you normally takes them down to eat with the rest of the floor by now." Kiyone tells me as we passed each other in the hall.

Hm, I thought it was weird that I saw no one milling around on this side of the hallway.

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll round up the troops." I grumble.

I go to Tatsuki's room first. I have a feeling she will be the one to give me the most hell.

I knock on her door and open it when I hear a muffled "come in".

"What're you still doing here? What the hell?" she questions when she sees me. She is propped up in her wheel chair, which is sweet. I smile to myself. She gives me a worried look upon seeing the smile on my face.

"Oh, I'm just here to fetch you for dinner." I see a myriad of emotions cross her face. Confusion, anxiety, anger, fear, helplessness, frustration.

"B-b-but Kuchiki! I am always allowed to eat in here! The nurse brings me my food from the cafeteria!" She sounds as if she is on the brink of pleading with me. I consider her words, then shake my head. I watch her as I decline her request and realize that her eyes are on the verge of spilling over with tears. I don't want to come off as nurse bitchness but really, if Tatsuki doesn't get out of this room and try to socialize and just be normal she is going to be in here forever. She can't keep locking herself out from the outside world if she has any hope of being able to return to it as an independent adult. I keep telling myself its for the better as I watch her angry and panic stricken face.

I quickly walk over and grab a hold of the back of her wheel chair before she can reach for her crutches. "C'mon Arisawa-san. I'm trying to do you a favor here. If Unohana-san hears about you getting out of your room she'll see that as progress for you. And the more progress you make, the quicker it will be till you get to leave." I try and cheer her up. She has an impressive scowl on her face. She points to a small quilt like blanket on the end of her bed. I'm confused for a second until I look down, then I immediately understand. I grad it and drape it over her shorts clad leg, and stump.

"You know Arisawa-san, you have _no_ reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with y-" she holds up a hand, silencing me.

"Shut up and take me before I kick your ass. I'm hungry." she threatens me. I can't see her face but I know she is glowering. I smirk. Good ole Tats.

* * *

We role over to Bya-kun's room next. I figure he will be a pain in my ass as well.

I knock on his door and keep an eye on Tatsuki; she had better not try to escape.

"Enter" says Byakuya, so we enter. He looks startled when he sees me, then even more startled when he spies Tatsuki. She gives him a lazy wave then settles for looking out his window.

"What is it Kuchiki Rukia?" Whenever he addresses me directly, it's always Kuchiki Rukia, which I find a little unsettling.

"Well Kuchiki Byakuya, I'm going to be here for a little while longer and I was informed that it's dinner time. So, shall we?" His eyes flash at me when I say his full name, much the way he said mine. Tatsuki turned from the window when I started speaking and gave me a wicked smirk when she heard me say "Kuchiki Byakuya". I figured she would appreciate me riling up the indomitable man.

"I am well aware that it is time for dinner. I am permitted to eat all of my meals in the slight comfort my room provides me with." He says all this to me with an upturned nose.

"Kuchiki-san, don't you think it would be nice to be around other individuals, you know, other than myself and the other staff?" I try and bribe him with some peer interaction. I mean seriously, he has got to be sick of just seeing the same 3 or so people and the same room daily.

"I do not believe it would." he sniffs. Apparently he can't be bribed and apparently he is not sick of seeing the same faces.

"Oh put a sock in it Byakuya! And bring your ass on. She's not leaving until you do, so do us all a favor and come the fuck on! I'm hungry!" Tatsuki looks as though she is ready to pounce. I quickly grab her wheelchair and turn her around. I turn around to see that Bya-kun is putting on a black bathrobe and his house shoes. I am suitably amazed.

"Thanks Arisawa-san." I whisper in her ear as I push her through the door. She looks back at me, then over my shoulder to a sulking Byakuya. When she turns around I hear a light chuckle coming from her.

"No prob."

* * *

"Grimm, you cannot walk out of your room with no shirt on!" He won't put his shirt on! I have been standing in his room for the past 5 minutes trying to convince him to get totally dressed so we can leave. I left Byakuya outside and put him in charge of watching Tatsuki; she's probably trying to escape now that I'm not near. Actually, I'm worried that they both have escaped to their respective rooms. I throw the shirt I was holding out to Grimmjow at his face (he laughs) and crack the door open to peek at them. Byakuya is looking out into the distance and Tatsuki is frowning.

"I'm really sorry guys but patient _Jaegerjaques _is giving me a bit of a hard time. Give me 3 more minutes!" I close the door before I can hear them protest.

"Grimmjow Jaegerjaques you _will _put a shirt on and we _are_ going to leave right now!" I growl at him as I stalk towards him.

He has that devil-may-care-but-I-don't-give-a-shit smirk on his face. My stomach tightens unexpectedly as I feel the onset of a burning blush heat up my face. His smirk doesn't falter but I notice that his eyes are not as bright and lively as normal. They actually look pretty heavy lidded. Oh yeah. Grimm had to be sedated earlier. Aizen Souske apparently made another appearance in his head. Poor guy.

I sigh heavily and pick up his discarded shirt. I hold it out for him once again. "Grimm _please._ I'm not used to the whole dinner time fiasco. I'm stressed. I'm tired. This is going on my ninth hour of work. Please, work with me."

Grimm's face softens until I think I am looking at a genuine smile coming from him. I'm shocked, to say the least. I continue to look at his face in awe and wonder when he lifts his right hand, pointing to the shirt I am clutching to my chest. His face changes again only this time he's sporting a rather sheepish look. Something else I've never seen him wear.

"I had a reason for not putting the shirt on. My arm is stiff as hell; I can barely move it. The bastard faggot nurse that came in here with that fucking shot stabbed the shit outta me. See, look." he points to his upper left arm with a pouting face. He looks like a child with a booboo. It's endearing.

His arm looks pretty bad though. Clearly, whoever came and gave him the sedative did a completely shitty job. A large bruise is forming, about the size of a golf ball. It's turning a nasty dark brown and greenish color too. I look up to his eyes with a serious frown on my face.

"Grimm, you should have let someone know! Who did this? They could get into trouble for malpractice because-" he cuts me off with a long suffering sigh.

"I was se-date-ed" he says to me as if I'm slow "I wasn't exactly in the position to cry for help. Anyways, can you help me get the damn shirt on? I can lift my arm to about here, but from there it gets all numb and tingly and painful and shit."

He has his arms stretched out in front of him at an angle level with his chest. I look at him and sputter for a couple of seconds. All the while, I feel myself blushing bright. "Grimm I am not about to dress you!" I finally get out. He just looks at me. I look at him. We look at each other for a full minute (which is hella long to look at a half naked Grimmjow Jaegerjaques) before I give a little frustrated scream and open the shirt up.

I position the shirt to where he can easily slide his arms through the sleeves. As I watch him stoop to my level, his back bending for me, something wicked and naughty flashes through my mind. I have the incredible urge to grab his head and push it down further. Between my legs, further. Images of me and him. No shirt on like he is now but we are no longer standing. I look down to my parted legs; his amber eyes flash hungrily at me while he eats me alive. His eyes are visible but I can't see his orange hair that my hands are deeply buried in.

My hands graze his back and sides as the shirt slides over his smooth skin and firm muscles. But wait. The shirt's going the wrong way. Down instead of up. On instead of off. I look up and everything is all wrong. Blue? Blue everything. Hair, eyebrows and eyes. Where is the refreshing citrus I crave? The intense burnt russet amber I thought I saw? The mouth is wrong too. Cocky sensuality instead of that contradictingly hesitant and confident smirk. Or that sweet and shy brilliance that I got to see just once before…

........

What. The. Hell.

Focus comes crashing back to me tenfold. Grimmjow's face is two inches away from mine. He is wearing a curious look. I see his hand come up and go for my forehead, like he is about to flick me. I blindly shot my hand up to fend him off. My index finger goes into one of his eyes while my thumb slides up a nostril as I shove his face away from mine.

"Gyah! My fucking eye! My damn nose!"

"Come on!" I yell

"I was just checkin to see if u were ok. Your cheeks got real red and shit." now he is pouting, again.

"Because you're a big flirt!" I half scream.

He chuckles.

* * *

I am thoroughly glad Yumi and Warrior-san did not give me any shit. I might have cried if they had.

When I knocked on Ikkaku's door, he almost knocked me over trying to hug me. Normally I'd just hug him back and give his back a few slow, circular rubs. But I can't do that today, not with three other patients behind me. I gently push him away and try telling him with my eyes that he cannot touch me in anyway. Not now. Ikkaku's funny like that. He's a very hands on type of guy. Like a baby, really. Gets comfort from the touch of another person. I worry he will be upset but one look into his eyes tells me otherwise. He just shrugs, looks over my shoulder to the others congregated around me and sprints to Yumichika's room.

Yumichika sparkles and prances out of his room, hands in front of him in classic fairy gesture. Funny, because I know he is not gay. "Field trip?" he questions upon seeing me. I shake my head.

"Nope, just dinner. I've got to get one more person, hold on. Two minutes, I promise." Tatsuki groans, Grimmjow lets out a long expanse of air, Byakuya is silent, Ikkaku is staring intently at Tatsuki and Yumichika is fawning over Byakuya- undoubtedly because of his quiet pale beauty.

I walk away from my group past the open set of double doors. I take a deep breath to try and still my rapidly beating heart. I lift my hand, hesitate for a second, then knock on 241's door.

"Yeah?" I hear his muffled reply. My heart picks up another few heart beats per minute at his voice. And suddenly I don't want to go in there. At all. Flashes of my mini fantasy/day dream flit through my head. Orange bobbing head between my spread legs, molten amber eyes gazing up at me as my back arches. I think I'm getting off just standing here.

I look over to my group. My eyes connect with Grimmjow's. I can't tell why it is he's looking at me like that but for some reason his intense scrutiny unsettles me. I motion for him to come over, which he does immediately. "What's up?"

"Can you…Can you please go in and get Kurosaki-san. H-he didn't respond to my knocking and I don't want to barge in on him." my voice sounds pathetic, even to me. Grimm gives me a hard look but doesn't press the issue. I'm grateful for that. He bust through the door while I backtrack down the hall.

"O-Oi! What the fuck!?" that's Kurosaki.

"Oi yourself. Lets go" Grimmjow now.

"I said what the fuck, and I meant it! What the fuck?!" Kurosaki is damn near screaming. Maybe I should intervene…

"Just put on that fucking hoodie and lets go. If the midget sees you in that beater she's gonna flip. She's weird like that, can't stand skin showing and all that." Grimmjow explains.

"Midget?" I hear some fumbling, more curse words being exchanged. Then I hear the door creak open wider. I quickly turn around and try to busy myself. I reach for the back of Tatsuki's wheelchair to resume my job of pushing her when I am lightly shoved out of the way. I scowl up to see Ikkaku send me a friendly glare and reach out to grab the handle to the wheelchair. I blink and realize that the two of them have been talking the whole time. I look to my left and see that Yumichika is still bothering Byakuya but nothing seems to be wrong.

"Rukia?" I feel a slight shiver run down my spine. I've been monitoring him for a week but this is only the second time I've ever heard him address me directly. I love it. My name rolling off his tongue and slipping through his lips is pure sin.

I keep my back turned to him. "Oh, Kurosaki-san. Yeah, I'm going to be here a while longer so I'm going to have to accompany you guys to dinner tonight. Please make sure you all have everything you need cause we are leaving now. I've spent the last 30 minutes trying to round you guys up!"

I have a tendency to do that. When I am flustered, embarrassed or confused I turn that into anger. A fault of mine. But I don't care.

* * *

The dining area is empty. There is another 50 minutes till the other side of the second floor gets to eat. I think about that. Kurosaki is technically part of that other half of the second floor. Is he supposed to come with me and my troops or some other group with his respective half of the hall? Oh well, I am under watch of him while I'm here.

They grabbed their food, which looks pretty shitty, when I realized I am fucking staving. I grab my own tray full of shit and follow my Grimmjow, who is directly in front of me. He stops abruptly, turns and looks at me. I look ahead and realize that everyone has stopped and is looking at me, as if for directions. Ridiculous! I sigh, roll my eyes and lead the way.

We end up at a table in the back of the empty cafeteria. The table has three seats on two sides and one seat on either end. I am sitting between a ravenous Yumichika and Ikkaku. They are eating as though they wont be fed for another several days. On the side of Ikkaku, the chair has been removed to let in Tatsuki's wheelchair. She glowers at everything while eating. She catches me looking at her and her eyes narrow a little more. I feel myself wanting to smile so I look away. On the side of Yumichika sits Byakuya, who sat there upon Yumichika's request. His gray eyes are cast down as he meticulously cuts his dry steak.

Grimmjow and Ichigo are the only ones sitting on the other side. They have a seat separating themselves. Grimmjow eats with as much gusto as Ikkaku and Yumi. He keeps his eyes on me while he eats though. I can tell he is trying to read me.

Grimm and I have real conversations. He actually knows me as a person and not just a health care practitioner. He can undoubtedly tell that something is up with me no matter how hard I try and keep it from him. More often than not, I think of him as a friend and not a patient. But what am I even trying to keep from him? A dirty little day dream? A naughty little fantasy? I could tell him about it. I could tell him about it and get it off my chest. It'd just be with much difficulty and large amounts of embarrassment. I'm thinking he'll probably find a way to get it out of me anyways. It's comforting, really. I know that he will just sit there and listen to me. He'd be one hundred percent serious with me if I asked it of him.

I look him in the eyes and mouth "later". His eyes flash with understanding, he nods and continues eating. Putting all his attention into his food. I smile faintly at him, my eyes lingering on his form.

I advert my eyes from him and they inadvertently land on the object of my confusion. It's the first time I have allowed my eyes to land on him since I checked in on him before I was supposed to leave. He has donned a loose fitting black hoodie, unzipped, hood up. Just the bangs of his perfectly orange hair are visible underneath. My eyes travel an inch south of his hair and connect with those beautiful browns. His eyes are smoldering as they pierce into mine. I'm smothering. My heart rate picks up, again. His eyes are intense; _this_ is intense. Just about the best staring contest I have ever had.

Staring contest? I blink and shake my head. What the hell? I almost laugh out loud at my own silly notions. I take one last quick peek up at him through my lashes while I shovel food in my mouth. Yuck, nasty.

I hear some snickering and turn my head towards the sound. I look to my right and see Ikkaku and Tatsuki hunched over their food. They whisper, laugh and smile at each other. My face, I'm sure, is showing my astonishment. Yeah Ikkaku is a friendly, talkative, lovable guy but _Tatsuki_ having a civilized conversation with someone beside me?! Half the time she's not even civilized to me, what with her trying to send me to Hell daily! I feel hope welling up inside of me for her. She's truly come along way. In just the span of a week too.

I finish off the last of my baked potato after glancing at the clock on the wall. It's getting late.

"We'll guys we better get moving. It's almost time for the other group to come down." I say as I stand from my seat and grab my plate. Ikkaku jumps to his feet and grabs the handles to Tatsuki's wheelchair, leaving his plate behind. I shake my head and grab his trash. I reach over to get Tatsuki's too when I see a large slightly tanned hand reach out and get it.

"Left in a hurry didn't they?" Ichigo asks me in his delightfully masculine voice. I glance to his face and see he looks slightly amused. His eyes shine with a strange combination of amusement and bewilderment as he watches the two zoom around with Tatsuki's wheels. His eyes shift over to mine and I realize that my glance has lasted longer than what is acceptable. I also realize that we are pretty close to each other; bent over to pick up the discarded trash of Ikkaku and Tats. His eyes are such a beautiful hue. I could gush over every aspect of his perfect eyes for hours. But, that forsaken scowl! It ruins the effect of those dazzling amber browns. Or does it intensify it? It doesn't matter. I just want to take it away, if only for a little while…

I gently place the stack of dirty plates back on the table. I notice that his eyes didn't waver from mine as my hand traveled down; I like that. I lift my hand back up and this time, he glances at it. His eyes cloud with confusion for a second until I swiftly bring my hand up higher and flick him between his eyes.

"What the- what the fuck was that for?!" he explodes at me after regaining his composure. He almost dropped his stack of plates when I flicked him. I bite back some laughter but I can't hold back my smile.

"You scowl too much Kurosaki. I'd like to see you without the frown lines."

His irritated expression softens somewhat and I can see that he tries to straighten his furrowed eyebrows; tries. I can't help it, I'm an impulsive person. I reach my hand up one more time and smooth it across his forehead and eyebrows, fingers brushing his surprisingly soft spiky hair. His skin is warm and soft beneath my hand. I want to linger, but I pull away from him.

His amber orbs are cast down when I pull my hand away; his bangs cover his already hidden eyes more. Why the shit did i just do that? I scared him. I freaked him the hell out, I know it. I am ashamed of myself. Harassing my patient, what was I thinking? I am a fool.

I feel myself flush in embarrassment as I reach for my plates and try me hardest to quickly get away from him. I speed over to put away the dirtied plates and cups and turn around to see Grimmjow rounding up on me.

"What was that all about, Midget?" he whispers to me.

"Later Grimm, later." I whisper back. Probably tomorrow, I think to myself. Unohana-san had better have found someone to cover for the night shift. I'm tired and it's making me act crazy and out of character. My eyes tingle and prickle. And now I'm about to cry? What the _fuck_?

I need to go home.

* * *

A/N: i feel like this chapter ended with a great big FAIL. i like how the first 5 pages turned out (this chapter is a little over 6) but its like after that i ran out of mojo. it took me 6 or so days to write the last page and a half after finishing the first 5 pages in 3 days....utterly epic fail...

and yeah, how about Rukia's nasty little thoughts? ut oh! just a heads up, this fic will probably have some sort of lemon later on. if you do not like that stuff, then i am sorry. the rating will change when the chapters get more citrusy.

but, thank you very much to the people who have reviewed so far. every review no matter how small means alot to me. SHOUT OUTS TO: MaRuune, smooshedpumpkins, Allyieh, ironjaw, zxGenesisxz, Nicc259, and Rendered Heartless

Anyways...comments, questions, concerns, flames, bashing? add it in a REVIEW please.  
Laterz!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or a Psych Ward.

* * *

Me and Chappy are running the streets.

I see people all around me give us amused, sidelong glances as I jog and he merrily pulls me along. Probably because I am, ahem, petite, and he is a damned monster (in size of course, he's my sweet baby after all).

We run and run and I steer him towards the park. Once we reach it, Chappy slows down and we walk quietly. It's a lovely mid-summer, mid July evening. I see the bench. The same wooden bench me and Chappy sit at every time I take him for a walk, usually just long enough for me to catch my breath. I guide him over to it and I plop down hard. I'm a little tired. That was an intense run. Chappy isn't though. He rummages through the nearby bushes aimlessly. I let go of his leash, too tired to hold on anymore. I don't worry though. He never strays too far from me, and if he did all I have to do is shout for him. He'll come a-running.

It's been a while since I have allowed myself to just sit at this bench for any length of time and admire the beauty of the trees and landscape. I pull my feet up onto the armrest, knees bent. I slowly and gently drop onto my back and place my head on the other side of the bench. My head starts to ache from where my high ponytail presses into it and the hard seat. I hear Chappy's reassuringly noisy breathing and see his dark brown and white face pop into view. He attempts to lick my mouth but I slap his face away. He just leans forward again and drops his head on my stomach, not fazed at all. I reach down and stroke his massive head.

I let my mind wander. It's been trying to do that all day, but I've been fighting. It's rare I get a whole weekend free of work (school and hospital related) but I have one now and I'm trying to make the most of it. Yet here I am, lying on a park bench with Chappy as the day grows increasingly darker, thinking about my last few minutes at work yesterday…

~_Flashback~_

"_Sooo, Tatsuki huh?" I heard Kurosaki say to Arisawa. We had made it to the second floor but everyone was still out in the hall, milling around. Oh, except Bya-kun. He immediately went to his room, much to Yumichika's dismay. _

_As I stood next to Grimmjow and pretended to pay attention to what he is saying, I waited for her answer. I had only found out a few days ago that they were acquainted previously and I was curious as to how they knew each other._

_She turned from her door. She was in the process of leaving too, since Ikkaku had already bid her goodnight. I was still shocked at how well they hit it off. _

_She looked up from her wheelchair and at Kurosaki. I saw a slow smirk spread across her face and she rolled her eyes. "Try not to act too surprised Ichigo." she chuckled. "You knew I was here, or did you think I just dropped off the face of the earth?"_

_I watched as Kurosaki Ichigo's ever present scowl deepened. He scoffed. "Che, I knew you were _somewhere_, just not here. I knew something was up, cause Sayuri kept beating my ass. Uhm, well, more so than usual." Kurosaki's face tinged with red. _

_Tatsuki looked down cast as she spoke. "Well, yeah. Sayuri, she hated me for the longest time after that accident. She wouldn't speak to me, ever. She still doesn't visit me and I've been in this shit hole for 5 years!" As she looked up again at Kurosaki's face, I saw pure and sheer anger flash through her dark brown eyes._

_He shook his head and returned Tatsuki's intense stare. "She missed you. After she beat the shit out of me one day, she said just as much. She didn't know how to take you; she probably still doesn't. Give her some time."_

"_Time." Arisawa said with a bland voice. "It's been damn near ten years since my accident Ichigo. And like I said, five since I've been locked up in this bitch. She's had her time. She's had more than enough. And as angry as I may seem," She let out a dry laugh. "I'm going to try and get better. I'm going to make it up to her for all the years that her big sis wasn't around; too crazy to give a shit about anything and anyone. I'm going to start being there for her."_

_I was totally confused. Sayuri? Who the shit is that? Was that the sister Arisawa had mentioned, in passing, to me? And if so, why the heck is Kurosaki letting some child beat him? _

_As I pondered the words spoken between the two, I must have let my puzzlement show on my face. Grimm didn't miss a beat. He's surprisingly perceptive. He pokes me roughly in the sternum and speaks out on my befuddled state._

"_What the fuck is wrong with you midget? You look like you're trying to figure out what E=MC² means."_

_I looked up at Grimmjow incredulously as I felt a wide smile spread across my face. I even chuckled humorously. I tried to keep it down but the volume of my laughter increased. Ahh, good ole lack of sleep; it'll do that to me. "Only you Grimm. Only you." I got out between my dying down laughter. He scratched his head as if to say "What the fuck did I say wrong?" That, and the fact that I couldn't even answer his unspoken question if he had asked, proves even funnier._

_I looked up again to see Ikkaku and Yumichika start to walk over, obviously curious about what I was hooting about. I glanced over at Kurosaki and Arisawa and see that they were still in the throes of their conversation, oblivious to my obvious signs of cracking. I cursed myself for losing it, and in the process, losing valuable parts of their interesting conversation I tried my best to tune back in over the increasingly loud men surrounding me._

"_So how about you Ichigo? Are they still bothering you? Last I heard, you couldn't get them to leave you alone. Yuzu and Karin were afraid of you, that much I knew." Tatsuki was saying to Ichigo. He seemed to have gone still. Really still. His face lost that rosy coloring it had had just a few minutes ago. What the hell is going on with him? I unconsciously scooted over towards the duo, trying to hear an answer to Tatsuki's confusing query._

_As I searched Kurosaki Ichigo's face expectantly, for any signs of answering, they both must have felt my intruding and swiftly turned to looked at me. Shit. I felt my face redden considerably at being caught eavesdropping. As I racked my brain for a plausible excuse, an elderly woman came to my rescue._

"_Kuchiki-san? Kuchiki Rukia?" as I nodded my head at her to continue, I see Ichigo eyeing me inquisitively. Tatsuki had turned to her door again. "I'm so sorry for being so late. I called Unohana-san to let her know I couldn't make it in today and she informed me that you had been here since nine and she would try her best to find someone to cover me. When I got off the phone with her I just got to feeling so bad. I know you're in school and having to work these long hours is not acceptable. So I got myself right out of bed, took some medicine and drove over here. I just wasn't feeling well, you know? But then I thought, to hell with this cold! Sweet little Kuchiki-san has been here for 10 hours! So here I am! Oh, Unohana-san told me…"_

_The woman was still babbling away when I turned my attention back to Kurosaki and Tatsuki. They had diverted their attention from the talkative women and eyed each other wearily. Tatsuki offered Ichigo a hard look. "We'll talk more later Ichigo." She said to him in a way that gave him no room to back out. He nodded shakily in return. _

_I turned my attention back towards the older woman. "Well now that you're here, I think I'll head out. I'm really tired and I've got to get home to my dog. There's no telling what he's destroyed." I said to her. She gave me a kind smile and a motherly pat on my back in return._

_I turned around to wave goodbye to my group. I heard the bang of a door closing and realize Tatsuki has already left. I look over at Yumichika who is giving me the classic "parade-I'm a princess on top of a float -wave". Ikkaku gave me a head nod and a grin. They both head to their rooms. Grimm scowled at me then turned his attention towards the old woman. "Oi! Old bat!" he shouts at her. My mouth fell open at his utter rudeness, but I guess she's used to it. She clucked her tongue disapprovingly at him and reprimanded him, while shooing him into his room._

_My eyes left Grimmjow's disappearing back and shifted over to the last person in the hall with me. He eyed me with the same inquisitive look he graced me with earlier, like he was trying to read my facial expression. I showed him nothing and threw on my poker face. Then I plaster on a fake, sugary sweet smile. "Goodbye Kurosaki-san! See you Monday." I said cheerily as I back pedaled towards the stairs and waved._

_He scowled at me. Angry with the way I was putting him off, I can only guess. He stood there, watching me with a less than amused expression. It wasn't until I had reached the door to the stairs that he spoke. Just two words. _

"_Later Rukia."_

_I left._

_~End Flashback~_

Oh how I wish I knew what the hell those two were talking about.

I sighed as I came back to the present. It's dark now. The park is lit up with it's small lantern like lights. Chappy is playfully gnawing on my hand which is now covered in slobber, along with my shirt. I wipe the film of spit from my hand onto his head (hehe) and grimace down at the wet spot on my stomach. Gross. Oh, but he's so _cute_. I scratch him behind the ears, reach down and grab his leash and we head home.

* * *

"Kuchikiiiii! Heard you were looking for me! Come on in!" Iemura-sama yells to me as soon as I step foot out of the revolving doors. I don't know what it is, but Iemura-sama's screaming doesn't make me want to cringe and cower like normal. I feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. I feel good today, happy even. I guess it was my lovely long weekend spent being lazy and lounging with Chappy.

I follow him to his office on the immediate left and take a seat in front of his desk. To the right of me are several moving, or should I say sliding, shelves. They're all full of various files, documents and other important information on the patients of Seireitei Psychiatric Ward. Iemura-sama is the records keeper for the entire building, which he likes to boast about. I have no idea why. Who gives a flying shit?

I mask my irritation for the man with a sugary sweet smile. "Iemura-sama, you remember how you told me to monitor Kurosaki Ichigo early last week? Well I noticed that his charts were missing from the door and I haven't been able to get a copy since you went on vacation the very next day."

He puts a hand to his blond, stubbled chin and rubs it. "Kurosaki Ichigo, eh? Hold on for a few Kuchiki." he says to me as he gets up. I wait patiently as I listen to the sliding and slamming of the shelves. He comes back over after a minute or two with a surprisingly thin file folder.

Huh? So was Kurosaki-san recently admitted? That folder just doesn't look like it contains much of anything.

I snap back to reality and watch Iemura-sama rifle through the few pieces of paper. "Kurosaki Ichigo. Age fifteen. Birthday: July 15. Oh, that's coming up. What, next week? Parents: Kurosaki Isshin and Kurosaki Masaki. He has two younger siblings. Twins Karin and Yuzu…"

Hmm. His birthday is next week. Maybe I'll bring a little mini cake like I did for Grimm. So he'll be six…teen. Sixteen?

"Um, Iemura-sama? You said Kurosaki-san is how old? Fifteen? Is that a typo?" I question. I feel a bit sickish. I never thought much on his age, I just assumed he was the same age as me, or slightly older. But _fifteen?!_

"Huh? Nope, no typos Kuchiki. Kurosaki Ichigo is fifteen, soon to be sixteen. Why do you ask?" he says, giving me a questioning look.

"Well-well why isn't he in the minors ward?! If he's under age, shouldn't he be on the first floor with all the other minors?!" I feel myself becoming slightly frantic and I have to tell myself to calm down. I feel hot and flushed.

Iemura-sama shrugs. "We must have ran out of space in the minors ward. It happens. Sometimes we have to put the young ones on the second and third floor just for the sake of space."

"I see." My voice is surprisingly void of all emotion; it surprises and pleases me. I don't need him questioning why I'm freaking. I stand up and reach my hand out for the charts. He hands them over.

"Oh and Kuchiki. Some of his more important information is missing though I have no idea why. I'm going to search in here some more. I may have to make some phone calls on that too. As soon as I've found what I'm looking for, I'll let you know."

"Alright." I reply in a soft voice and take my leave.

* * *

He's fifteen.

"_Oh! You've got that Kurosaki kid!"_

_Kid? _

I remember when Sentaro called him a kid. I remember being confused as to why. Was I the only one that didn't know?

_He looked surprisingly boyish. His head was kind of cast down, which caused him to have to look at me through his bangs. He looked like a little kid! A shy little kid! _

My own thoughts of when he smiled at me that day. He looked every bit of his age then…

"_Kurosaki Ichigo? What's that little punk doing here? My kid sister used to whoop his ass everyday at the dojo! It was so pathetic! He was so weak." _

When I first mentioned to Tatsuki that I was monitoring him, she called him a little punk and said her _kid _sister used to beat on him. I knew something about what she said was odd to me. Why didn't I put two and two together back then?

Wait a minute. Her kid sister. Sayuri? The one they were talking about Friday? Must be. But I don't care at this point. I really just don't give a shit right now.

I clutch Kurosaki's folder to my chest as I walk up the stairs. I must be sick. I've had inappropriate _thoughts_ about this kid. Needless to say, my happy and giddy mood is non-existent as of now.

I stop on the landing between the first and second floor and look through the few sheets of paper. Of course. When Iemura-sama said some of the more important documents were missing, that would include his history and reasons for being admitted. I sigh heavily and keep heading up the stairs.

I leave the stairwell in an even worse mood than I was in when I entered the stairway and immediately head for Grimmjow's room. Order and schedules be damned. I need to talk to Grimm, _now._

I knock on his door and walk in once he calls out. Grimm is swathed in his blankets with his knees drawn up to his chest. He was facing the window but rolls over to face me, assuming the same position once he is laying on his other side. The only thing visible of him is his head. His blankets are drawn up and tucked beneath his chin. His eyes are sleepy but become more alert once he sees that it's me. "Midget? You here early."

"Hey Grimm. I came to see you first today. What's up with you?" I motion towards his lumpy form beneath the sheets.

He rolls his striking blues at me. "It's cold as a bitch in here, in case you haven't noticed. Trying to conserve body heat and all that jazz." he says. Then I see a spark ignite behind his eyes. "Wanna come help me?" he asks suggestively.

I blush and look to the side, trying to hide my warm and scarlet face. "Yeah. Sure Grimm. Just let me run downstairs and tell them to fire me, while I'm at it." I say, voice dripping with sarcasm. He laughs.

I sigh. I reach over and grab the little armchair near the window and pull it around to the other side of the bed. I pull it up flush with the bed, climb over the armrest, and plop down onto the seat. I sit criss cross applesauce, elbows on knees, face in hands; totally defeated pose.

"Remember when I said I'd talk to you later? Well, can we talk?" I ask in a somewhat sad and pathetic tone.

He looks at me, his piercing azure gaze makes me want to cry. Why, oh why did such a good morning have to do a complete 360 in a matter of an hour?

I notice Grimm hasn't said anything so I take that as my cue. "He's….he's fifteen Grimm. You know, Kurosaki, the one I asked you to get for me on Friday? Yeah, he's…just a kid…" I trail off.

Grimmjow looks bewildered and confused. "And that's a problem because…" he says slowly. Not in a condescending way at all, only as if he's trying to understand. And for that, I am grateful. I _need _someone to try and understand what I can't even seem to grasp right now.

I take a minute to come up with what I want to say and the best way to say it. "Um, well. Since I started monitoring him last Monday, I've found it somewhat hard to get him out of my head. I think about him…well, I think about him a lot. Especially those eyes of his." I pause. "They're so gorgeous" I breathe.

"His smile too." I go on. "I get the feeling he doesn't do it all that much, but one day, Tuesday I think, he gave me a smile. Like a real one. He smirks a lot, and I find those equally dazzling. But that smile, it was, I don't know, special to me. Weird right? Because by then I had only known him for two days."

I take another minute to get my shit together, looking out the window as I speak. "Since Tuesday I've been wanting to see that smile again. I go home and it will randomly flash through my mind."

"Friday was a disaster for me. I had a, um, some inappropriate thoughts about him that day. I don't normally think like that, but yeah, it happened and he was the star of my little fantasies." I keep my gaze locked with the window, too embarrassed to look at Grimm. Of course, I'm blushing. "That's why I had asked you to get him from his room. I didn't want to look at him after what I had envisioned us doing."

I know Grimm is smirking at me, probably wiggling his blue eyebrows at me too. I can't help it. I let a small smirk of my own slip out.

"Then at dinner, he asked me something. We were bent over the table, I didn't realize how close we were. When I looked up, his eyes were inches away from mine. I…I love his eyes, I think I do, but have you noticed? His eyebrows are always and forever furrowed. He's got this permanent scowl on his face. I flicked him in his forehead and told him to stop scowling, he does it too much. He didn't stop, but it looked like he tried. This is where I got all weird. I reached up and ran my fingers across his forehead, over his furrowed brows and through his bangs. I…I don't know what I was thinking. But then I wanted to touch more. Not in a perverted way. Just his face… He's got such sharp and defined features. I wanted to trace them."

I stop abruptly and finally allow my gaze to rest on my listener. He's blue eyes are focused over my left shoulder but they're thoughtful. His eyes hastily zero back in on mine and his face becomes all seriousness. "You know, you should be a romance novelist. That made me shed a tear and want to go find my soul mate. But seriously, so what if he's fifteen. I'd do a fifteen year old. And what, your only like twenty right?"

I pull out the sheet of paper from his records folder that I've been hanging on to and shove it in his face. "Fifteen!" I near screech. "He's a fucking minor still. Not even legal age of consent!"

Grimmjow snatches the paper from me and glances over it. He looks over the top of the paper at me, scoffs, and tosses it back in my face. The paper lands harmlessly on my lap.

"What the shit are you talking about? He's practically sixteen. His birthday's like next Monday."

"Not the point Grimm. You're missing the effin point." I stress, half growling.

"Ok, ok. Chill. Playing and shit aside, in all seriousness, what's the problem? So you're frustrated because you're attracted to him?" He sits up and holds his hands up, like he's trying to ward off another bout of anger from me. "And judging from what you told me, you are. Or are you frustrated because you're attracted to him _and _you found out that he's four or so years younger than you?"

"I…I'm frustrated because I don't know what to think. I'm having serious issues with you telling me you think I'm attracted to a soon-to-be sixteen year old. I-it's just….it's just…"

"Alright already! Maybe some people would frown upon a relationship where one participant is a legal adult and the other could still be considered a child. Then again, if you were thirty and he was twenty-six, you wouldn't even give a shit. Bu-"

I shake my head and cut him off by shoving my hand in his face and pushing him as hard as I can. He flails about for a few seconds, almost toppling off the bed. Once he regains his composure he growls and reaches for me. I push myself and the chair away from the bed quick as hell. Then I'm out of the chair and by the door in another second or two.

"But nothing Grimm. Relationship? Who said shit about relationships? He's of high school age, and he's my patient! I would get fired and locked up and charged of statutory rape. Do you want me fired and locked up on charges of statutory rape?! Besides, it's not even like that! So I want to touch his face, so what? He's got a nice bone structure and warm and soft skin! So I like his eyes and his smile. So what? I'll admit, he's an attractive guy. He'd have so many groupies if he weren't locked away in here. But anyways, it's not like I want us to do the dirty and have him be my everything. I didn't even want that _before_ I found out he's a kid!"

Grimm is still scowling at me heavily as he stands from his bed and walks over to me. He stops a little ways in front of me and looks down into my eyes. "So what's the problem then? Why'd you want to talk so bad?" he says in a quiet voice.

"I don't know!" I explode, throwing my hands in the air. "I just wanted to talk to you. Get some stuff off my chest, you know? Make sure I'm not crazy for, um, _thinking_ certain things. Apparently I'm not, since you said you'd gladly do a fifteen year old and would support a potential relationship between me and a boy." My voice is tinged with sarcasm by the time I finish my little tirade.

I look up and meet his azure gaze and smile faintly. "But thanks Grimm, for listening."

He shakes his head and gives a little laugh. Then he shows me that drop dead sexy smirk that I haven't seen since I walked into his room today. My reaction is the same as always. The pit of my stomach tightens and I feel myself getting flushed. He laughs again, probably sensing my reaction to his devilishly good looks, and pats my head. That kind of pisses me off, but he doesn't give me time to hurt him for unintentionally belittling me. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and drapes it around the back of my neck, pulling me into a quick one armed hug.

"You amuse me midget." He says unnecessarily loud.

I scoff and playfully shove him off. "So glad to be of some service."

* * *

I'm on my way to Kurosaki Ichigo's room now.

I left Grimm and backtracked to Bya-kun's room. He was actually surprisingly pleasant today. Didn't once look at me quietly like he wanted to throttle me for just being near him. Tatsuki was her usual self. Ikkaku and Yumichika both pleaded me to stay another late night so we could all go to dinner together. It was cute and funny that they wanted me to. Maybe I'll ask for a switch in my hours a couple nights a week.

I snap out of my current thought process once I realize I'm in front of room 241. I try to swallow my heart that has leapt into my throat and quell the nausea (or are those butterflies, no bats) hat is bubbling in my stomach. Not even an hour ago I was sitting cross-legged in a chair and spilling all the thoughts and feelings I've been having about Kurosaki-san for the past week.

Kami. I don't want to keep running from this (whatever this is), running _like_ this, but it's all I seem to be capable of. This is very weak of me. I'm disgusted with myself. I hate it.

I reach my hand up and timidly knock on his door, though I loath to. I stand and wait for a reply for only a scant few seconds before the door swings open and I'm greeted with warm, caramel-y brown eyes.

"Oh, uh, hey Rukia. I was already up so I just figured I'd answer the door." he explains to me as he scratches the back of his head. He opens the door wider, silently offering me entry.

"Oh, well yeah. No problem fruit tart. Soo, did the old fart treat you well after I left?" I've noticed, I'm always like this with him. I'm all panic stricken and anxiety filled when I'm standing outside his room, but once I'm in here and talking to him I feel more at ease.

"Um. Old fart?" he reaches his hand back to the back of his head to continue his scratching. I think of Sentaro and Kiyone and smile. Does everyone do that when confused, or embarrassed and uneasy?

"Never mind. Anyways, I heard your birthday is coming up. You'll be sixteen right?" Yeah, I asked. My round about way of just making sure_, _double checking, _confirming_ if he is indeed a teenager. Cause quite frankly, I have my doubts.

He looks at me with his furrowed little eyebrows and nods. He crosses his arms over his chest and speaks. "Yeah, I'll be sixteen. Next Monday, July 15."

"Oh" I look down from his eyes and wonder why I feel disheartened to hear that it's true. I spent an hour in Grimm's room convincing him that it's nothing. I have no feelings for him other than a slight affection, one that I carry for all my patients, I might add. And maybe some attraction, I'll admit it, begrudgingly.

"Rukia?" Kurosaki calls to me. I suppress a shiver. Love, love, love the way my name sounds rolling off those lips.

"Yeah, what?"

"What's with that face?" His arms are still crossed over his chest as he stares down at me with a frowny face.

"Nothing, Kurosaki-san. Wait, you know what? You're Ichigo from now on. I'm not going to walk around calling you by family names with honorifics and shit when you don't show me the same respect. Actually, I've been wondering. Why is it that you have never called me by my surname?" I never gave it much thought because I was to busy trying to quell blushes and whatnot when I hear him speak my given name that I never realized he talks to me in much too much of a familiar way.

Ichigo looks at me with cheeks tinged with red. Oh my Goodness. He's blushing and it is _super_ cute. I have to pinch my arm to keep from pouncing him.

He uncrosses his arms and smirks down at me, even though his blush intensified. "I don't know why either honestly. I just felt instantly comfortable with you. Sounds gay doesn't it?"

Now I'm smirking along with him. "Maybe just a little, but that's okay. You make me feel special Ichigo." I reach up and ruffle his orange hair. Really, it doesn't look it, but it's remarkably soft. He looses his smirk quickly while I tousle his hair. He reaches up, grabs my wrist, pulls my hand down and slaps me on the back of my hand. My smirk has morphed into a full blown smile and I can't help but laugh a little behind my hand. What was that? What am I? A five year old that's been reprimanded for doing something naughty?

"Did I upset you Ichigo?"

"Nah, you're just too bad for me....Nice." He nods to my hand held up to my mouth, trying to stifle my laughter. "You look like a little school girl. Cute Rukia, real cute." His eyebrows are raised and his smirk is back, full force. I have to remember to breathe.

I blush. "Whatever. I'll be back later." I turn and toss up a hand in a casual wave as I walk towards the door, wondering where my sudden boldness has come from. Was that a little flirtation back there? Kami, I hope not….but I'm beginning to not care.

Thanks Grimm.

* * *

A/N: whew! took me many days to finish this off and i dont think i did too shabby. the ending could be better (gosh! am i doomed to suck at ending a chapter?), but my brain was really just fried. next chapter **WILL** be better. im going to try some Ichigo POV. we'll see how that goes.

anywhoways...SHOUT OUTS: thankies to Black Sun Upon An Icy Sky, Allyieh, ThatWitchC.C, Nicc259, LovingMyth and Rendered Heartless for reviewing the last chapter

Lastly: comments, questions, concerns, flames, bashing? add it in a REVIEW please.  
Laterz!


	6. Chapter 6

I seem to keep getting wordier and wordier...

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

* * *

~Ichigo's POV~

Today is my birthday. I'm sixteen now.

I think it's been like 8 years since I've gotten excited over the coming of July 15th.

I think of Yuzu and Karin, mom and dad. They drop by once a year, but its never on July 15th. I always think of them on my birthday, though I try not to. I miss them. A lot.

I'm sitting in bed now (which is about all I can damn well do here), laying on my back with my hands behind my head. It's pretty early, just turned eight, but I'm gonna stay up. I've got about an hour until _she _comes.

I have loads of time to just sit and think. So what do I think about? _Her_ mostly. At least for the past two weeks I have. It's a welcome change from listening to that annoying bastard. But it's like the more I think about her, the more he _talks _about her. Jesus, some of the shit he will say!

Back to Rukia now. I think I'm crushing on her, and hard. Look at me! I could be sleeping right now, but here I am, wide awake and waiting. I like being awake when she knocks on my door. I like answering it for her when she knocks. I like seeing her bright, jewelry like violet eyes look up at me in surprise when I open the door for her.

But what I really like is when she stares into my eyes. I see so many emotions floating beneath the surface. She has the most expressive and beautifully colored eyes I have ever seen. I've noticed her giving me more and more sidelong glances recently, and quite frankly, it excites me. Not in a perverse way. I feel myself getting heated from those looks she gives me. My heart rate picks up when she gives me those smoldering hot inspections. I don't particularly know what she's thinking when she looks at me that way, but I like to think she's got something hot and bad on her mind when she does. It gets me slightly giddy.

These are fun new feelings. Ones that I welcome with open arms. Shit. I'd welcome any type or form of the fun, new, and interesting in my life. After feeling pretty much just numb for the past year or so, I'll take what I can get. On some of my worse days, sometimes my depression would get to the point where I would continuously question what I'm still doing here. But of course, fuck my life, I spend the majority of my time in a mental institute where I can hardly get a hold of the right stuff to finish the job, so to speak. Now, I'm glad I never got the chance to, otherwise, I couldn't experience whatever the hell it is I'm feeling for Rukia.

I'm inexperienced to these feelings; like I said, they're fun and new. But they make me uncomfortable and awkward around her. Yet somehow, when she's here in my room, I feel totally at ease and more alive than I have in a long ass time. Contented even. It's just when she gets quiet and looks at me in her fiery way, I don't know what to do. I get nervous. Butterflies and hell bats have a grand fucking time in my stomach, sometimes swarming my chest.

Yeah, I'm definitely crushing on her.

Not for the first time I wonder if she, well, if she likes me too (juvenile sounding, I know). I'm not sure of her age but I'd have to be an idiot to think that there is no age gap between us. Hell, at times, she looks like she could be my age or younger though. One thing I do know, if given the chance, I would…well, I'd definitely _like_ to pursue something with her. She's….she's just, something special to me. She's the reason my depression has been at bay for so long (two weeks; damn I'm fucked up). But I'm not a retard. Me and her, it's not realistic, not by a long shot. So for now I'll be content with just seeing her face here, in this room, with me. Everyday.

I glance at my bedside clock. 8:39 a.m. Another twenty or so minutes and I'll get to see her.

* * *

I smile.

~Rukia's POV~

It's nice to be able to sleep in.

Granted, Chappy is making it very difficult to but for now, I'll just lay here with my dog; blankets and his fur covering my face from the harsh morning sun.

I have a long day ahead of me though, so maybe I should get up soon. I have to run to the grocery store to pick up a little cake for Ichigo, come back here and decorate it, go to school for two classes, then head out again for work. Yep, a busy busy day for me.

I'm glad I was able get my work hours changed though. I have two morning classes today so it panned out well. I was planning on getting a night or two where I work late so I could have dinner with the guys again. Ikkaku and Yumi really liked it. What works even more, is that today is that carrot tops birthday. I thought I'd bring in the little cake and we could have a mini party in the cafeteria after dinner.

I wonder how Ichigo will react to my surprise party. Will he be upset with me? Is he one of those people who hates surprise parties? Will he like it and appreciate my efforts? I sure hope so.

Well, it's time to get up now. I unbury myself from underneath all the sheets and push roughly on Chappy's back to get his heavy body off of me. He simply rolls over, more on top of me, finds my face and gives it a long sloppy morning lick. Gross Chappy, gross.

Good morning to you too.

* * *

~Ichigo's POV~

She never showed up.

It's going on five o'clock now. There is no way she's going to waltz in here seven hours and thirty-eight minutes late. Not that I've been keeping time.

I haven't moved much since eight o'clock. Went to the bathroom once, came back and went back to my original position, rolled over twice. I've just kinda been sitting here…thinking…wondering, you know…why she isn't here. There has been another nurse here in her place. Come to think of it, she's that older woman that's usually here at night. She'll be knocking on my door any minute to get me for dinner and if she hasn't turned into Rukia somehow, I swear, I might punch her face in.

I hear a knock on my door. Yep, like clock work. I quickly jump up and walk to the door, you know, just in case it's _not _that old mothball smelling nurse. I open it to see a flustered looking Rukia with two grocery bags. She looks up, a little startled to see me at the door. When will she get used to it? She recovers quicker than normal and flashes me a hurried, yet gorgeous smile. My breath catches. She's stunning and tempting, beautiful and breathtaking, elegant yet sexy all wrapped up in an inspiring little package

"H-hey Ichigo." she speaks, rushed and slightly tripping over her words. "Surprise right? I had school and some other things to take care of earlier so I'm working five to twelve tonight….Um, can I come in for a sec?"

I snap back to the present. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure. It's your job right?" I step aside and let her in. She breezes past me and dumps her bags on my bed while I close the door behind us.

I walk over and lean against the wall closest to the bed. I admire her small frame from behind. She turns around and eyes me, like she knows I was checking her out. I feel myself blush but cover it up with what I hope is an annoyed look. "So what's up? You weren't here because you needed to go shopping?" I nod towards the bags. "I thought you took more pride in your work. You should have been here with me. Uh, a-and the others. You know, helping out and shit."

Her eyes flash with something that looks like hurt but then it disappeared just as fast as it came. I have to wonder if I was a bit harsh just now. "As a matter of fact, I do take a great deal of pride in my work. Like I fucking said, I had stuff to do, which _included _classes. But I guess you didn't hear that. To busy being in a pissy mood but I'm not going to let that upset me. I can only imagine how much it must suck for you to be here on your birthday and I don't blame you for the attitude. So before I catch any_more_ attitude and have to kick your ass, I brought you something." She brought me something? She turns around and rummages through her bags and my curiosity spikes.

When she turns back to face me, she's cradling something in her right arm and holding what looks like party hats (with rabbits on them?) in her left. I look closer to her right arm and realize she's holding a cake with abstract drawings on it. I swiftly look back up to her wide, smoky violet orbs. I'm sure my shock and surprise is written all over my face. She holds my gaze before lowering her eyes for a second then raises them again. She offers me a shy, hesitant smile. "Ah, happy birthday Ichigo." It's all I can do to keep my feet rooted to their spot and not cross the small distance between us and just…touch her. She gives her head a little shake and opens her mouth to speak.

"Ok, so here's the deal. I originally planned to just bring the cake and throw you a mini surprise birthday bash while I took you guys to dinner. But then I thought that maybe you were one of those people who hate parties, so you have two options. We can either stick to my first plan and have cake after the nasty dinner, or I can just leave the cake here for you to enjoy by yourself."

I take a moment to think but I know what I really want almost immediately. "I'd rather take option number two, truthfully. It's not everyday I get my very own edible dessert all to myself, and I don't want to share. But, I was wondering if you'd, you know, um join me?" I ask nervously, scratching the back of my head. I really want her to consider. I feel like shit for getting on her case earlier. Not to mention I want her to sit down with me, and only me. I don't want to share her attentions with those other fucktards. What were their names? Yumichika and Ikkaku? I don't like how they freak out and fawn over her and shit, making her sit next to them and whatnot. I don't like it. It's annoying.

She looks at me with her large, hazy purple eyes in stunned silence. I bow my head while I wait for her answer. "Sure Ichigo, why not? It'll be later though. I can probably do it the last thirty minutes before I leave, but I'm not sure. If I can, it'll be like eleven thirty. We'll have ourselves our own little private birthday bash. No worries Ichigo, I'll try my best to spend a little time with you." She walks across the small distance separating us and ruffles my hair. I revel in the feeling of her touching me but slap her hand away nonetheless.

I look down at her smiling face and feel myself blush. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she's amused at me asking her that. Probably thinks I sound like a needy little bitch. And maybe I am. I just…don't want to be alone for another birthday. And I don't want to share my whole fucking cake either (hehe).

I put on a brave face and a faint smile, despite the fluttering in my stomach at the sweet smile she wears.

"That's all I ask."

* * *

~Rukia's POV~

I look up and down the table at my little assembled group. We all sit in our original seats, me sitting between Yumichika and Ikkaku upon their request. Ah, they're such sweet guys. They ravenously eat the food as if it's the best shit in the world; it's not. I pick at my shrimp scampi remix and wonder what the hell they put in it.

My gaze leaves my scampi and travels to Arisawa, who is staring at Ikkaku in a mixture of disgust and amusement as he devourers his meal. I notice that these two have become increasingly close in the last week. And Tatsuki is getting less and less fearful of leaving that room of hers. With a little more time, I think that she just might be able to get out of here soon.

Next to Tatsuki, on the other side of the table, sits Ichigo. He's been giving me the evil eye since we sat and, try as I might, I cannot say why. As I sneak glances over at him he looks up, as if he felt me observing him. His eyes narrow a little more than usual and he scowls while chewing. Funny. He's cute.

I'm still not sure how I feel about Kurosaki Ichigo. Sometimes I think I'm bipolar, what with my switch of feelings and emotions towards him. One minute I'm ruffling his hair and feeling like I want to look out for him, in an older sister/little brother fashion. Then the next I can't stop staring into his eyes and thinking about how truly breathtaking he is, borderline beautiful. I know he's attractive and pretty damn great looking, I've come to terms with that, but I feel like there's something deeper to my attraction. And that worries me.

Ichigo is still scowling at me while he eats and I realize I've been staring at him a bit too long. I advert my eyes from him and look to Grimmjow, who is sitting a seat over from him. Grimmjow meets my eyes with that cocky and knowing smirk in place that I don't know whether I find sexy or just annoying anymore. He's been giving me little shit like that since last Monday when I came clean to him. If he's not eyeing me with raised eyebrows, he's either wiggling them suggestively or giving me that damnable knowing smirk. I'm going to kick his ass.

I scowl at him deeply, barely containing a snarl and turn my attention to Byakuya. Bya-kun hasn't been acting his usual stoic and uppity self. At first I was ecstatic. I thought maybe he was trying to be more cooperative but now I'm just worried about him. He's not Bya-kun anymore. He looks gaunt. His striking gray eyes are very dulled and hollowed. He looks like shit.

Yumichika has seemed to have picked up on Bya-kun's despondent disposition. He's been fluttering around him since I rounded them all up from their rooms. As I watch them now, Yumichika is still trying different methods to get Byakuya back to his normal monotonic, slightly quiet and sarcastic self. To no avail, I might add. I smile inwardly at his efforts.

"Kuchiki-san. You haven't touched any of your food and you don't look particularly good. Are you feeling alright? Are you sick? Tell me." I add the last with a little force. Getting Bya-kun to confess to feeling bad is like pulling teeth. I figure it'll be doubly hard now, since we're sitting with four other individuals, but it's worth a shot.

He looks at me with spiritless gray eyes and silently shakes his head. I'm aghast. Byakuya has never been _quiet _when I ask him about his health and well being. He hates when I do it and normally has no problem expressing his dislike. He looks back down to his mutilated roll and continues to poke and prod at it. I look away from him. Something is wrong with him. I'll have to get the other nurses reports on him for today and see if this has been an all day thing. Actually it's been a couple days that he's been acting offish. But at this point, there's not much I can do, especially since he is not telling me what's wrong and it doesn't seem life threatening.

I scowl down at my plate of scampi again. I do not feel like eating anymore. I glance at my wrist watch and realize it's time to get going anyway. I stand up and the guys follow suit. Ikkaku stationing himself behind Tatsuki's chair, Yumichika walking with an ever so slightly slouched Byakuya. Grimm catches my eye and saunters off with a smirk and a wink. I flip him the middle finger, which he just laughs at. Douche!

I stay behind and gather Ikkaku's discarded trash and reach for Tatsuki's when a large, slightly tanned hand grabs it before me. I look up into Ichigo's caramel browns, just inches away from mine. Déjà vu? His face is still screwed p with a scowl, but it's not as deep. I have no idea what the hell he's upset over but I hate to see him scowling all the time. I can only guess he is still in his pissy mood from earlier.

I smile as I look at him, remembering the way he so shyly asked me to stay with him. I can't help it. I gotta touch him. I reach up and ruffle his fluffy, citrusy hair. He bats me away.

"Don't worry Ichigo. I told you I'd try my best to be with you for a few. We'll be eating cake while everyone else is oblivious in no time." I give him what I hope is a sincere smile but my stomach is fluttering and my heart rate is quick because of our close proximity. He blushes deeply, and scoffs while looking to the side. I sigh at how he is acting but I can't help but notice. His scowl is pretty much gone.

* * *

I look up into his ocher colored eyes in mild surprise.

"Why is it that every time I knock, you immediately open the door for me? Everyone else just yells 'come in' or something." I ask as I walk past him and into his room. Once I'm fully in his room I turn and regard him questioningly. He closes the door and gives me a vague shrug, not meeting my eyes.

"I was already up."

"Oh. Well alright. Let's cut cake, shall we?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm scowling as I watch him grin like a fool and shovel forkful after forkful of cake in his mouth. We're sitting across from each other, cross-legged on his bed; our party hats on our heads. It was damned difficult to get him to wear his. I was on the verge of wrestling him to the ground and taping it to his head when he finally exploded and said he would wear it….It does look pretty damn adorable on him. Silly, but adorable.

After I pulled the cake from its bag and placed it on his rolling, bedside tray to cut, he leaned in real close, staring at it. I stood back and let him admire my handy work. I was very proud of my decorations. I wrote out very elegantly, 'Happy Birthday Ichigo' when I really wanted to call him fruit tart, idiot, fool or some other choice words. I thought I'd save him some dignity; I mean it is the guys birthday. I even hand crafted a mini bear Ichigo, furrowed eyebrows and all. It was so _cute_! Do I get a 'thank you Rukia-sama for your awesome creativity'? No! Fuck no. I didn't even get a 'thanks'. He looked up from the cake and laughed. Like really laughed. Then had the nerve to point at bear-Ichigo and ask why that sack of potatoes had a head with a face that resembled his.

Ten minutes later and he's still grinning idiotically.

"So glad you like the cake Ichigo." I say sarcastically. He sobers up from his laugh high quick enough and eyes me critically.

"Stop getting in your feelings Rukia. You don't know how long it's been since I've laughed like that; it felt great. And you know I'm grateful for the cake. Shit, _more_ than grateful. This is more than what anyone has done for me in a good while." He pauses shortly, picks up his plate of half eaten cake and nods to it. "The cake's awesome." He puts the plate down and plucks at the top of the cone shaped party hat on his head and pulls up then lets go. The hat snaps back into place on his head by the elastic band attached to it and wrapped under his chin. "The hat's awesome." He looks me over hotly and forms a very sexy crooked smile. "_Your_ awesome."

I blush. Yes, I blush when sixteen year old boys give me the once over and call me awesome….while wearing rabbit themed party hats. I sigh. I almost regret forcing him to don it. That look he just gave me with that crooked smile could have been all the more sexier if that hat didn't make him look so silly. Adorably silly.

I smile back at him embarrassedly and mumble a quiet 'thank you' while I shove a forkful of cake in my mouth to distract myself from his fiery gaze and the fluttering in my chest.

I soon finish off my piece of cake and find Ichigo helping himself to his third. The cake is almost half gone. I shake my head. I watch him eat. I notice he looks fairly content, happy even. He eats the cake and hums in appreciation from time to time. He laughed earlier. He's smiled often tonight. His eyes dance with mirth as he looks at my decorations again. This Ichigo is so different from the other times I've been around him. I like it. A lot. He's so carefree. Like nothing can bother him.

And now I'm more curious than ever. What's the story behind this teenage boy? How long has he been here? He hints that it's been a while. He hints at having been severely depressed. Is it just a case of teenage angst? I doubt it. But what?

It's like I will never know. Or like I'm not _allowed_ to know. Files and other important documentation gone missing, lack of nurses being assigned to him. His whole reason for being here is a mystery. I've been patient, but I want answers. And I want them now.

I clear my throat in preparation to ask. I feel bad, I really do. He seems just so relaxed right now, so pleased with how his night is going so far. I almost stop myself from asking but I plow on with my question anyways. So inconsiderate. So selfish.

"Um, Ichigo. You know, you're quite the mystery. The first day I was assigned to monitor you, I noticed there were no charts in your door. Just last week I was able to get a hold of the records keeper and, funny thing is, he couldn't find much information on you either. Like your files just disappeared. Don't worry. That happens. I mean, this is a big facility with hundreds of patients. But really, I've been really curious as to what you got admitted for. If you don't want to talk about it, don't force yourself. I was just wondering…" I trail off and look up from my twiddling fingers and at his face. He's still eating his cake, albeit slower. He turns his head to the side and looks at me while he continues chewing.

"I'm a schizo."

He speaks so nonchalantly that I'm slightly taken aback. I've been around people, I've studied this disorder. He shows no outward symptoms of schizophrenia. He doesn't seem excessively anti-social. He seems to follow what's going on in the world around him well. He shows no signs of being delusional . Lack of emotion, hallucination, self-neglect, paranoia. I see none of that when I look at him.

But then again…something I heard Tatsuki say to him when I was eavesdropping…

"_So how about you Ichigo? Are they still bothering you? Last I heard, you couldn't get them to leave you alone. Yuzu and Karin were afraid of you, that much I knew." _

So he hears voices? Still, he shows no signs of being 'disturbed' in any way. Hearing voices, that's not something you should be able to just ignore. Especially as easily as Ichigo does, that is, if I'm right about him…

"Ok. I can tell from the look on your face that you don't believe me." he says, cutting in to my inner ramblings. "I was diagnosed when I was real little; seven years old-"

"What? That's ridiculous Ichigo!" I huff, interrupting him and forgetting all about my train of thought. "You can't possibly diagnose a child with such a disorder. Children are children. They grow and develop in all kinds of different ways. Their imaginations are expansive. Whose to say you weren't just being a kid and talking to yourself, playing make-believe or something? Children do that!"

"I don't know. Call it what you will Rukia, but I know their diagnoses were right." he shrugs and finishes off his last bite. I am seriously confused as to why he seems so utterly indifferent towards this.

"How did they find out you had the disorder?" I ask quietly.

He sets his empty plate on top of the cake box. He leans forward slightly and rests his forearms on the knees of his crossed legs. He sighs. I quickly open my mouth to tell him he doesn't have to tell me anything if he doesn't want to but he's already speaking.

"When I was seven, my parents noticed that I was becoming more and more quiet, more drawn into myself. I didn't like to be around the rest of my family. I wasn't playing with Yuzu and Karin as much; those're my little sisters. But then they didn't really think nothing of it. They thought I was growing up, trying to be a big boy and do big boy shit on my own. That's not what it was. That was around the time I first started hearing his voice in my head." he pauses, looking into my face with his marred with skepticism, like he doesn't think he should be telling me this. I see fear of rejection in his eyes.

"I won't judge you Ichigo. That's not me. I don't do that. But really, if you don't want to continue, please stop. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or feel like I'm forcing you into telling me anything. I'll wait until your ready to talk or until you're comfortable enough with me to let me know. I won't force you." I tell him quietly.

He looks indecisive for a minute, then nods. "It's okay. I'll tell you. I trust you." he says simply. My heart warms at his small but meaningful words.

"We talked often and my mom noticed it." he continues. "And I'm not just talking a sentence here or a question there. No. I was having full-blown conversations. She always remarked on how it sounded like she was listening but, only got half the conversation; my half. She said it scared her." He stopped, his mouth forming a bitter smile though his eyes drained and were clear of any significant emotion.

"She finally asked me who I was talking to one day. I told her it was my friend. I didn't have a name for him back then. I remember that day. She smiled and patted my head. She was relieved. It was just an imaginary friend. Kids conjure shit like that from their minds all the time right? Someone to keep them company and share shit with. They just get rid of them once they're older and develop real friendships. It's just that, I never grew out of it."

"I was ten and still had my 'imaginary friend'." He makes air quotes for the words imaginary friend and his mouth forms a wry smile. "I started acting up. Doing weird shit. I was aggressive, and I honestly can't tell you why. I was a dick to my kid sisters. The little shit kids at school were picking on me and now that I think of it, I must have been talking to myself there too. I've never been aware of when I do it, just know when people give me odd looks or question me. But my parents didn't see the shit at school. They thought I was going through some phase of adolescence. I think that's why I'm so badly fucked up now. My parents always thought it was a phase, that I'd grow out of it. But they were wrong, I never did." The last he said very quietly, like he was talking to himself. I had to strain to hear what he said.

My heart aches for him. To be so young and have such issues, it just--it sucks. And knowing that he probably didn't even think anything was wrong with him, didn't have a clue as to why his peers were picking on him; it's just really sad to hear.

As I observe him while I have more inner ramblings, I notice that he has showed close to no emotion throughout his whole explanation, which I find extremely weird. This is a rather sore topic, at least to me it would be. Shit, to him it _should _be. But he's just got this air of detachment towards the whole issue and I just don't get it.

"So how were you led to be diagnosed with schizophrenia? And you're not badly fucked up Ichigo! I like you the way you are…" I trail off, not knowing what else to say. I look at him to see what kind of damage I have done by speaking without thinking. Don't get me wrong, I meant every bit of what I said. I just don't want him to know it.

He looks surprised at first, maybe a little shocked. I cringe inwardly, afraid of what; no clue. I don't know, just cringing at the fact that I said anything remotely sentimental at all. Especially to this tard. A tard who looks cheek-pinching, adorably cute in his silly party hat. Silly, yet adorably so.

He looses his startled expression and replaces it with that hot look he gave me earlier. Only in_ten_sified. That really sexy crooked smile is back on his face and I feel the pit of my stomach tighten along with that familiar jolt in my chest.

"Dually noted Kuchiki Rukia." He says in a teasingly playful voice. I suppress a shiver at hearing him call me by my full name and at the tone he used it in, but open my mouth to uhm, explain myself, all the same. He cuts me off before I can. "No. Seriously Rukia, thanks. That meant a lot to me." He says with sincere, glowing ambers. I just give him a little nod of acknowledgement and a soft 'you're welcome'. What else can I do?

"Yeah but to answer your question, I honestly don't know what triggered the countless therapy and psychiatric sessions. I remember when I was still ten, I overheard a conversation my mom and dad were having about me. They were saying they didn't know what was wrong with me. I wasn't making many friends. I had three. Tatsuki's little sister, Sayuri; which I think you already knew about. Don't give me that look. I know you were spying in on me and Tatsuki's conversation a couple Fridays ago."

Damn! I knew he knew! I blush madly at being caught in my so called sneaky endeavors.

"Anyways, my friends were Sayuri, another girl named Inoue Orihime and a big guy named Chado Yasutora. And honestly, I don't think I could call them the real deal. Chado was cool, just hella quiet. Sayuri was cool, just violent as all get out. Inoue…she…well, I don't know. I never had a real coherent conversation with her. She was just fucking clingy as fuck."

I smile inwardly at his description of this Inoue Orihime girl. So I was right. He _would_ have groupies if not for this place. He apparently had them at a young age.

"But yeah, I had next to no friends, was always getting into fights at school, was quiet and anti-social at home. I heard them say that they hadn't seen any real emotional development from me since I turned eight. My parents thought I was fucked. I started thinking I was too. Soon after that I started going to see all these shit psyche doctors and therapist because Mommy and Daddy thought I had development disabilities." His voice drips with sarcasm. "Boy were they wrong." he half laughs. "And so here I am." he says, gesturing to his surroundings vaguely.

"So do you have any idea what could have, well… you know, triggered the voices?" I ask. After listening to his story, I had to ask myself that. He never said anything about a particularly traumatic even happening, no neglect as a child. Nothing that could have set off his disorder.

"Nope. It's weird. I just woke up one day and heard this person talking to me and there was no one in the room." I suppress a shudder at this; trying hard not to let my unease show at what he just said. I don't want to hurt his feelings but it's, well…creepy, for lack of a better word.

"You know Ichigo I don't know why you're here. Prior to me asking, I had no idea what you were in for. No clue, no guesses. You-do you even still have that problem?"

He looks down, not meeting my gaze and I'm curious. He has been so open with me for the past hour or so that I've been in here. I'm seriously surprised at the amount of personal stuff he's told me tonight. But now all of a sudden he can't meet my eyes?

"Well yeah. I can still hear him. He's talking to me now. I'm still as much a schizo as I've ever been." he says quietly, head still down. He scowls at his hands folded in his lap.

"You seem so-so normal you know? You have a remarkable ability at, well, masking your disorder. I've studied the effects schizophrenia has on people and the signs you should look for in someone who suffers from it. There are no indicators coming from you Ichigo. What I mean to say is…why don't you um, you know, _pretend _that you're better. You're so good at not showing it that I doubt if anyone would know the difference. You're one of those people that can still function out there, even with a serious disorder. You could be free Ichigo. You don't have to have to be here."

He lifts his head slowly and I see a myriad of emotions swimming beneath the surface of his light brown eyes. He looks at me with those pretty eyes of his filled with sorrow, anger, confusion, self-hatred. I'm reminded of the first time I stepped into his room.

"I--like I said, I was a real ass to my little sisters. They ended up being afraid of me, not only because I was a true dip-shit but because they were just scared. I acted different from other people and they were little, they thought everyone was supposed to act a certain way. And maybe they were right. But they didn't understand what was wrong with me and couldn't accept it. _I _didn't even understand and I _still_ can't accept."

"But that's probably the one thing that hurts the worse about my whole shitty life. I was-I made my little sisters not want to be around me. Even Karin. They're twins but almost complete polar opposites. Yuzu was always sensitive, but Karin, not her. She always put on a brave face and a tough façade, and she _was _a tough little girl. Nothing got to her, nothing but me."

"I was their Ichi-nii and Oni-chan, their big brother. I'm supposed to protect them from the shit that scares them. Not be one of the things that does." He pauses and takes in a shuddering breath. "So basically, as stupid as this sounds, I make myself seem unstable every once in a while, on purpose. Since I've been in here they've really blossomed. They can grow up without kids teasing them about their crazy older brother. And when I'm here, I work on my shit. When I'm better, or at least one hundred percent in control of myself, I'll-I'll leave so I can be with my family again. I just don't want to scare them anymore." he finishes softly.

He looks so unsure of himself and whether he's been doing the right thing. I'm once again reminded of how old he is. He's had to deal with a potentially crippling disorder that most adults aren't able to handle, at all, since the tender age of seven. And he's still just a kid! I reach over and take one of his hands in mine without thinking.

We just sit on his bed, legs folded and holding hands. His hand is so much larger than mine. Warm too. His thumb begins to make slow circles on the back of my hand. I find myself receiving comfort from him when my original goal was to lend him some.

After a while he lifts our joined hands and opens his up, palm flat against mine. The size difference is very noticeable now, almost laughable. His fingers dance along mine for a second until he brings his hand flush against mine and interlocks his long fingers with my own. My stomach jolts at the action. I was just holding his hand with purely innocent intentions. Honest! But his fingers laced with my own, why does it feel so strangely intimate?

I can't bring myself to look into his expressive amber eyes. I'm afraid of what I might find.

* * *

A/N: yeeeaaahhh....i tried my best not to make things sound too stupid. Honest! it took me a million years to get the chapter to go where i even half liked it.

i always thought Zangetsu and Hollow Ichigo made real Ichigo seem a lil schizo anyways... had some Ichigo POV where we got to see where he stands on his feelings for Rukia... Rukia is still confused/lying to herself (typical)... ended things off with a dash of fluff...all in all, decent i guess.

And Monday was ma BIRTHDAY! so as a late b-day present, um, review extra hard?

Anyways...comments, questions, concerns, flames, bashing? add it in a REVIEW please.  
Laterz!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: i don't own Bleach

* * *

Ichigo, he's something else.

The guy is a trooper, and I mean it in the true meaning and sense of the word.

I listen to him talk to me in more detail about him and his 'illness'. I listen as he tells me how he's dealt with everything. How depressed he has been. How, at times, he just wanted to let it all go. But here he is, despite it all, thinking of his little sisters and the rest of his family. Still trucking, still pulling through. I can't help but marvel at his strength, his bravery and sheer determination. I admire him.

And it's not just admiration. I've come to really care about him, as a patient, as a friend and as that grown up figure, a cross between older sister and mother. It's apparent that Ichigo was never shown much affection or attention as a child (though the more I've come to know him, he was probably unintentionally pushing people away) so I try to make up for lost time. When I come to his room I always spend a few extra minutes. I'll eat my lunch with him, I hang out with him for a few before I leave. Grimm has commented on how I skip out on him often and for that, I am sorry. But it's not just him. Ikkaku and Yumichika see less of me too. I'm sure Tatsuki and Byakuya couldn't give a flying shit.

It's just that I know Ichigo needs me. He'll never say it, but I can see it in his eyes. He's been carrying a shit load of weight on his shoulders for a long time, much too much for a sixteen-year-old to carry on their own. And I've noticed, since that first time where we really sat down and talked, his eyes have been a little clearer, his shoulders a little less hunched. I like to think I did that for him. Makes me want to try harder, to see how much more progress we can make together.

There's not much that I wouldn't do for the kid. Yeah, he's that special.

I tell him everyday that he has no business being here. Yes, I know he has a serious, for most people severe disorder. Yes, I understand why he wants to stay, but it's silly to me. He should be with his family. He should be with the ones that truly care about him. I just know he'd be better off. He's already missed so much of his adolescences and he's still telling me day after day that he's just not ready to go yet. Just a little more time, he says. I'll be able to block them out so well that people will swear I'm normal, he tells me. I can't accept this. He told me he's been in and out of psyche wards since he was 13!

I tell him I'm going to get him out of here. I tell him it everyday. He laughs. Yet I am so serious. I'm going to get him out. It's one of those few things that I feel strongly about. It's my goal. Something I'm set on accomplishing. If I have to pull a few strings (or many), I'll do it. I'll figure a way out for him, no matter how much it will hurt me to see him go…

* * *

It's an early, rainy Wednesday morning and I don't want to be here.

I'm inching my way down the hall to Bya-kun's room and quite frankly, I'm afraid to go inside.

He's sick. He won't talk. Won't eat anything solid. Barely sleeps. And this nonsense has been going on since before Ichigo's birthday, roughly 2 and a half weeks, probably a little more. I'm past my 'concerned' mark. I'm afraid.

I know he was issued in here because of his extreme manic depression coupled with hallucination but this has got to be one of the worse episodes he's had. No, it's _the_ worst.

I knock. "Kuchiki-san? It's me, Rukia. I need to come in." I say. He won't answer when I just knock anymore so I feel it's necessary to announce myself…even if he doesn't answer that either.

I walk into his room after a few seconds of waiting. What I'm greeted with is the same thing I've been greeted with for the past couple weeks. A tired, pale and frail looking Byakuya sitting in an armchair pulled up next to his window. He does not look up at my entry.

I close the door and walk around his bed towards him and immediately notice something actually _is _different. He has an IV attached to his arm. I watch in horror and anger as the fluid drips in slow intervals from the bag into the long IV line stuck in his arm. Oh for Pete's sake! I march over to him, getting ready to do some serious yelling.

"Kuchiki Byakuya! What are you doing to yourself?!" I scold as I come to a halt directly in front of him. His dulled grey eyes glance up at mine for a split second, then he looks away staring into nothingness. I resist the urge to scream and grab his chin to make him look at me, or just slap him. Anger and violence are not the answers Rukia. Bad Rukia.

I glance up at his IV bag, quickly reading the labeling, not really understanding the scientific jargon. But something I do understand catches my eye. 'For insufficient consumption of nutrients' it says.

"Kuchiki-san. You're being fed intravenously for malnutrition? Cause you won't eat?! What is going on with you?!" My voice steadily rises, getting louder and louder with my growing disbelief and frustration.

He never once raised his eyes again from that nothingness he's been staring into. I scowl down at him then turn and grab his other armchair and pull it around right across from his. I sit down and stare him down. "Alright Kuchiki-san. I'm going to sit here and you are going to talk to me. Anything that's bothering you, you need to tell me. I'm not moving until you do. I mean it."

And so I sat…

…and he sat.

And I was totally about to get my ass out of the seat and throttle him after sitting for twenty-four minutes. How he can completely ignore my presence for more than a quarter of an hour, when my face is a foot away from his, I have no idea. I _do_ know that I was foolish to come in here and think I could force anything out of Byakuya. He's more stubborn than anyone I have ever met. If he wants to talk then he'll talk, but until then, it'll be a cold day in hell before I hear so much as a peep from him

It saddens me though. I always thought that he favored me over the other nurses. Sure he's quick to tell me off and glowers in my direction every time we're near each other. So he makes a habit out of talking down to me and generally being difficult. But I've heard how he treats the other nurses and I had come to the conclusion that his behavior around me is significantly better. It's just, I thought that maybe that favoritism (however miniscule) would be my ticket to the mystery bout of extreme depression he is in. I want him fucking better! I thought that maybe he trusted me a little more and would open up to me, like how Ichigo did. Silly me.

Twenty-seven minutes and not a word from him. I sigh in defeat. "Look Kuchiki-san. It was wrong of me threatening you and trying to force your issue out. I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry. I'm just very, very concerned about you. I've never seen you this bad off and looking at the other nurses' reports, neither have they. I want you better Kuchiki-san and I think your first step towards recovery should be to tell someone, _anyone,_ what's been going on with you. We can't help you if we don't know the problem."

I look at his face, trying to see a flicker of emotion behind his dead grey eyes. Something was there, but it left before I could identify it. I sigh again and prepare to stand. "Well Kuchiki-san, if ever you want to talk…" I trail off. As I stood and was reaching for the chair to move it back in it's rightful place, I felt a cold, strong but thinning hand grip my arm. I look down to see Byakuya wearing his usual disdainful expression (one that I haven't seen in who knows how long), still staring at that same nothingness. My heart rate picks up and I'm excited; no, eager. I quickly sit back down and he removes his hand from me.

"Yes Kuchiki-san?" I ask, hoping that he is willing to speak now.

"The anniversary was a few days ago." His voice is low but still so powerful. There is none of the raspy delicacy that I figured there would be, what with him not so much as uttering a syllable for damn near three weeks.

"Anniversary of what?" I ask, yet I am pretty sure I know what he will tell me.

He sighs softly. "My late wife's death." He pauses and looks out the window.

"She's been… giving me a bit of a hard time." he continues softly. "She yells at me. She points to her bloody mess of a midsection and tells me its my fault. She screams at me and says if I wasn't more in love with my work and always away on business, then this would have never happened to her. We'd still be a family. We'd be an even _bigger _family, she says. We would be working on having a child." He stops and looks to me with eyes drowning in sorrow. "I always wanted children, Kuchiki Rukia."

Something in me stirs at his words. At times, he talks about his late wife as if she's still here. His intermixed use of present and past tense; it's confusing. I know he knows she's gone but sometimes it seems as if he doesn't.

Nonetheless, I have to stop myself from throwing my arms around him in a huge hug and crying with him, even though he has yet to shed a tear. One look into his eyes and I can tell he is holding them back for my benefit. I bite my tongue and force my eyes to stop watering as I wait for him to continue. So childishly pathetic. So emotionally weak.

He shifts around in his seat and straightens up. He looks toward the ceiling and sighs again. "What I really just cannot stand is the blaming. I still want to be with her, I still love her. I tell that to her every day. But she must stop blaming me. I'm sorry I could not be there to protect her when it happened. I'm sorry she's alone now but it can't be changed and I want her to stop blaming me. I can't take it. It's driving me crazy." All this was said as he stared at the ceiling, his voice steadily rising from that deep melancholy to a more and more panic and edgy sound. As he stops, he brings his gaze down to mine. "I want her to stop." and after he said that, I saw a visible something behind his eyes snap.

"I want her to stop. I want her to stop." he said, quietly at first. His little mantra, beginning out low, gains in volume and feeling and I am freaking out. "I want her to stop! I want her to stop! I'm tired of it! I'm tired.. I'm tired… I'm tired…. I'm..tired…" and after awhile (too long of awhile), he quiets. I hover around him, not sure on what to do. I had leapt from my seat as soon as the yelling started. My first instinct is to comfort him, but what can I say? What can I do?

I resist the urge to stroke his long hair. I know he does not want to be touched and I'm almost afraid that he'd lash out at me but I still don't know what to do. I bite my lip and look to the ceiling for answers, forcing my tears to stop fucking up my vision and invading my eyes.

"Come on Kuchiki-san. I'll help you to your bed." I tell him after standing there for some time, my voice no higher than a whisper.

I grab his hand and he pushes himself off the chair. His weakened legs buckle and I quickly wrap an arm around his diminishing waist to keep him upright. Out of the corner of my eye I see a very slight but highly noticeable scowl mar his pale face. In spite of the situation I almost crack a smile. Byakuya is not a helpless man and I know he never wants to be seen as one. It's probably killing him that I'm helping him to his bed, but with him in his weakened state it wouldn't be possible otherwise. I'd be helping him off the floor rather than from a chair, which I'm sure he would hate ten times more.

We make our way over slowly. I help him lay down and ask if he wants his sleeping medication. For the first time in weeks he says yes. I hand him two small white pills which he swallows without the cup of water I hold out for him.

He lays in bed, eyes closed and breathing deeply, waiting for the medication to knock him out into oblivion.

"Kuchiki-san. Talk to your psychiatrist. Tell him what you told me today. He'll listen and he can help you more than I can." I say as I watch him breath. I know he's still awake. "If it will make you feel better, I'll try and get a hold of him and tell him myself, that is, if you didn't want to talk about it more." I pause, thinking about how he looked so wild back there. Wild and scared and hurt. "I'm really glad you told me, Kuchiki-san. I'm no doctor or anything, but I know sometimes just sharing your problems with others can make you feel so much better." I stop again and look at his closed eyes. Is he sleep? I close my own eyes and lift my head towards the ceiling again. "Arigatou Kuchiki-san, for telling me. I'll help you get better." I say softly.

I turn around to head out the door but stop when I'm almost there. I'm finding it very difficult to leave him. I turn back and look at his steadily rising and falling chest. "And your wife, she's not blaming you. It's you and your guilt that's doing it."

* * *

And so I find myself in front of that familiar door that sends jolts of something pleasant yet sickening through my stomach; down my spine. Room 241.

I haven't knocked yet. Just standing here knowing I look like a lost puppy, because… I haven't been to the other rooms yet. However, instead of feeling discombobulated, I can't even find it in me to care.

Odd…

Normally I'm fairly OCD when it comes to order, schedules, plans and the like. If I have a certain sequence in which I do stuff, I stick to it no matter what. When I don't go in said arrangement I get all irritable, annoyed and dysfunctional (so dysfunctional in fact, that I just end up backtracking and going in my original order anyway). The only time I can think of when I did this at work was when I went to talk to Grimm that day.

So why am I standing in front of Ichigo's door when I just left Bya-kun? After Byakuya I go to Tatsuki, next Grimm, then Ikkaku, Yumi-chan, and finally Ichigo. Not so much today. Couldn't care less either.

Upon leaving Byakuya, I had this intense, burning, irresistible _need _to see that brightly colored head of clementine orange hair. To see his arrogant smirk or that sweet and shy smile, his soul-searching brown eyes. I just want to be in his presence. To see him for just a little bit.

Snapping back to the present, I'm surprised the door hasn't swung back to reveal an entirely too awake yet still sleep ruffled Ichigo. Granted, I have yet to knock but it's like he's got ESP. He just kind of _knows _when I'm coming and is there to open the door in the exact second my knuckles touch the wood. I don't know if I should be creeped out or feel… uh, something else.

I decided against knocking and just barge in, almost expecting to see him behind the door. Waiting on me.

I walk in and open my mouth to call out to him when I spot his hair surrounded by the fluffy pillows and blankets.

Oh, he's sleep.

I walk over as quietly as I can and peer down at his relaxed face only to realize that this is as smooth and scowl-free I've ever seen it. He looks…sweet. Like the fresh-faced sixteen year old boy that he would have been, if not put through such hardships so early on in life.

I back up from him and slide into a chair, just watching him sleep. I don't think I will wake him just yet. Byakuya's story did a number on me. I just want to go home and curl up with Chappy, a good romance novel, some hot chocolate and have a good cry.

I stifle the urge and quell the stinging in my still watery eyes. What good would crying do for these guys? Shit, for anyone for that matter. I just can't help it though. I don't even know what it is. I just feel _bad_. For them and all the stupid and terrible shit life threw at them. Every one of them are good guys. It sucks. They don't deserve it. Byakuya doesn't. Ichigo doesn't. Tatsuki and Grimm don't. Ikkaku and Yumichika; they don't either.

I stare at the still sleeping Ichigo and decide not to wake him. It's still early and I'll be back to sit with him for lunch anyway.

I stand to leave but my eyes are drawn to him. They always are. Today though I can let them linger since he isn't awake. And linger they do. I take in his soft looking lips and imagine the same sexy crooked smirk that he's been giving me more and more. I look at his closed eyes and the surprisingly thick lashes that rest on his cheek, a deeper shade of orange from his hair. I find myself silently wishing that his eyes would snap open, just so I could see those still breath-taking bright ambers.

Of it's own accord, my hand comes up and smoothes across his forehead. I brush his hair back from his face, it's getting kind of long.

He twitches underneath my hand and I hope that he is waking yet pray that he isn't. He's not. He shifts around in his blankets for a bit then stills. My hand, still on his forehead, travels down to his cheek. He presses his face into my hand unconsciously and sighs.

The stinging in my eyes is back. I'm not going to cry though. I won't.

* * *

Ok. Original schedule, back in full swing.

I'm standing behind the closed door of Tatsuki's room, watching her fumble around with her crutches. This is new.

When I first started working here, I was told that Tatsuki would do nothing for herself. Nurses had to put her in her wheel chair to take her to the restroom, to go eat, to leave the room period. They had to push her everywhere because she refused to get used to doing it herself. No one even bothered to get her any crutches. For what? If it involved her having to use her one good leg or the use of her wheelchair, she just didn't try.

Looking at her now, as she struggles to walk across the room with nothing but the aide of her crutches and refusing my help, I feel my heart swell with nothing but pride and admiration for the woman. The same woman who so stubbornly wouldn't look at said crutches and wouldn't even touch the hand rim of her wheelchair for so long.

"Shit!" screams Tatsuki as she slams one crutch down on the ground and leans against the wall for support. I snap out of my reverie and see her sweating and fuming and scowling down at the discarded crutch on the floor.

"C'mon Arisawa-san. Maybe you've had enough for today." I say as I close in on her, intending to help her to her bed. Her eyes snap onto me and she almost growls.

"Don't touch me. Leave me alone. I'll do it my fucking self."

I don't respond but watch as she stoops down carefully to retrieve the crutch that she threw. She grunts as she pushes herself up into a standing position. More sweat trickles down her temple as she makes a slow but steady trip to her bed. And what do you know; she makes it. She sets her crutches against the wall and falls backwards on her bed with a loud groan.

"Fuck, I don't know how I let myself become so weak." she sighs breathlessly.

"Well we could start your physical therapy back up." I inform as I watch her take deep long breaths of air. When she first arrived at Seireitei she was receiving physical therapy twice a week, so I was told. She was just so uncooperative that they had no choice but to discontinue it. The money wasted on an unwilling patient could be going to someone that really needed it after all.

"That is of course, if you're really serious." I add, a slight teasing in my voice.

I look at her and she looks at me. Her dark brown eyes burn with intense determination. She smirks. "I'm serious Kuchiki. I'm ready to get the hell out of here." I roll my eyes.

"You've been saying that even since you arrived on the premises." I intone sarcastically. Her eyes narrow. "But alright then Arisawa-san." I continue. "I'll put you on the list and I'll see if I can't get you set up for Friday" I say, returning her smirk.

"Great. Can't wait."

* * *

Walking across the hall, I feel a twinge of happiness in my otherwise encompassing sadness. God today has been such a drag. At least Tatsuki is doing well though. No longer in her bitter depression and she's doing _really_ well, better than I would have expected. That's something worth celebrating, right?

Making my way fully across the hall I pause in front of Grimm's door and knock, feeling a little more happiness bubble up inside me, just a little. I always enjoy checking up on Grimm. He's my blueberry buddy.

"Yeah" he says loudly, drawing out each letter. I open his door and walk in with a small smile gracing my features.

I step into his cold and dark room and see him curled up on his side swathed in blankets again, facing away from me. "Hey Grimm. How are you? Cold again? I'll see if I can't get someone to look at the thermostat in here." I say as I advance towards his lumpy form in the quietness of his room.

I notice he's abnormally quiet and oddly motionless. Odd. And my overactive imagination gets the best of me starting- now. I wonder if… I wonder if he's having one of his episodes (which makes no sense, Grimm's violent and loud every time he has one. I just wasn't thinking). A picture of Byakuya's wild looking eyes flashes through my head and I'm flying across the room to his bedside. My nerves are still shot from the scare Byakuya gave me earlier and I feel anxiety grip my chest and almost paralyze my heart. All my schooling and training flew out the window. What am I supposed to _do_ in these situations? The only thing floating around in my otherwise empty head is, 'not again'.

The top of his blue head is the only thing visible as I crouch down next to his bed. "Grimm?" I call to him quietly.

No response

"Grimmjow." I call again, reaching out to shake what I assume is his shoulder this time. When I grasp a hold of his upper arm he shifts out of my reach and sighs loudly saying, "Can I help you?"

So startled I am from his deep and sensual voice, even muffled as it was, booming from underneath the blankets unexpectedly. So unexpectedly in fact, that I sit back abruptly and end up falling on my ass.

Upon hearing his familiar sexually stimulating voice I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. I shift into a kneeling position, rubbing my hurt ass and bruised tailbone, trying to get a better look at him.

Relief floods me. Grimm's okay!

As long as I've been working here, I've never really had to deal with patients when they have 'lost their marbles', so to speak. Sadly enough I'm just no where around when someone's having a freak attack. I've dealt with Yumichika a lot when he's in one of his spells, sitting in his bed rocking back and forth while mumbling incoherently, so I know what to do for him. Tatsuki, I guess you could say I'm good at handling her episodes too since she's pretty much permanently having one, what with her unbearable unceasing depression. But when they're really just falling to pieces, I'm at a loss most of the time.

Peeking under the blanket to try and find Grimm's face, I once again feel relieved. If seeing Byakuya so upset bothered me so deeply (especially surprising because generally he's busy putting me in a bad mood) then I'd hate to have to see Grimmjow like that. Or Ichigo…

I peel back his blanket and peer down into sullen cerulean eyes. I'm taken aback for all of five seconds (what's he got to be sullen about?) before I feel the first stirrings of irritation. " 'Can I help you?' What the hell do you mean by that?" I question, more than a little peeved. He huffs and rolls his eyes closed, further pissing me off.

"What the hell Grimm?! I was really worried about you just now an-"

"Che, worried enough to stop by more than twice a day? Worried enough to tear yourself away from that orange fuck?"

"Wha-? What are you talking about!?" I demand, looking down on him with fire in my eyes. And he doesn't even bother to open his closed ones, just lays there and ignores my question. It makes me a little crazy. I suppress the urge to deck him in his jaw and climb onto his bed to kneel next to his prone body. His eyes fly open once he feels my weight settled beside him. Heh. I don't even give myself the small victory smirk that is threatening to break through before I grapple down for his shirt collar and bring his face up close to mine.

"What's your problem Jaegerjaques?" I'm almost surprised at how menacing I sound but then again, he really pissed me off. "I come in here to see you and you're acting like a true asshole. I tell you I was worried about you and you scoff in my face. You interrupt me when I _express _my worry. You ignore me when I ask you questions and then act like you don't want to look at me! What the hell's your deal?!"

My fist is balled up in the front of his shirt and we are almost nose to nose. I know my eyes show my anger and surprise at how he's acting. And I am surprised. Grimm has never once gotten catty with me, he's never given me any problems period.

I look into his fierce aquamarine eyes and see the beginnings of a sneer mar his attractive features.

"You don't know what my problem is?" His voice is as angry as I've ever heard. "My problem is you and that fucking kid! That goddamn kid! You flock to his room everyday like he's the only one here. Or like he's the only one that matters. What the fuck?! Fucking Byakuya's over there wasting away and turning into a mute! Tatsuki's gonna end up killing herself with those damn crutches of hers! Why aren't you there for them? What's so special about the kid? Or maybe I got it all wrong. I see how you look at each other. Maybe you go over there with work being the last thing on your mind. Careful Rukia. Remember? I'd _hate _to see you fired and locked up on charges of statutory rape." he all but spits the last.

I gasp and jerk back from him and his cold words, dropping his shirt from my grasp and tumbling backwards off the bed. I land ungracefully on my already bruised tailbone _again _and feel tears spring to my eyes this time. From pain or his hateful words, I don't know.

"Shit midget!"

As I painfully prop myself up on my elbows I see Grimm's blue head spring into view and watch him climb from his bed through the haze of misty tears. "Damn, are you okay?" he has the nerve to ask as he reaches his hand out to help me up. The bastard…

"I don't want your fucking hand!" I almost shriek. He pulls back from trying to help me up and has the nerve to look wounded at my words and tone. The bastard! "I've had a very emotionally charged, shitty, confusing, fucked up and depressing day Grimm and you're not making it any better." I almost wail "Why, when you know that whole topic bothers me, would you bring it up so callously to throw in my face?"

He doesn't respond but looks away shamefully, and I burst into tears.

* * *

I'm back in 241. This time Ichigo is awake, making it all the more pleasant.

After my emotional breakdown in front of Grimmjow I stayed in his room for an extra hour before checking on Ikkaku and Yumichika. Not many words were exchanged between us. We just sat there, basking in each others presence and enjoying the others company. I felt I owed it to him but I didn't do it for that reason alone. He's right. I neglected him, and the others, in favor of Ichigo. Thinking he needed me more than everyone else. So wrong. Grimm needs me. Byakuya could use a listening ear every now and then, granted, if he's in the mood to talk. Tatsuki could definitely use moral support in her quest to leave Seirietei Psychiatric Ward. In my pre-occupancy with Ichigo I hadn't realized how lackluster Grimm had become, and I feel terrible for that.

I know he felt truly horrible about the stuff he said also. He says he didn't mean any of what came out of his mouth but I know better. He meant it all, and that's what gets to me.

We sat on his little twin sized bed, side by side. Backs propped up with pillows against the metal headboard; his hands resting behind his head, mine folded in my lap. And it was nice. Being in the presence of a good friend always is. Until he opened his mouth again… He's got a knack for saying totally inappropriate stuff and alternately knowing exactly what to say. It's just he rarely gets the timing right. He's gifted.

I feel my face scrunch up in a frown as I remember what he asked me a little before I left.

_~Flashback~_

"_You like him, don't you?"_

"_No." I responded immediately_, _maybe a little forcefully, but I felt a blush burn my cheeks._

_Grimm looked at me from the corner of his eyes. I watched him out of my peripheral. His mouth curved up into a smirk. _

"_Not gonna say, 'Yes I have a deep affection for all my patients.'?"_

"_No."_

"_No pretending that you don't know who I'm talking about?"_

"_Who else could it be? You just all but accused me of raping him." I reminded him. His smirk dropped instantly, replaced with a shameful expression. His eyes lowered. _

"_Touché."_

_Alls quiet for ten minutes and I'd thought he had dropped it. No such luck._

"_Don't fucking lie to me midget."_

_I sighed and got up, preparing to leave. His smirk was back. I shook my head. _

"_Shut up Grimm."_

_~End Flashback~_

I jerk back to the present, having my eyes focus in on the last thing I was looking at before I… drifted off. It's really coming down now; the rain.

"You're really quiet today." Ichigo says softly.

"Ah. Just tired of the rain"

"You dislike it? Since I've been in and out of mental wards I've come to kinda like rain. It sets the mood; gives 'em just the right atmosphere. Makes being here feel all the more real."

I scowl down at my lap and hope that he's being sarcastic. Sad thing about it is I don't think he is, entirely at least.

"Oi, what's wrong?" he asks curiously.

"Nothing." I reply without looking up.

I hear rustling and light, padded steps; a sure sign that he's moving around the room, probably towards me. I feel my face heat up with a blush. Since Grimm so tactfully spurred the conversation that ultimately made me leave his room, I've found myself nervous and shy around Ichigo again. Pathetic as hell. Why?! What am I, fourteen again?

I'm contemplating on how it is he's even able to _make_ me blush by doing absolutely nothing when orange fills my vision.

I sit back in my chair abruptly and suppress a squeak of surprise. My eyes zero in on his honeyed browns. His face looks so sincere, even with a scowl in place. Ichigo sits in front of me; cross-legged and on the floor. He's really close to me, almost flush with the chair I'm seated in. And _since _I'm seated in a chair and he isn't, his head is about level with my belly button. I blush eve more furiously than before. If his head was any lower I'd kick him in the face and bolt, or… die.

My brain is trying desperately hard to simultaneously envision that daydream/fantasy I had weeks ago and push it far far back into the dark recesses of my mind. Internal battles rage on, along with emotions and hormones, until he finally speaks.

"You're a terrible liar, Rukia." he says in his terrifically slightly husky, masculine voice. "It's written all over your face. I can see- Wait a minute. Have you been crying?" he asks me, his voice going rough. He must have noticed my red-rimmed eyes. I hear his question but I don't respond; can't. I'm awe-struck. And can barely think to breath, let alone form a coherent sentence. Somehow I manage, sometime later though.

"No. I'm allergic to the rain." I say lamely.

"Heh. That's something I've never heard of-" he says seriously, trailing off. He shifts and raises up onto his knees. His upper waist fits snuggly between my parted legs and he's leaning into me, reaching up towards my face. His thumb swipes under my right eyelid. "-being allergic to rain." he finishes softly, _the _sexy smirk flitting over his already gorgeous features. Forget awe-struck. I'm dazzled.

With him this close to me, my skin breaks out into goose bumps. "You can tell me." he says to me even softer, almost whispered. My eyes involuntarily close and I revel in his warm calloused hand on my face; for just a second longer. Too much longer. I reach up and drag his hand down and open my eyes to see he's already settled back on his heels, pulling away from me.

"I- it's nothing Ichigo, really. Just a bad day."

He looks at me skeptically with those intense orbs of his. "If you say so…" he finally concedes.

I just look at him and try to form some semblance of a reassuring smile. It ends up feeling tight lipped and forced but it's all I can manage right now.

H takes that as his cue and gets up and I follow suit.

We stand there awkwardly; him staring at me and me staring at the floor. I shift around on my feet and start heading towards the door. "Well Ichigo, I guess I'll be leaving now. I'll be back later on in the evening." I turn back and regard him just as I was about to open the door. "And remember. You've got to start 'getting your shit together'." I use air quotes to mock the words he so commonly uses to refer to his handling of his schizophrenia. "I told you, I'm going to get you out of here." I say quietly with determination.

I turn to leave after that, closing the door softly behind me.

I have to wonder though. Why does it seem he never shares my resolve in the matter. And why I fake my cheerfulness.

* * *

A/N: ugh, finally. Not my fav chapter by far but I just can't be bothered with it anymore.

Uh, not much else to say other than this was, more or less, a character development chapter. After rereading it after I uploaded it here I realized that everyone is ooc and seems like they're pmsing. I'm sorry but it couldn't have been done any other way, especially Byakuya.. And I didn't realize what a blue feel this chapter had while I was writing it.

In the end (after rereading it fully for the 5th time and _still_ feeling bummed) I felt like this was a hodge-podge, helter-skelter jumble of loosely related ideas that had a very bad flow. Bleh. better luck next chapter, eh?

I hope to add more Ichigo pov and more on his voices, maybe give them an appearance. We'll see.

Anyways...comments, questions, concerns, flames, bashing? add it in a REVIEW please.  
Laterz!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach nor do i know much about psychiatric facilities.

A/N: I'm dedicating this chapter to Nicc259 (I have no idea if you're still reading...but yeah) who made a small comment in passing that sent masses of plot bunnies dancing around in my head and ultimately, the birth of what I think is a fairly decent chapter.

Warning: Things will likely get confusing in this chapeter. So, to keep the confusion to a minimal...tada!

GUIDE:

Hichi- kun = hollow Ichigo (voice number 1). _Text written like this is Hichigo talking. _As for the name, i wanted to deviate from the norm. And remember, Ichigo has 'known' him since he was a little kid. It's kind of a childhood pet name that just stuck.

Ossan = Zangetsu (voice number 2). _**Text written like this is Zangetsu talking. **_In this fic, Zangetsu will be referred to as ossan. (He will have very few lines in this chapter)

'Text written with these quotes is Ichigo talking to his inner voices.'

"Text written with these quotes is regular conversations."

Text written like this is regular POV to specified character.

* * *

(A month or so has pasted.)

**~Ichigo POV~**

Why is she so hell bent on getting rid of me?

Now that I've come to terms with being here, since I actually look forward to the next day, my new found semblance of happiness must be taken away from me? I'll be damned!

_You'll be damned?_ I'll _be damned! That old geezer'll be damned too! Your fucking selfish King._

'Heh. Is that so?'

_Yeah it's fucking so! _

I'm sitting on bed cross-legged and staring out the window, conversing with the ones that reside in my head. And it seems that they're just as upset about getting the boot as I am.

'Why would it bother you and ossan?' I question.

_That old goat's been pissing and moaning about clouds and rain and shit since forever. Recently though, since that hot little nurse of yours arrived on the scene, he hasn't opened his mouth once on the issue. And let me tell ya, the silence is bliss._

Hmph. Yeah, figures. Ossan once told me that when my moods are dull and depressing or when something is upsetting me, it's cloudy, cold and rainy (what the hell was he talking about? where is this?). The mood, along with my own is so dismal; so drab. Utterly shitty. He hates it. Can't say that I wouldn't.

'You never said why it would bother _you_… Or maybe I don't wanna know.' I say.

_Heh. Are you kidding? I know as good as you do that she's not bad to look at. Man, I wouldn't mind-_

'Enough.' is my tired reply. Like hell I want to know what he wouldn't mind doing with Rukia.

_I'd really like to-_

'Shut up.'

_You just don't know how I'd-_

'Stop already!' Relentless bastard.

_Alright, alright. But really, ossan's been content, there's a better feel here. I'm happy, _you're_ happy. And a happy you makes a much happier ossan. And a happier ossan makes for a happier me. You know I can't stand when he gets all moody and emo on me. It's a chain reaction of sorts, with you being that first link in the chain. Something fucks up your day, then _every_body's day is fucked. _

'Good to know Hichi-kun. Good to know that with a small bought of bipolar-ism_, _I could rain all over you parade.'

_No, no jokes kid. I don't think you're really understanding me. Believe me when I say it King. If you can't keep it nice and dry here, I'll do it for you. We'll switch. I'll take over and I'll swallow you up. Cause I guarantee ya, me and ossan will feel much better. I couldn't give a rats ass about _you_._

'Likewise, bastard.'

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

I've been doing some thinking. About Ichigo. And, well, I'm trying to figure out my best course of action concerning him. As the days go by, he seems to be progressively less and less enthusiastic about trying to get released. Granted, I'm not all that enthused about it either. I'll miss the guy, no big mystery there. It just feels so _wrong _for him to be missing so much of his already young life. Those Friday night football games, school dances, first romances. I bet he's never gotten to experience that magical tingle of a real crush. I want him to go out and feel it all, to get that first kiss, to be that special someone to a lucky girl, to get caught sneaking in the house after a wild night (not too wild though), the rush of being able to drive a car real fast over the speed limit and not get caught. Things that teenagers normally go through. Things that I did at that age. Things that he hasn't gotten a chance to…

* * *

"Good morning Kuchiki-san!"

"Oh, good morning Kotetsu-kun, Kotsubaki-san."

Sentaro and Kiyone are walking side by side. Kiyone smiles and waves to me while Sentaro is preoccupied with a few papers.

I make a move to walk past them and head upstairs after the short exchange of pleasantries. I woke up late this morning and I'm already running twenty minutes behind schedule.

As I move down the hallway to get to the stairs Kiyone rushes after me and grabs my arm. "Oh, Kuchiki-san. I almost forgot. Unohana-san asked me to tell you that she wants to see you in her office today on your lunch break."

Oh shit. "Did she tell you why?"

"She said she just wanted you to come in and discuss your patient reports with her." was Kiyone's chirpy reply.

"W-well I've already hand written my reports…is there a reason why she wants to talk about them?" I can't even begin to try to take the nervous edge out of my voice. I've never been called to Unohana-san's office concerning my patients. Have I done something wrong? Or is it because I was late today? I'm not _that _late am I?

"Don't sweat it Kuchiki. Sometimes Unohana-san just wants to hear how each patient is doing first hand." Sentaro speaks up, not even glancing away from those papers. "She normally asks for oral reports when she's thinking about releasing someone. I hear that Arisawa woman has made good progress recently."

In spite of my diminishing fear (thank Kami I am not in trouble), I am able to smile proudly at what he just said. "Yes. Arisawa-san has been improving remarkably for the past two months. I've been hoping she'd be able to be released soon."

"Well there you go. That's probably the reason why she's asking for you."

"Alright. Thanks Kotsubaki-san and Kotetsu-kun, for letting me know." I say as I turn and open the door leading to the stairwell, an excited smile on my face.

* * *

Lunch rolled around quicker than I expected. Before then, I'd just got done with my morning rounds checking on the guys.

~*~*~*~*~

I told Grimm that Tatsuki may be getting released soon. He scoffed and asked me why I wasn't working harder to get _him_ out. Selfish. I left after that, but I told him to keep quiet about Tatsuki. I don't know anything for sure yet.

I went to see Bya-kun next. Ever since his breakdown he's been on the road to recovery as well. He's been eating and has put on some weight; about the size he was before his prolonged episode. He's been talking again, which I am so thankful for. He's almost back to that uppity, subtly rude, slightly sarcastic man that I've always known him to be. Almost. It's just, his eyes seldom hold that quiet yet un-ignorable challenge that they used to. He's more quiet, more thoughtful these days. Maybe it's for the better.

When I walked in on Tatsuki she was busy wandering around the room, looking at this and that. Since her physical therapy sessions started, she's been able to get around so much better with those crutches of hers. She never sits idle anymore. She's always on the move, even if it is in the small confines of her room. As I watch her effortlessly move over to the window, I had to keep a tight clamp on my mouth. I wanted to tell her the good news so bad. Tell her that all those weeks of hard work are finally paying off, but I didn't. Her release is not set in stone. I haven't even talked to Unohana-san yet. I could hardly contain my excitement nonetheless.

Across the hall in my next room I found nothing. I sighed and went to Yumichika's room and found Ikkaku there. They were both just sitting in chairs pulled up close to the window, talking. No harm there. I just wish Ikkaku would stop sneaking out of his room on my watch. If he's caught, it'll be my job. And I will have his bald head for that.

When I look at these two, just sitting and having a good conversation, I see just two regular guys. Maybe they're a little on the eccentric side, a tad weird for sure, but for the most part they're your average college aged guys. But then again, I don't work nights often. I hear that their night terrors are really bad some days. Yumichika's more so.

I sat with them a while and then left, shooing Ikkaku to his room along the way (where he performed his lucky dance for me before I left). He's such a riot.

By then it was almost time for lunch and my meeting with Unohana-san. I quickly knocked on Ichigo's door to check on him and let him know I can't sit with him for lunch. Two seconds later the door swung inward to reveal a tired looking Ichigo. My eyes connected with his wary ones and he immediately stepped aside to let me in, breaking off that brief connection.

His long, lean body was lounging against the wall closest to the door. His eyes were downcast, which was odd. Whenever we're in each others presence he's normally got his eyes locked on to me, as if he's trying to see through me. To see what I'm really thinking, to understand what I'm feeling. It bothered me in more ways than one that he was almost giving me no acknowledgement. It reminded me of the first and second times I came to his room, and I didn't like that.

A minute or two passed and I'd had enough of his quietness. I spoke up and told him I wasn't going to be able to eat lunch with him today; that got him to look at me.

I didn't like the look in his eyes when I'd said that. A mixture of emotions passed over his face fleetingly. Surprise, confusion, sadness and then a deep almost scary anger. I was about to open my mouth and say something when all emotion drained from him, in the blink of an eye. He looked at me blankly then plastered on a reassuring smirk (beautiful, but totally fake; it didn't reach his eyes). He told me he'd be fine and that he'd see me later.

I still didn't like how he looked. He was talking to me, looking at me, but his eyes held a distant and faraway look. Like he was seeing and talking to me while trying to see and talk to someone else simultaneously. It was all very confusing. Very strange. I'd never seen someone with that look about them before.

I said my goodbyes and turned to leave but as I did, I glanced at him one last time, meaning to ask if he was okay. I stopped short. Those eyes…

Ichigo was up to something or something was up with him. I didn't know why I felt that way. What could he possibly be up to? What could he get into? What could have possibly been bothering him so? I didn't know what it is, he just gave me a bad feeling today. I hate to say I was afraid of him, but I think I might have been.

~*~*~*~*~

I'm almost to her office now.

I walk and wonder if this meeting will last my entire lunch hour. I want to go back up and stay with Ichigo a while. I'm almost concerned about him. He was acting off and really, I just want to make sure he's alright.

I stop in front of Unohana-san's office door, take a deep breath, and knock. "Come in" is her gentle reply.

I walk in and spy her sitting behind a very lavish desk positioned towards the middle end of the spacious room. I step in and shut the door softly behind me. I give her a timid smile (I tried for confident but failed). She smiled kindly at me in return and motioned to the seats placed in front of her desk. I took my cue and sat, waiting for her to start.

"Good afternoon Rukia-san. How were your rounds this morning?"

"Oh, well everyone was doing well and resting comfortably when I checked on them. They all seemed to be doing good." His tired and spaced out, almost haunted amber eyes flash through my mind. How he looked this morning was anything but good. I swallow thickly and force myself to forget about Ichigo for now and focus on what Unohana-san has to say.

"Alright. Tell me about Arisawa Tatsuki." She's so straightforward and to the point. I like that in a person. And I guess Sentaro was right. I was beginning to have my doubts about why Unohana-san called for me. With Tatsuki being the beginning focus of conversation, I know he was right.

I go into a long spiel about Tatsuki's improvement and how she's been progressing so rapidly in the last few months. I tell her how her physical therapy sessions are going. I've sat in on a few of them and they're intense, for lack of a better word. The fact that Tatsuki is opening up more, willing to do for herself, generally has more life and spirit now compared to when I first started working here; I try to stress it all to Unohana-san. I want Tats to be discharged just as badly as she wants to get the hell out.

Once I'm done with my long speech, I look down to my lap and wait for her response. All while I was talking she smiled gently and with an erect spine, sat with folded hands resting on her lap and in front of her long black braid. I've always admired her beauty and strong presence. She looks so serene, with a regal air about her. Her personality is gentle and soft yet commands respect and is almost intimidating. Her beauty is ethereal.

"I've noticed from the nurses reports that she has, indeed, improved greatly within a short time span. As you may or may not know, I'm looking into releasing Arisawa-san soon. I know that the patient has worked hard to get where she is and I see no more reason to prolong her stay."

Even though I knew that this was the reason I was here, sitting in this office, just hearing her say that brought up my mood ten-fold. I smiled. "Tha-that's such good news Unohana-san. I know personally that she's put in good effort and is genuinely trying her best to do what it takes. When will her release date be?"

"Usually during the release process, we monitor the patient closely for two weeks just to make sure that they are doing better and are okay to be discharged. After those two weeks are up we spend a few days, three at best, going over the patients files and reviewing their progress history. After they're given the okay, the patient may leave the next day."

"Okay, so around two and a half weeks. Should I tell her?" I asked

"No, not yet Rukia-san. I'll let you tell her when the two week viewing process is up."

"Alright…" I had nothing else to add and I knew the conversation was over. I'm kind of bummed I can't spill the good news yet to Tatsuki but hey, what can you do?

I sat for another minute, just staring at my lap. I felt awkward. Should I stand, shake her hand and leave or wait for her to dismiss me?

"Rukia-san, I've been meaning to ask you; how has Kuchiki Byakuya been fairing?" she asked. She wasn't quite smiling but looked pleasant all the same.

"He's getting there. He's more or less acting how he was before his prolonged episode. He is just a little less outspoken than he once was." I respond quickly.

As I look at her, her eyes grow cloudy and thoughtful but keep that deep spark of intelligence deep within. "I see." she sighed. "Anything else you want to add?"

Anything else? There is. Oh how there is. His striking golden brown orbs flash through my minds eye and I know this is my only chance.

"Actually, yes. One of my other patients, Kurosaki Ichigo, well he's been doing exceptionally well too. In fact, I really hadn't noticed anything to be amiss with him to begin with. He listens well, he shows no signs of being potentially harmful to himself or others, he's self-sufficient, he may suffer from mild depression at times but it's not crippling. I am aware of his condition but it does not seem to be very serious, in all honesty. I-I would really appreciate it if you considered him for release too. It doesn't have to be immediately! Just, you know….I, well I just wanted you to know that I think he's on the right track and should be considered."

Unohana-san makes a thoughtful noise in the back of her throat. I look up from my lap, where my eyes wandered to towards the end of my proposal. I see that she's busy writing something. She stops and looks up at me pensively. "Well we'll just have to see about him. Your reports on him have been very dissimilar from what his previous nurses had said-"

Dissimilar how? How did he act around them? I can't possibly think of what those other nurses could have said about him. He's all of what I described, and more really. He's a really strong and sweet boy. He tries and the only reason he's really in here is to gain more control over his schizophrenia for his families sake. He deserves to leave just as much as Tatsuki.

"-but I'll take your opinion to heart." Unohana-san was saying as I realized I'd unintentionally been tuning her out. "If I have time today, I may check in on him myself just to give him a very brief evaluation."

"Really?! Tha-that's wonderful Unohana-san. Thank you so much!" I gushed. I probably sound a little on the weird side, getting so overly excited about a patients' potential dismissal. "I just really think it would benefit Kurosaki-kun a lot more to be at home with his family than holed up in here." I add to explain myself.

"Of course. My thoughts exactly Rukia-san." she says with a gentle smile. "Now if you'll excuse me…this meeting has seemed to run a little long and I've got a few pressing things to take care of."

"Oh, well I'll take my leave then." I reply, feeling slightly flustered but wholly accomplished. I stand up, give her a grateful smile and then leave.

* * *

**~Ichigo POV~**

There was a knock on my door. I'm in a shitty mood but can't help the smile on my lips at the thought of seeing that gorgeous face of hers. I'm by the door in mere seconds and swing it open to see someone I don't know. My mood instantly sours.

"Good evening Kurosaki-san. May I come in?" I glare at the woman warily and step aside. She's tall and gentle looking. Long hair braided in an odd fashion, with the braid hanging in front of her body. She's really very pretty, but not beautiful and breath-taking like my Rukia.

I know I am still scowling at her. I try to adjust my mood by thinking of Rukia and the fact that she'll be by to check up on me sometime soon. It just doesn't work like I wanted.

The woman looks at me expectantly. I have no idea why. "May I have a seat?" she says.

I shrug. "Yeah, sure."

She gracefully sits. "So how has your day been so far Kurosaki-san?"

"Alright."

She raises a delicate eyebrow. "Just alright?"

"Yeah."

"How could it have been better?"

"I dunno. Maybe you all could give us more shit to do instead of watching and letting us rot in here." I'm not sure of who this woman is, but I suppose she's someone important here. If she were just another nurse covering for Rukia she would've stopped at the first pleasantry; and she wouldn't have asked to take a seat. Why she's here asking me pointless and nonsensical questions, I have no idea. Your guess is as good as mine. I figured if I said that, maybe she will take a hint and see just how horribly boring this shitty facility is.

Her face darkens for a split second but she chuckled at what I said. Liar. She's a good actress, but not he best. I'm good at reading people and I could tell that she found nothing funny about what I just said.

"I'll see what I can do Kurosaki-san. Now tell me, is it just the boredom that bothers you about this place?"

I hesitate before answering her. Her questions, the way she asks them, the sequence; it all seems so familiar.

"Uh, mostly." I reply.

She looks at me pensively. "What else is there that bothers you?"

I hesitate again. I feel her waiting for my answer but I feel as if it'd be bad if I gave her what she wants.

_Oi_.

No, not now. Don't listen.

_Oi, king._

Ignore it.

_Listen damnit!_

Ignore

_She's evaluating you king_

….

'Evaluating me…, for what?'

_To see if you're mentally stable. Are you mentally stable king? I think not. You'll be even less so later if she thinks you are now. Cause I told you king, if she kicks your happy ass out and that infernal rain starts again, I'll swallow you up. I'll swallow you up so fast. I'll become you, and you wont get the upper hand again. Ever._

My heart is in my throat and it's hard to swallow. It's the same threat as always, since I was a kid. But the fright never seems to lessen. He'll swallow me up, he says. He'll become me, he says. Scary as shit cause I believe him. He would if he could, but he'll never get the chance. I hope.

I think I knew she was running an eval on me. They always start the same. I wrack my brain for what I want to say to her. Should I tell her that that bastard Hichi-kuns' been coming out to play more and more. She could up my meds and maybe suppress the voices all together. I could tell her the truth; that the internal squabbling is not so bad anymore, cause truthfully it's not. But where will the truth get me? A swift kick to the ass and a one-way ticket home, where I don't want to be. I opt for the only thing I can do, and the only thing that will get Hichi-kun to shut it.

"The voices." I say plainly, turning up the distress in my voice to make it more believable.

"The voices." she echoes.

"The voices." I confirm.

"What do they say to you?"

"Nothing good." I've noticed that the less you share, the more unstable they think you are. They think that a person willing to share is more or less _trying._ That they want the help that these shit psych doctors are always willing to give. Yeah, my knowledge is vast. Years of practice'll do that for you.

I see the first signs of exasperation come from the woman. Her left eye twitched a little. Heh. "Why do you think they have nothing good to say?"

"Hell if I know. They just talk so much shit to me. I can't stand it." The 'I can't stand it' was a nice touch. I know that will make her wary of me and my potential to harm myself or others. It's too easy sometimes.

_**Ichigo, what are you doing?**_

I pause, my mouth open and ready to tell this nameless woman more bullshit that will ensure me a nice long stay here. I can't help the surprise that I know passed over my face for a scant few seconds. Ossan rarely speaks to me. Very rarely.

'I'm helping you, ossan. I'm making sure it doesn't rain. I'll make it stop, for now at least. Just wait a few' I tell him.

A whoosh, a soft breath, an exhale sounds throughout my head. A sigh. And ossan is silent. He's never one to talk much but that one short sentence and then the so obvious sound of disapproval, it bothers me deeply. I hate the knowledge that I am disappointing ossan in some way, but doesn't he know that I'm doing this for him? For all of us?

I look at the quiet woman in front of me. She looks at me and I wonder if she has asked my something else while I was out of it. I open my mouth to ask her to repeat herself but she beats me.

"Kurosaki-san, I'm going to talk to the head registered nurse here and see about upping your medication dosage. Is that going to be okay with you?" I nod my head in assent. "Do you feel like you need to talk more? Or to your assigned psychiatrist?" I look down and shake my head.

"Alright I'm going to leave now. I'll call for Kuchiki-san to come in after I'm gone." I say nothing, but at the mention of Rukia my chest flutters.

I look down at my crossed arms and wait for her to leave. I do my best to block out Hichi-kun's strangely pitched babbling.

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

It's almost time for me to leave.

I've been so busy writing up reports in preparation for Tatsuki's soon-to-be release that I haven't been able to check on my guys as often as I usually am.

I just left Yumichika's room (where I found Ikkaku again). Everyone was pretty much doing their own thing. I stayed in each of their rooms for no more than ten or fifteen minutes max.

I'm anxious to see Ichigo. I've barely been able to all day. I wonder if Unohana-san found the time to meet with him.

I walk past the double doors leading to his room when his door swings open. I stop in my tracks, mind going blank until I see who it is that stepped from the room.

Unohana-san steps out the door and closes it softy behind her. She turns towards me and stops abruptly, like she wasn't expecting to see me.

"Hello Rukia-san. Did you get those reports finished?" Always down to business. I really like this woman.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get them all done. I'm well over halfway through with them though."

"Oh, it's not a big deal. It was a lot of work. I figured it would take you more than one day to complete."

I stand there awkwardly in her presence again, not knowing what I want to say. She speaks and saves me from that dilemma.

"I just spoke with Kurosaki-san. I'm afraid I'm just not going to be able to agree with your judgment. Keep in mind Rukia-san, when dealing with mentally disturbed patients, sometime you have to dig deeper than what is visible. They may seem perfectly fine on the outside but harbor serious problems on the inside that may be detrimental to themselves and others when left untreated." She walks up to me and lays a hand on my shoulder. "I appreciate you looking out for your patients but just keep all of what I just said to you in mind." She gives my shoulder a quick motherly squeeze and walks off.

I see red.

* * *

I didn't knock when I bust through his door. Ichigo was leaning up against the wall nearest his bed, arms crossed and eyes cast downward. He looked up quickly when he heard the door bang against the opposite wall. His eyes hold that same wariness that I saw in them this morning. Once his eyes connect with me, the bleak wary look leaves him almost instantly, replacing it with the beginnings of a sweet smile.

I march over to him. He looks down at me. I punch him as hard as I can in the gut. He doubles over, clutching his mid-section and wheezing. It wasn't enough for me. I roughly push his slouching body and he falls to the floor.

He kneels on his hands and knees and groans, still holding his stomach. "Oh my god. What the hell is _wrong_ with you!" he yells raspily at me while he slowly gets to his feet.

"Ichigo, why did you lie to her?!" I scream.

"Huh? What're you talking about?"

"You lied to Unohana-san! What'd you tell her? What did you say?!" I scream again. I'm so angry.

He's quiet. I don't want quiet. "What did you _say_?!" I yell again.

"She asked me a few questions and I gave her a few answers." he says smartly. His voice is low and I can see that he's starting to get angry with me. Screw his anger! Screw it all to hell!

"You lied Ichigo! You were just telling me two days ago how much better things are getting for you. Do you know who you lied to? The head fucking director of this place! She was talking to me like she thinks you're going to go on some sort of mad spree! Now it's going to take you that much longer to convince everyone and have them realize that you aren't suffering that bad. I was on the verge of getting her to consider you for discharge! Damn you!"

I haven't been this angry in a long time. I'm so mad that I feel hot tears prickle the backs of my eyes but I refuse to shed a single one in front of him.

He looks at me with a murderous intent. He's amber eyes are blazing; I don't think they've ever been so beautiful to me. "I told you Rukia! I'm not ready to leave yet. Goddamn, how many times do I have to tell you?! Why can't you understand?!"

Apparently he's just a pissed as I am. He's never risen his voice at me and for some reason, it makes the stinging in my eyes worse. I take a minute before I speak to try and calm myself down a little. "I see what your concerned about, I really do. But I just don't want to see you rot away in here for years. Yeah, some patients _do_ spend years in here. Take Tatsuki for example." Talking calmly like that to him lessened my anger. I look at him and feel a hundred years old. Just completely drained of all energy.

I walk over to where he's standing. He's looking down again. I gently take his hand in mine and lead us to the bed. "I know you've got good control over it so don't keep feeding me that bullshit. If your worried about hurting someone or just loosing it, then don't be." I tell him as I let go of his hand and sit down. He soon follows suit. "I know you Ichigo. You cant lie to me. I know that there's nothing in this world that will make you hurt anyone, I know it."

"So please Ichigo, please, for me, don't do shit like that again. I don't want to see you in here for so long like Tatsuki. You're young. I want you to be free. And I know you want it too."

I look at him as he lifts his head and gives me eye contact. That slow smirk that I love so much is beginning to shine though again and he's got my heart beating faster and faster.

"You're right Rukia. You're completely right. I won't do something so stupid again." His smirk is infectious. I feel my face break out in my own. "Heh. For such a tiny little woman, you sure do pack one hell of a punch. I think I'll be bruised." he chuckles, rubbing his abdomen. I laugh with him.

"God you're such an idiot." I declare as I reach up and ruffle his hair.

My hand tousles his orange spiky hair but surprisingly he doesn't try to bat my hand away and I dare to let it linger. And linger it does. Of it's own accord, my hand glides through his hair and stops at the edge of his hairline. I'm feeling very light and tingly inside. Sometimes it surprises me how deeply I care for him. How fond I am of him.

I let my fingers trace a path down his face but staying in contact with the soft hair just off his forehead and at his temple. My eyes were following the track my hand was taking until I stopped at his cheek, gently cupping it in my palm. I lift my eyes from my hand and his cheek to connect with his own fiery browns . I stare into their depths, a plethora of emotions swirling inside, as I see from my peripheral that he is lifting his hand to my face too.

He mirrors what I was doing to him moments ago. His hand starts at my hairline. He gently pushes my unforgivably stubborn bang from my forehead and trails his fingers down to the side of my face with butterfly light touches. I want to close my eyes and lean into his touch, but I don't. I keep my gaze locked with his as his large and rough palm cups my cheek, just the way that mine is his. I unconsciously scoot closer to him. I can smell his scent. Pumpkin spice and sandalwood. Mmmm.

I stop cupping his warm and flushed cheek. I drop my hand a little and trace his defined jaw line, then move up slightly to touch the corner of his mouth. And I think I want him, like really. I want him in the most chastest of kisses and the most primitive of ways. And right now, I'm not afraid. Not scared of losing my job, not scared of getting caught, not afraid of our age gap. I want him wholly and completely, right now. The feeling is intoxicating and I embrace it while it lasts, cause subconciously, I know it won't. My new-found epiphany emboldens me.

I trace his sinfully hot upper lip, feeling the slight peach fuzz he has. My middle finger goes around and comes in contact with his delightfully wicked lower one. My own lips part and my tongue comes out to wet them. I want him…but something in the back of my head is screaming no, and through my fuzzy haze of emotions and feelings, I can't grasp why any part of this moment would be bad. I hold back nevertheless and bite my lip in my indecision.

My eyes lift from his mouth and connect with his and I thought I was done for. His pupils dilate and his eyelids droop as he leans in closer to me to close the gap. What I wanted to do all along. I feel his warm breath fan out across the bottom half of my face, feel the heat radiating off of his flushed skin and Kami I want it so bad, but…Just a millimeter more and I could taste his undoubtedly sweet flavor…Just the knowledge of being so close to that...

...broke the spell.

I let out a slight squeak and hop up from his bed. "U-u-um ye-yeah. I….have to go. I know obasan is here now. Do you want me to have her come up?" my voice is ridiculously frantic and breathy and I curse myself.

When I look over to him, my heart shatters; just a little. His face is still flushed as he raises his eyes towards mine. They glisten wetly. Did I---do that to him? Am I the reason his eyes look like that; like they're filling with wet shame? He looks so vulnerable right then. He lifts his hand up and shakily runs it through his hair as he straightens his back. Then in the next second, he leans forward, elbows on knees and he grips his head between his large hands. "Ah. Shit. Um, Rukia.."

"Don't worry about it. I gotta go alright?" I say in a rush, really needing to leave this room _right now._

He looks at me but I feel that if I give him eye contact I may explode. I feel so panicky.

"Yeah." he sighs

I flee.

* * *

A/N: I swear, these chapters get longer and longer...

I really hope things didn't get too confusing; Ichigo (and Hichi-kun) and Unohana's conversation specifically.

I worked REALLY hard on this chapter so I hope that everyone who took the time to read enjoyed it.

Lastly, I want to thank everyone who has reviewed. They're like a writters little (harmless) dose of crack cocaine.

Anyways...all that aside...comments, questions, concerns, flames, bashing? add it in a REVIEW please. Laterz!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach and IM SORRY FOR THE LENGTH! I had word vomit...

Not a whole lot of Ichigo/schizo voice interation in this chapter (sorry again), but just in case you forgot..

GUIDE:

Hichi- kun = hollow Ichigo (voice number 1). _Text written like this is Hichigo talking. _As for the name, i wanted to deviate from the norm. And remember, Ichigo has 'known' him since he was a little kid. It's kind of a childhood pet name that just stuck.

Ossan = Zangetsu (voice number 2). _**Text written like this is Zangetsu talking. **_In this fic, Zangetsu will be referred to as ossan. (He will have very few lines in this chapter)

'Text written with these quotes is Ichigo talking to his inner voices.'

"Text written with these quotes is regular conversations."

Text written like this is regular POV to specified character.

**

* * *

**

**~Rukia POV~**

"What the hell Rukia?"

"Why would you…._ugh_"

"What the….wha-why'd…?"

"Ahhhhh!"

I muttered and cursed, moaned and screamed. My reflection stares back at me. Pasty pale, wide-eyed and annoyed.. "Kami-sama, someone shoot me."

"What was I _doing _yesterday?"

"_Idiot!_ Ahhhhh! ."

More flushed than pale yet still wide-eyed, but my hands are now griping my hair. I've really got to calm down but..

"Dammit!" I yell.

A low resonate bark, heavy foot falls and Chappy comes around the corner, bounding into the bathroom I'm currently standing and screaming at myself in. He dances from foot to foot and lets loose a series of deep rumbley barks. I have to kneel down and stroke his head and rub his belly in reassurance; to let him know that I am fine. He's never liked it when anyone raises their voices. I've been so inconsiderate, what with my screaming for the past fifteen minutes, but I really just can't help it. I'm a mess.

After work yesterday I took Chappy for a short walk and went straight to bed. I wasn't tired, wasn't sleepy. I wasn't even thinking about that close to stolen kiss from Ichigo. I just wanted to go to bed and not _do _anything, not _start _thinking about that almost kiss_. _Just block all that extra shit from my mind. And it almost worked. Almost.

I woke up at three a.m. in a cold sweat. I'd had a nightmare, or was it the sweetest of sweet dreams? One where he made it that last centimeter of space between us, closed that gap and allowed my lips to meet his smooth ones in the softest of touches. I got up and walked to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face afterwards, wondering why I was letting that dream affect me so. Soft caresses and would-be kisses should not be breaking me out in goose flesh, cold sweats and filling me up with such jitters. I'm a damn woman!

Needless to say, I never really got back to sleep after that. I dozed off here and there, only to wake up and clutch my head, moaning and groaning about the stupidness of what I almost let happen yesterday. What I practically initiated!

I think that's what bothers me most about the whole situation. It was me that brushed his hair back from his eyes and stroked his face with light touches. I was the one that touched his lips and locked my gaze with his, longing for him evident in my expression. I know it was, because at that moment, I was totally vulnerable to the feelings and emotions that have been plaguing me concerning Ichigo. Ones that I have told myself, and even Grimm, don't exist. Ones that I always brushed aside or convince myself were purely platonic.

What a fool I am, because they reared their ugly head yesterday, and I almost bowed down to them.

I sigh heavily and stand from my stooped position next to Chappy.

If I were a lesser woman I'd call in sick to work, but I'm not going to. What's the point? Skipping work today to put yesterdays problems behind me is just postponing yesterdays problems from turning around and smacking me in the face, full force, tomorrow. Therefore, no point.

I almost feel as if I am making too big a deal out of this. Am I giving myself some unnecessary stress? I mean, shit happens right? I had a momentary lapse in judgment, a brain fart perhaps (oh Kami, the worst kind!). Zoned out, blacked out; hypnotized maybe? Picturing his magnetic, compelling and absorbing russet brown orbs and that last doesn't seem like it could be too far off from the truth. But the accompanying pained and almost broken look he gave me after I succumbed to the pull of his gaze lets me know that, hypnotized (bad excuse) or not, I fucked up.

I curse myself again. Things should have never gotten that far…

* * *

**~Ichigo POV~**

My ceiling looks as though it goes on forever

Or maybe it's just a trick of the lighting, and the fact that I've been staring at it all _fucking _night.

_You do it to yourself King. You're almost becoming as emo as ossan._

… And he hasn't shut the _fuck_ up all night.

I run a hand through my hair and pull it behind my head and rest like that, my other arm draped across my stomach. I feel almost sick.

She was… she was so beautiful yesterday. Her eyes were shining yet hazy at the same time. A breath-taking combination. Her skin is a flawless and milky white. I smile a rueful smile to myself. I _touched _that skin. Her lashes are unbelievably thick and full, giving her eyes an enchanting look. Her lips are rounded but not overly so, a light rose petal pink. And when she bit her bottom one, and _licked _it…oh god. Something fluttery and hot tightens things low in my stomach.

I noticed all this, almost seeing her for the first time. Really, _really_ noticing how truly beautiful she is. But the look on her face when she jumped up off my bed and away from me, it's the one stuck in my head the most. And now I'm feeling the depression and the sickness all over again. WHY did she have to ruin something that could have been so great? Why did she look so damn terrified and panicked afterward? …Why'd she have to stop?

_Oh my God… Goddammit King! You're in a fucking mental institute! What the hell do you expect? She's your nurse for Christ sake!_

A bitter smile forms on my face yet I say nothing. He's been right quite a lot tonight.

It's just, I know Rukia. I've spent a significant amount of time around her, and when she's not here, I'm thinking about her. Trying to figure her out. She's surprisingly complex, but so easy to read sometimes. Yesterday though, she threw me for a loop; a real curve ball.

To an extent, I've known for a while that she's attracted to me. The hot looks she gives me, the sweet blushes that appear only when I get too close, the goose bumps she gets when our skin brushes together; all indicators. Unless I'm totally ignorant and retarded about girls. A real possibility, but I doubt it.

I knew she felt a small something for me and I liked to play with her because of it. Find different ways to make her blush, make her shiver. Purposefully invading her personal space just to see how she'd react this time. Maybe wrong of me to tease her like that, but it was fun and harmless. I wasn't gonna act out on my feelings beyond the slight flirting, no matter how badly I wanted to. I didn't think she ever would either. And I was okay with that. It was just interesting, different, _nice. _It was a nice feeling, a really good one. I liked it. But yesterday and what happened, it didn't make me feel good at all afterwards. And the fact that I wasn't trying to pull anything this time, wasn't thinking about anything like that, didn't start it and she couldn't even finish it… it all just gives me a rush of emotions; most of them unpleasant.

I'm glad, almost happy in a way, but it's so bittersweet. The way she looked at me and acted was confirmation to what I was sure I knew before; she wants me but is good at keeping it under wraps. Yet I feel so disappointed that she didn't follow through. Pleased that I almost had my first kiss with the one girl, no, woman that is totally gorgeous to me but damned pissed at how quickly she left me. Overall I just feel really depressed. Like I got turned down after confessing my love to a longtime crush and a best friend, which is just fucking stupid but hey, it's how I feel. I'm anxious about seeing her today on top of it all!

_Oi King. Chill those angsty feelings the fuck out! You're pissing me off and ossan is getting moody. I can feel it. And if things progress anymore, you'll feel it when I take over and swallow you up. Fair warning King. Figure out how to fix it damnit, or you're as good as gone._

I scowl to myself and his words. I don't need this shit too!

I roll over and flip onto my stomach. I bring my fist down quick and hard on my pillow, trying to channel my sudden anger at Hichi-bitch into something not so breakable. I hear a spring in the mattress pop.

I lay there for a while, face buried in the pillow I hit, having difficulty breathing properly, not really caring. I roll onto my side after a few more minutes and gasp for the air that the pillow was blocking. Outside the window is the beginnings of a sunny day. I sigh

_**The clouds are thickening.**_

I sigh again.

'I know ossan, and I'm sorry.'

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

"Kuchiki-san, you look very…uh, you don't look well. You don't look bad! Just flushed. Are you coming down with a fever?" Kiyone asks me as she leans in close to my face, preparing to check if I'm warm. I slyly dodge her hand.

"No, no. I'm fine Kotetsu-kun. Just a little hot is all. Do you know if Iemura-sama is in?" I divert her attention away from me and ask as I peer at his closed door. I have reports to finish for Tatsuki's discharge.

"Oh, he's in alright." she replies quietly with a wary eye cast towards the shut door.

"Come back later?" I ask with my own wary and knowing look

"Yeah, that'd be best. Maybe even wait till tomorrow if it's not that important. I don't know what's got him all upset."

"God only knows." I mutter quietly. Kiyone giggles. "Well I've got to get going. I'll see you later." I call to her as I head in the opposite direction and towards the stairs. She waves and rushes off as I amble my way into the staircase.

Well that wasn't too hard. I lean into the railing and think to myself. If I can act like this and just push all of what happened yesterday far back in my head, then everything should be okay. All I've got to do is quell the blushes.

I should be fine…

This shouldn't be a problem…

…

A humorless smile crosses my face. Today is going to be long.

* * *

"Why are you still here?"

"Because, Kuchiki-san, I was informed that you haven't been taking your medicine and I need to stay here until I see you swallow it."

For some reason Byakuya is being very stubborn, and I can hardly keep back my smile. I never thought I would miss our little pointless arguments so much. This is the first one we've had since after his depression.

"And I have told you Kuchiki Rukia, I do not need any medication. Are you hard of hearing?" he questions, with his steely gaze focused on me.

I roll my eyes internally. "No, Kuchiki-san. I am not hard of hearing. In fact, I heard you perfectly fine. You know just as well as I do why you _do _need this medicine." There is an edge to my voice, a subtle warning, and I know he catches what I was referring to. The last time he was refusing medication brought about that long and deep episode. He looks away, that good ole disdainful frown forming at the corners of his mouth. I sigh.

"Kuchiki-san, for your own good, just take the medicine."

I walk over to him and stand next to his tall frame. His eyes that were focused out the window shift back slowly to me. I hold out the tiny plastic cup with two pills. He looks down at the cup, then at me again. Disdained frown still in place. He blinks but keeps his eyes closed for several seconds too long and I know he did that out of annoyance. I shrug my shoulders. He can be annoyed all he wants, but he is going to take these pills.

A barely audible sigh escapes his lips and he all but snatches the cup from me. He downs the meds without water. I take the cup from his hand and resist the urge to tell him to open wide. I watched him swallow the medication. No need to piss him off further.

He's still frowning down at me as I smile up at him brightly. "See? Now was that so hard Kuchiki-san?" Hehe. So much for not pissing him off further. I couldn't help myself.

His eyes darken a little more, his frown becoming a little more pronounced. I leave before he acts out on the unspoken threat that is visible in his eyes, stifling laughter all the way.

* * *

Me and Bya-kun's little spat lightened up my mood considerably. The rest of my morning rounds went by without hitch. Tatsuki was dead to the world when I stepped in. I left a dosage of her pain medication on her nightstand. Physical therapy has been leaving her sore most days.

I was quick when I visited Grimmjow. I could feel my face heating up more and more in his presence. Because I wanted to tell him. I always talk to him. I tell him almost everything that bothers me. I just didn't know where to start, didn't know what to say. Most of all I'm ashamed of myself for letting things get so out of hand yesterday, and really confused. I bolted when he asked me 'what the fuck is wrong' and 'why the hell you leaving so fast'.

Ikkaku and Yumi were as weird and normal as ever. Ikkaku and I danced, which did a fine job of getting my mind off of my visit with Grimmjow and his damned questions and that damned carrot top. When I went to Yumi-chan's room he gave me a lesson in beauty. Oddballs that they are, but they're really sweet guys.

I stayed as long as I could in Yumichika's room, listening to the reasons why my stubborn bang actually makes me look quite pretty and why pulling ones hair back in a tight ponytail tightens pores and leaves the skin clogged around the forehead. For all intents and purposes, I was stalling.

Thirty minutes have gone by while I sit and Yumi flutters around me, fussing over my hair and criticizing my bunny printed nurses uniform and asking why I never wear make up. Thirty minutes flew by while I vaguely tuned in to his words and dreaded my walk to Ichigo's room.

His hurt looking brown eyes flash through my mind over and over. Plaguing me. I don't want to walk in that room and see him looking like that. I don't want to see the questions, the feelings, the accusations, the pain swirling beneath the surface. I don't want to see it in those eyes that I've found so beautiful for so long.

I stand up abruptly and Yumichika stumbles back from me. "Where're you going? I wasn't finished." he pouts.

I turn and give him a small smile. "I can't play with you all day you know. I've got other people to check up on. I'll be back later." I wave a little then walk out the door.

I turn and I don't think those double doors have ever looked more foreboding. I brace myself and take a deep breath. I can do this. I'll be quick with him. He's normally fine and doesn't need anything when I go in anyway.

I walk as quickly as I can to room 241, not giving myself a chance to stop and falter.

* * *

Ichigo is laying in bed, one hand propped up behind his head while the other is draped across his stomach. He tensed up upon my entry but hasn't spoken or turned to look at me. I stand there for a full minute, hating the silence but not wanting to be the first to break it.

I look at his rigid body helplessly, wracking my brain for something to say. _Anything _to say. I want to comfort him and reassure him; to let him know that what happened yesterday… it wasn't his fault. And apologize if I made him uncomfortable. I want to go back in time and fix what I messed up those long hours ago, and beg him to act how he normally does around me. Start today all over again if at all possible. I want him to greet me at the door like he usually does, watch him give me that arrogant and cocky yet endearing smirk. Go back as far as two months ago; the night of his birthday. The night where I held his hand and he interlocked our fingers, lacing them together. The night where the lurching in my chest and the tightening in my stomach became most pronounced. The one where these wholly unwanted and inappropriate feelings first began to bubble up inside me and take a deeper form.

I can't… I can't keep letting some sixteen year old boy make me feel like this. I can't keep up this weird, and might I add wrong, infatuation. It's not right, it's affecting my work, ruining my evenings at home. And not only is it bothering me, but with my actions, they're affecting Ichigo in ways that I truly didn't want them to. He's got enough problems without me adding to them; me coming on to him then shoving him away. I desperately don't want him to think I'm playing with his emotions but with what happened yesterday, I'd be totally surprised if he thought otherwise.

And right now, because of it all, (the flirtatious looks, the hand holding, the face stroking, the damn near kisses stolen) even though I hate to do it, I'm going to pretend that yesterday didn't happen. I'm going to do my job and ask him if he needs anything. I'll take care of him in the ways a nurse is supposed to, and only those ways. And I _will_ ignore the intense look in his eyes that I know will be there when he looks over because, quite frankly, I don't know how else to fix this. I don't know what else to do. What _can _I do?

"Rukia"

I almost jump out of my skin when I hear him speak. I swallow nervously, lifting my head up slowly to look over at him. And there it is. The look. The _intense _look. The furrowed brows, the mouth set in a flat line, not tight lipped or grim; just flat, still attractive. The burning, no, blazing; the calculating or more like analyzing; the expressive but totally hard to read bright brown eyes that always have me simultaneously drowning and soaring. The same look that makes me lose my breath. The one that makes me forget what I was just thinking, feeling or doing. The one that always loosens my resolve and gives me that damned tight and full feeling in my chest. The one that, even though I just told myself that I would ignore, but try as I might I just _cannot_.

At first he had just turned his head, but now he's sitting up. Yet he looks closer somehow.. I glance down and realize that I must have involuntarily taken a step towards the bed in my Ichigo induced muddled state. More than one actually. I curse myself but I feel a wry smile tug at the corners of my mouth. Are we either ends of a magnet, pulled together by sheer attractive force? Because that's how I'm feeling. So much for speeches and petty pep talks to myself. Pretend that yesterday didn't happen? Ignore the all consuming looks that he gives me, one that he's giving me _right now_? Psh! Who was I kidding? Better yet…

What are you doing to me Ichigo?

He clears his throat and I look up from my feet. Once our eyes connect again the intense look melts from his face. Instead, he gives me a tentative smile and swings his legs around and out the bed. My heart warms at that smile he has on his face and the sweetness it has behind it, like he is genuinely and truly happy to see me. I've never had someone look at me like that. It only strengthens my need to distance myself from him because it's stirring contradicting emotions inside of me. Ones that I am not willing to delve into right now, or any other time for that matter.

"Hey" he says softly.

"Hey" I say even softer.

Ichigo's smile slowly fades away until he's just looking at me, seemingly struggling with something to say. He opens his mouth to speak, then falters before any words come out. I know how he feels, because that's how I've felt ever since I stepped foot in this room. He stops trying then looks down as he stands up. He takes a deep breath and looks up at me again. His eyes glow like minute suns.

"So… how was your night?"

Another wry smile forms on my face before I can even stop it. I think back to the few hours of troubled sleep I had. It really wasn't fine, but I tell him it was anyway. "And shouldn't I be asking _you_ that?" I add after a moment.

He gives me a sheepish look and scratches the back of his head distractedly. "I didn't sleep very well. At all, really."

"Seriously? Why not?" I ask curiously. Byakuya, Yumichika and Ikkaku all need sleep aids. I wondered if I'll have to bring some back for Ichigo later, since he said he didn't get any shut-eye.

I snap out of my train of thought to find Ichigo's smoldering amber eyes delving deeply into my own. "I didn't sleep" he says slowly. "Cause all I could think about was you." he finishes huskily. My breath catches at the look on his face, _directed at me_, and the sound of his voice.

I open my mouth to speak, to tell him to stop and shut up and stop being a damned idiot, but nothing comes out. I give him pleading eyes, begging him to stop these thoughts and this nonsense. He promptly ignores the look I give him, developing his own look of stubbornness. It's almost as if I hear him telling me that _I'm_ the one being an idiot, to just let what happens happen. 'Stop pushing me away' it says.

Ichigo reaches a hand out towards my face and my flushed cheek. I resist the urge to step back and flinch away from his touch. I grab a hold of his wrist before he can touch me fully, bringing down our hands. When I was just about to let go, he flips his wrist in my grasp and suddenly he is holding my hand softly in his. He laces our fingers together.

"Listen, Rukia. About yesterday… Y-you don't-"

"NO. It's fine." I say, quickly and loudly, cutting him off and trying to withdraw my hand from his gently at the same time. I knew he would try and bring it up. But what happened yesterday, it's just something that needs to stay back in yesterday.

He looks at me a little bewildered at my loud outburst. He's quiet for a minute, then opens his mouth to speak again. I quickly cut him off again and succeed this time in sliding my intertwined fingers from his. I immediately miss the warmth from his hand but banish the thought before it fully forms. I look at the ground as I speak to him.

"Ichigo. Yesterday, it was nothing. I didn't mean… I mean, like I said, it was nothing." I say, stumbling over my words. "Look, I'm going to have to leave in a minute. Do you need anything? Want me to bring you something to help you get some sleep?" I finish in a rush, looking up once I'm done talking.

His eyes seem to have become even more luminescent, if at all possible. His jaw is clenched and set, as well as his hands. He gives me a hard look, then turns his head to the side, not looking or speaking.

I reach a tentative hand out to touch his shoulder but stop short. I really didn't want it to be like this but somehow, in the back of my mind, I knew it would. I just wanted him to understand, to know that I'm sorry and that I never meant to cause him any type of distress or to hurt him in any way. I just don't know how to convey any of what I'm feeling to him without it coming out wrong or hurting him. I just want him to know that anything between us could never be…

I sigh and turn around, heading out the room.

"I'll be back later, alright?" I call out to him softly. He doesn't respond, doesn't even move.

I sigh again and close the door quietly behind me.

* * *

Out in the hallway I take a few deep breaths, wondering why I've got that full feeling in my throat and why my eyes are stinging, as if I'm about to cry. What the _hell _is wrong with me? I close my eyes for a minute, allow myself one quiet sob-like gasp then make a beeline for Grimm's room. I bust through the door without knocking.

Grimm bolts up in bed upon my entry and eyes me with a little annoyance. "Damn, aren't you supposed to knock?" he grumbles sleepily.

I stand there for a moment while Grimm struggles to wake up. "Sorry, but actually, no. It's just something I do out of respect and courtesy. We aren't required to knock before we come in." I reply tiredly, after making sure my voice won't sound too shaky. I head over towards his bed, dragging one of the armchairs along the way.

"Well why aren't you being respectful and courteous today?" he demands.

"I dunno." I respond in a distracted manner after situating myself. I'm sitting with the chair flush against his bed, legs criss-crossed in the seat and head propped up in one hand.

Grimm sits a foot away from me and regards me warily. He's been doing that a lot lately. Ever since I burst into tears in front of him. It's funny really, and I'd be laughing now if I weren't in such a shitty mood and feeling like I may start crying right now..

Neither one of us speaks for a while. The quietness is helping me calm down some, which is fantastic. I don't want to shed anymore tears in front of Grimm within a month of the last time.

Grimmjow just sits as I begin to twiddle my fingers nervously after a few more minutes, knowing that I either need to get out what I came to talk to him about or get up and leave. I can't spend my whole work day in here hiding away. I sigh deeply, catching Grimm's attention as I prepare to speak.

"Heh. It's funny right? I'm always coming in here to talk to you about what's new and shitty in my life, getting your advice, and your not even a therapist. I just… I need someone to talk to and you're one of the only people that I ever feel comfortable telling anything to. So, would you hear me out? I won't be long. And if you want me to just shut up and leave, I will. Either way, I just…well, I want you to know that you're the best girlfriend I never had and I really appreciate you."

Grimm nods his head and gives me the cocky 'yeah, I know I'm awesome but thanks for thinking so too' smirk when it drops from his face abruptly. "Wait a minute. _What? _Did you just call me your best girlfriend?" he asks me with incredulity written all over his face.

"Yes." I reply seriously and solemnly. I meant it.

"Tch." he scoffs. "I'll take it, I guess. But if you're in one of those moods and start bawling in that chair, I swear I will kick your ass out the door and all the way down the hall. You're not gonna start crying on me are you?" he asks me in a soft voice with a slight smirk returning to his face.

"No." I respond, half laughing, feeling the tears that were ready to spill over just minutes ago reside. Exactly why he's my best girlfriend. He normally knows what to say to turn my frown (or any other choice negative moods, feelings, emotions, facial expressions) upside down.

"Alright then. Good. So what's up?"

I hesitate for only a moment; it's now or never. "Well, you remember the last time, when I talked to you about Kurosaki?" He nods his head and I continue. "Uh, yeah. It's about him again…"

Grimm looks at me and his earlier playfulness slowly fades from his face. His face is carefully neutral as he nods his head for me to keep going. I take a deep breath and start again.

"Where to begin, where to begin?" I ask myself out loud. "Well, for starters, whenever Ichigo is near me, close enough for our skin or even clothing to touch, I get really flushed and hot. Yet at the same time, these simple and innocent brushes give me chills. It's the way he looks at me; the smiles and smirks, looks and glances. They all make me simultaneously weak, tighten the pit of my stomach and speed up my heart rate."

I stop and look at Grimm to gauge his reaction and marvel at how easily that came out. And how good it felt to get off my chest as well. His face is still neutral, yet thoughtful now. I continue.

"Yesterday Grimm, I did… I did something stupid though."

"Really? No!" he interrupts in a disbelieving voice, blue brows raised in mock shock. I scowl at him, ignore him and continue.

"I, well, I almost kissed him." I blurt out. Grimm's mock look of shock stays plastered on his face, but this time, I can tell it's real. "We were sitting side by side on his bed. One minute I was ruffling his hair, and the next we were leaning in to each other, with our lips centimeters apart. I almost kissed him Grimm. I stroked his cheek, traced his jaw line, brushed my fingers over his lips and almost kissed him. What a fool I am!" I moan and drop my head into my hands.

"You're not a fool midget." Grimmjow says in a motherly tone. I almost want to crack a smile. I nod my head in my hands while looking down, not believing him at all as I continue.

"When I went back to work today, I told myself I would forget about what happened yesterday and pray that Ichigo did as well."

"No such luck?" Grimm asks with a knowing half smile on his face.

"No such luck." I concede. "I stood inside his door for some minutes, trying to figure out what to say and telling myself not to bring up what happened. He beat me to it and got out of bed. Asked me how my night was and then… tried to bring up the almost kiss incident. I told him it was fine, it was nothing, and that I didn't mean for it to happen. He got upset with me and turned his head from me until I left." I finished simply.

I stay seated with my head resting in my hands still and my eyes closed. Retelling him what happened made my eyes burn and sting again. The lump in my throat is back. I'm not going to cry.

"I really care about the kid" I start up again after a minute of deep breathing exercises (they calm me) "But the only thing I seem to be capable of for the past two days is hurting him. And the sad thing is that I'm _trying_. I'm trying really hard to fix what I fucked up, yet everything just seemes to be going so wrong. I _hate _the look that he gave me before I left, and the fact that he wouldn't acknowledge me or speak to me when I asked him a question as I walked out."

I look up into Grimmjow's jewel blue eyes and he pierces me with that same thoughtful and considering look. He cocks his head and brings his hands together in front of his face, steepleing his fingers. He looks every bit of the psychologist that I probably need. He's so weird. I cock an eyebrow at his antics but listen to what he has to say.

"From what I gathered midget, it seems as though you're running, from _everything_. Listen, I understand why you're, uh, _wary_ and shit but you owe the bastard an explanation. You don't just almost molest someone and then see them the next day and say, 'my bad'! Tell him how you really feel, and if you have to and you really feel the need to, tell him that that shit has to stop and you can't have that type of relationship with a patient. I don't know. I don't care. Tell him whatever the fuck you want and however you feel, but stop avoiding the issue Though I think you'd be making a fucking mistake if you did tell him no. Live a little Kuchiki and let what happens happen. And when it's all over, you can say 'hey, it was fun while it lasted' ne? Go on, have your fun. Get some dick."

My blush was practically instantaneous and my mouth dropped open and stayed. "D-d-d-dick?" I sputtered. "I wasn't planning on sleeping with him you _IDIOT!_ EVER! Never!"

Grimm takes in my outburst quietly then bust out laughing. He laughs giddily and falls over in his mirth, sprawled across the bed and clutching his stomach in all his boisterousness and glee. His shirt rode up when he collapsed backwards in his giggle fit, exposing a slight expanse of lower abdominals. He's really a sight to see with the laughter shining in his eyes and the amusement clear on his face. I think about a time when looking at him in such a state and position would have given me scandalous dreams for a month. Right now I feel nothing but embarrassment and anger at what he just suggested I 'get' from Ichigo.

"Shut up! It wasn't that funny and it was stupid!" I yell at him as I cock back my fist and slam it into his gut. He promptly chokes on his laughter and curls up into a fetal position.

"Fuck. I… I can't breath." he gasps out around his dying laughter and the pain I inflicted on him.

I watch him roll around on his bed in mild satisfaction as I stew over his words. Let what happens happen? Tell him how I feel? _Should _I?

"Grimm, you make it sound so easy." I say woefully after a moment.

"Cause it is you dumbass." he wheezes as he props himself up on his elbows. "Just tell the bastard how you feel!" he yells

"But I barely even know myself!" I yell back

"Your skin gets really flushed and hot. You get chills. You get weak, the pit of your stomach tightens and your heart rate speeds up when you're near him. That's what he does to you. That's how you feel." Grimm explains to me in a softer voice.

I ponder his words and I suppose he's right. I try to see whether it will be a disaster if I _do_ tell him or if it would make matters worse between us if I don't. I just want to forget about it and have things go back to normal, or keep 'running from _everything_' as Grimm so eloquently put it. Shit. I don't know what to do.

I scowl down at my lap with different thoughts swirling around my head when I glance at my wrist watch.

"Shit Grimm. I got to go. I've been in here a freaking hour!" I say as I push the chair back from the bed and climb out.

I quickly move around the room to situate the chair back in its rightful spot. I feel Grimm's eyes on me the whole time.

"Oi, midget." he calls out as I was about to open the door.

"Yeah?" I look back at him.

"How come you don't get like that with _me_?" he asks with a playful gleam in his eyes.

I don't know whether he's serious or just toying with me. I don't detect a hint of jealousy so I guess he's just being his usual flirty self. I think back to a time when any smirk or smile from him would have had my breath catching, my heart racing, or my skin flushing. It doesn't happen now. It's not there anymore. He's still gorgeous and beautiful, but it's just not there.

"Cause you're my best girlfriend and it'd be weird, don't you think?" I ask in response to his question.

The playful look leaves his eyes and he gives me a nasty scowl. I smile at him and walk out the room.

* * *

I still haven't come to a general idea on what I want to do about this whole Ichigo thing, and I'm thinking I may not have to today. It's going on five and my shift will be over within the next ten minutes.

I'm putting the last of the information on Tatsuki's reports, which is what I've been working on since I left Grimm's room earlier. I haven't been upstairs since then. I asked Kiyone if she would cover my guys for me while I was busy. I missed lunch with Ichigo while I was pouring my heart out to Grimm and I'm almost thankful. I don't know how I would have explained to him about not being there, because I know I wouldn't have shown up. And I know he would have asked.

The small office I'm working in, right off of the medical records room, is cramped and stuffy. Every few minutes I find myself glancing at the wall clock to see if I can leave yet. I just want to go home.

"Kuuuchiiiiki-saaaan" comes Kiyone's singsong vice, floating from down the hall. I glance up to the clock for the hundredth time to see that it's five and I'm free to leave. I hurriedly pack up Tatsuki's files and walk them over to Iemura-sama's office. He doesn't even look up as I put away the files and head out the door.

When I get out of the office I'm just in time to see Kiyone rounding a corner thirty feet down the hall. I marvel at how I was able to hear her voice from such a distance as I wait for her to reach me.

"Hey there Kuchiki-san. I know this is going to suck, but Unohana-san asked me if I could ask you to stay a few hours extra. Apparently the woman that covers for you when you leave can't get here in time. She said she'd be here by seven-thirty though."

I look at her and fight to keep my anger from my face. "Please tell me you're joking." I deadpan.

"Uh, no Kuchiki-san, I'm not. Why? What's a matter?" Kiyone inquires.

"Nothing." I almost snarl. Perfect! Fucking perfect. Can this day get anymore tiring?

"Well alright." she says slowly, not missing the anger and intense annoyance radiating from my form. "If you're sure everything's ok… Oh, I know! Just think of the overtime you'll have on your next check!" she tries to brighten me up.

"Yeah." I say unenthusiastically.

"Oh, and Kuchiki-san?" Kiyone asks uncertainly. I turn to her and raise an eyebrow to show I'm listening. I feel bad for getting angry with her. It's not her fault I have to stay for another three damned hours. "It'll be dinner soon. Make sure you get them down there before six-thirty."

I nod my head. "Thanks Kotetsu-kun." I mutter.

She smiles at me and prances out the front door, leaving me behind to glare at the floor.

(...small page break...)

I went back to that stuffy office to work some more on Tatsuki's discharge reports. I found myself stopping to scowl at nothing every so often, just generally pissed at having to stay later than I should. And thinking about having to sit across from Ichigo as they eat, it puts my stomach in knots.

I look up at the clock for probably the thousandth time now and see that it's just turning six. I sigh and get up. It's dinner time.

* * *

"Hey Kuchiki-san! Ready for dinner?" I greet Byakuya brightly.

He raises an inky black eyebrow as if to ask why I'm still here. I shrug my shoulders vaguely, not really feeling like getting into that or else I'll get mad all over again.

"No" is his response to my question.

"Well I don't care. Lets go." I say as I jerk my head towards the door, telling him to follow me out.

Out in the hallway I hear the door to his room slam. I turn around and see that he actually did as I asked. Thanks Bya-kun, for not being a pain in my ass.

We walk across the hall to Tatsuki's room where I tell him to wait outside for me.

"Arisawa-san" I call out as I enter. I walk in to find her sitting in a chair, her good leg folded underneath her stump.

"Hey." she greets me. "What're you still doing here?"

"I had to stay a few hours late." I explain. "Time to eat. Ready to roll?" I ask her.

"Yeah. I'm fucking famished." she says. I can't help but chuckle. I think about my missed lunch and agree with her whole-heartedly.

Tatsuki follows me and Byakuya across the hall to Grimm's room slowly on her crutches. I knock on his door and enter after his drowsy sounding 'come in'. Tatsuki and Byakuya follow me in before I can tell them to wait outside for me. I turn back towards them to tell them to wait in the hall but then I shrug my shoulders. To late now.

"Come on Grimmjow. Time to eat." I yell out to his dozing and lounging form seated in the armchair. He jerks awake and looks over to me groggily.

"Oh. Hey midget." he says, giving me a sleepy smile as he stretches.

I smile back at him. "Hey yourself. Lets go." We all file out of Grimm's room and file over to the next.

Yumichika is happy to see us when I get him. After he greets me, he immediately prances over to Bya-kun and begins to flutter around him. Byakuya just seems to tolerate Yumichika, not really talking to him but not ignoring him either. Except when Yumi tried to pull Byakuya's long hair back in a ponytail. Byakuya sent him the death glare from hell. Yumi-chan instantaneously looks contrite. I stifle laugh at the two.

While I was watching those two, Tatsuki took it upon herself to get Ikkaku. He seemed delighted to see her with a pair of crutches under her arms. When she tried to move over towards me, he put a steadying hand on her back. Tatsuki pivoted on her good foot and smashed one of her crutches into his side. "Get off me!" she yelled at his doubled over body. "I can walk on my own!" I have to keep myself from laughing at them too.

I glance back at Grimmjow to see if he shared my entertainment at watching them. He wasn't even paying attention. Grimm is looking off down the hall towards the double doors. He pulls his eyes away and looks down at me and jerks his head in the direction room 241 is. My amusement at Yumichika and Byakuya, Tatsuki and Ikkaku withers away, replacing it with panicked butterflies in my stomach.

"Go get him Grimm." I say quietly enough for only him to hear as I push him in the direction of Ichigo's room.

"What? No. It's not my fucking job." he says with a glare at me and folded arms.

"Please Grimm. I-I can't. Please, just do this for me?" I ask him. I beg him with my eyes.

He shakes his head. "Still running, huh?" he asks with a disapproving look upon his face. I turn my head to the side, not wanting to admit that I am even though it's true.

I hear him sigh heavily. His fingers grab my chin and turn my head so that it's facing him. He gives me a dazzling smile. "Anything for you midget." he says with softened eyes.

"Thanks." I whisper as I lower my own eyes.

"Yeah, yeah." he says gruffly as he lets my face go. As he turns from me to fetch Ichigo he stopped and ruffled my hair roughly. I don't even have it in me to get mad at him, I just slap his arm away and give him a shove towards the double doors.

I watch as he unceremoniously busts through Ichigo's door and wish I would have told him to knock first.

"Oi." Grimmjow greets.

"Wha-What the hell? It's you again!" Ichigo splutters.

"Yeah, now lets go." Grimmjow says in a bored manner.

"No! Tell me what the hell you want!" Ichigo yells.

"You. Now lets go." Grimmjow says with more force this time.

It's quiet in there for several long seconds. "M-me?" Ichigo finally asks. His voice almost squeaks and there's suspicion in it.

Grimmjow sighs and it sounds like he palmed his face. "You a fairy or something? I don't swing that way!" Grimmjow all but growls. "I want you to come out the room so we can eat." he says slowly and haltingly to make sure Ichigo understands. Ichigo grumbles softly about not being stupid.

If I weren't so apprehensive about seeing him, I'd probably be laughing my ass off. Tatsuki is. She's doubled over her crutches and clutching her stomach as she guffaws at 'that dumbass strawberry's retardedness'.

Ichigo's door swings inward and both him and Grimmjow exit the room.

"But you know, not that I'd mind if _you _swung that way kid. I'm a non-judgmental person. People should be able to do whoever or whatever makes them happy, right?" Grimmjow asks with an arm thrown casually over Ichigo's shoulder.

"Uh, yeah." Ichigo agrees distractedly, looking flushed and embarrassed. Grimm nods his head in approval and slaps Ichigo hard on the back. Ichigo's body pitches forward from the force behind Grimms' blow and that's when our eyes meet.

His golden brown orbs gleam as they seem to search my own. His face still has that pink tint of embarrassment to it, making him just look so damned irresistible. And now I know for sure that I can't do this. I can't just forget about my job and let my feelings and emotions get in the way as I do whatever I please with him. It wouldn't be fair to me and it damn sure wouldn't be fair to him. And if I can, even though Grimm and I talked about it, I will continue to 'run' from him and not tell him how I feel as Grimm suggested I should. It's the only thing that feels safe to do at this point.

I pull my eyes away from him by sheer force of will as he slowly straightened his stooped body from when Grimm slapped him.

"Alright guys. Are you all ready?" I ask tiredly as I turn around and regard the rest of my assembled group. I hear a chorus of half-hearted 'yeahs' and one enthusiastic 'fuck yeah' from Ikkaku.

* * *

We begin the short journey down to the cafeteria with Ikkaku and Tatsuki moving at an incredibly fast pace ahead of me. I, myself, am walking next to Byakuya with Yumichika on his other side. I find a peculiar sense of comfort walking with Byakuya's familiar and stoic presence next to me. He keeps giving me little glances out from the corner of his eye. I wonder if he can't feel my distress at being so close to Ichigo, who brings up the rear along with Grimmjow.

They stay a good few feet behind the rest of us. Grimmjow keeps his arm around Ichigo's shoulders as he talks to him about random things. I _know_ he knows that I'm uncomfortable about having to be so near Ichigo and that's why he's nonverbally volunteered himself to distract the orange haired enigma. Thanks Grimm, I owe you one.

On the walk down, I wondered if my previously ravenous appetite would persist after the almost continuous assault of butterflies in my stomach. But once we reached the dinning hall and I smelt the freshly baked bread and saw all the leafy greens at the salad bar, my hunger came back with a vengeance. Finally! Something good comes out of this all around shitty day; the cafeteria has decent food. Then again, how can you mess up a salad and some bread?

We make our way over and I'm the first one in line. The first salad I see is loaded with cucumbers. I read the labeling beneath it and it says 'Cucumber Salad'. Holy shit! I almost die.

I pile my plate high with salad and grab three long breadsticks. I hear Grimm chuckle, he knows about my love for the vegetable. Ichigo asks him whats funny and I hear him respond, probably telling him how it's my favorite food. I tune them out after that.

I'm the first one at the table and immediately start digging in. Tatsuki is next at the table with Ikkaku hot on her tail with both of their plates. They take their usual places; Ikkaku next to me and Tatsuki on the end of the table. Byakuya is next, sitting at the other end of the table with Yumichika coming over and sitting beside me. Grimm and Ichigo come over together and sit in their usual spots also, a seat separating them.

We eat in silence. Everyone is enjoying their own choice of leafy greens and munching quietly. I don't have to try as hard as I thought I would to keep my eyes from glancing over at Ichigo. I feel him look at me several times but I just ignore it and keep on eating.

No one tries to engage anyone else in conversation so we end up finishing dinner quicker than I anticipated. Ikkaku and Tatsuki were the first ones done. They got up and left the table after they finished and this time Ikkaku grabs both of their garbage with him. They wait at the entrance for the rest of us.

Grimm makes a move to stand up and leave the table next. I catch his eyes before he gets to his feet fully. He gives me a lopsided half smirk and shakes his head. 'Didn't tell him did you?' he mouths to me. I look down away from his eyes and I know that that's answer enough for him. He sighs and reaches down to retrieve his plate.

"C'mon Kurosaki. Let's go." Grimm says to Ichigo. I look up quickly to catch his eyes one last time and give him a grateful look. He just rolls his eyes. He waits to the side so as not to leave me without taking Ichigo with him. I really owe Grimm one.

I look down the table to see that Yumichika has already left and it's just me and Byakuya still seated.

Ichigo takes his time gathering his plates and I mistakenly glance up to see what's taking him so long. It's the first time I've looked at him since we left the hallway upstairs. His orange brows are furrowed and he gives me an almost scowl.

"Rukia, I need to talk to you upstairs alright?" he asks me quietly, but I know Byakuya and Grimm heard him.

I look down and away from as I answer. "Alright, Kurosaki-san." I see him nod in my peripheral and walk off with my blueberry buddy trailing after him.

I sit there and ponder different ways that I can get out of talking to him, consciously knowing that I won't have a plausible excuse. After a minute I sigh loudly and stand. Movement catches my eye and I look over to Byakuya's slate grey eyes. I almost forgot he was there.

"Come on Kuchiki-san. They'll close the cafeteria soon." I say exhaustedly. He nods his head and stands up, picking up his plate and utensils. I wait for him off to the side of the table and look up when I don't hear him moving.

"Kuchiki Rukia, you're not yourself today." he says to me as his eyes look into mine inquisitively. I stand there, not knowing what to say for several long seconds until something dawns on me. This is probably as close Byakuya will ever get to letting me know that he noticed my restless and melancholic mood and cares enough to comment on it.

"I'm alright Kuchiki-san. Thanks for asking though." I say as I give him a genuine smile. He seems to bristle at my words.

"I didn't ask you anything." he says in his noble voice. I just nod my head distractedly, while trying to suppress my smile.

* * *

Back upstairs Tatsuki, Byakuya, Ikkaku and Yumichika all went to their rooms immediately. The only ones left in the hallway are me, Grimm, and Ichigo.

I stand in front of Grimm's door with him and silently ask him to save me.

I give Grimm pleading eyes, begging him to help me. Because I don't want to go in that room alone with Ichigo. Alone where he will interrogate me _again_ and where I will have to tell him that it was a mistake _again_ and that I didn't mean it _again_ and where I will consequently hurt him _again. _

He just gives me a 'what can I do' look and ruffles my hair before he turns and walks into his room, closing the door behind him.

I sigh softly to myself and turn around to see Ichigo leaning against the double doors. He gives me a look rivaling the intensity of a hundred suns. He closes his eyes for a brief moment then jerks his head back in the direction of his room, silently telling me to follow him. I nod my head meekly and walk up to him and follow him into his room.

* * *

**~Ichigo POV~**

Rukia comes in the room and closes the door behind her. I'm standing by the window and she hesitantly walks over towards me, stopping a foot and a half away from me.

She eyes me expectantly, waiting for me to speak. I give her what she wants. "Rukia, what the fuck is going on?" I ask her.

She gives me a wary look. "What're you talking about Ichigo?" she asks in a tired and helpless voice. Something about what she said and the panicked way she said it pisses me off and I start yelling.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about! What was that shit last night Rukia? Why did you do some shit like that to me and then come in the next day and pretend that nothing happened, that it didn't matter and that it didn't mean anything?"

She starts speaking and I almost didn't catch what she said. She was looking down and her eyes were oddly unfocused while she spoke softly to herself, or maybe to me. I wasn't sure. "I-I didn't mean for it to happen…it's not like its happened often or even before yesterday…I wont let it happen again…it wont-" And I know don't want to hear anymore bullshit.

"Fuck! Enough!" I bellow. And she jumps back to reality, snapping from her reverie/daydream/trance, whatever.

She looks at me for a split second before she bows her head and hides her eyes away from me again, speaking slightly rushed. "S-sorry Kurosaki-san. I don't know what came over me. It was a mistake. I didn't mean for anything to turn out this way." she says softly. I almost growl at the fact that she used my surname instead of my given one. She's trying to distance herself from me, and I'm not having it.

I see her face is flushed in embarrassment or self shame. I don't know, but I don't care either and plow on into what I was going to say.

"Doesn't matter! You keep saying this shit but your actions sure as hell don't add up. It's _confusing_ me Rukia! Don't you care? Stop fucking playing with me! Just stop!"

She looks up at me with those overwhelming violet sapphire orbs of hers and I almost want to take back what I said. I want to take back the fact that I yelled at her and made that look of deep hopelessness and pain mar her beautiful face. Kami, I want to. But I don't.

She opens her mouth and I expect to hear her call me every name in the book. Hell, I deserve it right? She opens and closes her mouth a couple times, like she's trying to say something, then quickly changes her mind. She stops and abruptly turns on her heel, walking quickly towards the door.

I catch up to her and grab her upper arm roughly and spin her body back to me as I crush my lips onto hers. Not kissing, just touching. She struggles against me, pushing her small fists into my chest and the arms I wrapped around her slight waist when I pulled her tiny perfect body to mine tighten. I shake my head minutely almost imperceptibly. "No, just….please…" I breathe into her lips, begging her to just let me hold her. My voice cracks with my unrestrained need for her, the need that I am not afraid to show. My lips barely move to form the words against her softer ones. She trembles in my arms and oh God, I can't take it anymore

I close my eyes and kiss her. Something inside me melts. Or did a fire in me ignite? Kami she just feels so _right_.

She trembles in m hold and i tighten my arms around her and press my lips against her harder. I move my mouth against her experimentally and am rewarded with another shudder from her. I take my time with the kiss, trying my damnedest and praying that I'm doing it all right. She slowly and hesitantly kisses me back. I fight back a moan at the feeling of her soft and rounded lips molding with mine.

I move one of my arms from around her waist and take a slow ascent up, following the small swell of her hip and the gentle curve of her waist. Gliding up, she whimpers into me as I graze the side of her soft breast. Mmmm, I clench my eyes closed at that light sound she _just _made and I think I'm in love. I pull her closer to me, possessively, as my free hand continues up; smoothing over her collarbone, skimming up her silky smooth and alabaster white neck.

Once my hand skipped over the side of her right breast, she really began to respond. She surged up to meet my lips and moved them expertly against my own. Her arms raised and wrapped around my neck, pulling me close. My arm around her waist tightened further, wanting to feel all of her, have her as close to me as possible. My hand on her neck slowly slides up the side of her face, fingers dancing along her cheek, resting then plunging into the baby fine raven hair at her temple.

We stay like that for as long as we dared. I held her small form against mine and gently rocked us from side to side, swaying on our feet. My hand continued to run through her soft midnight black tresses long after we broke apart from our kiss. My head is lowered and hers rest snuggly against my chest. I can feel her heart beat thundering against me as mine does the same. Her arms are wrapped tight around my middle.

This moment…it's the most whole and real, the most alive I've ever felt. I want it to last for as long s possible. Forever would be nice.

* * *

A/N:

Whew. That was a longwinded ass chapter. I'm sorry that it got so long and drawn out, but I just didn't feel right making it 2 chapters.

That aside, I am so effin glad I'm finished with this! My last upload was in March or April so yeah, took me some months to get this out. Some parts I had a blast writing and others just didn't seem to want to get written at all. I don't honestly like most parts of the chapter but hey, I tried…

Next chapter will be some good ole IchiRuki fluff and stuff. These last 3 had too much of an angsty/melancholic feel to them and I'm tired of it. Things'll definitely get more light-hearted next chapter for sure.

And also, I'm changing the rating because things're gonna get a lil hot, a lil lemony in the near future. Maybe not next chapter, but soon. Just a fair warning.

Anyways...comments, questions, concerns, flames, bashing? add it in a REVIEW please!  
Laterz!


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach.

In case you forgot...

GUIDE:

Hichi- kun = hollow Ichigo (voice number 1). _Text written like this is Hichigo talking._

Ossan = Zangetsu (voice number 2). _**Text written like this is Zangetsu talking. **_In this fic, Zangetsu will be referred to as ossan.

'Text written with these quotes is Ichigo talking to his inner voices.'

"Text written with these quotes is regular conversations."

Text written like this is regular POV to specified character.

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

Another sleepless night, just the same as the last, but for other reasons this time.

Flashes of mesmerizing russet brown eyes and the memory of Ichigo's searing kiss keep me up tonight. I find my hand frequently going up to touch the lips that he so boldly and passionately claimed as his the evening before. The sweetness behind his actions and the way he held me for so long after our lips parted has my breath catching even while I'm here alone in my room.

I lay in bed as the beginning rays of morning sun drift in my window, and I don't mind as my mind wanders to Ichigo for what must have been the hundredth time since we parted ways. Everything about him that has beckoned to me since the very beginning has been in my thoughts. His sweet smile, ridiculously attractive crooked smirk; enthralling, fierce and determined yet soft as butter brown eyes. He makes me weak. And inevitably, my thoughts go back again to yesterday evening, to his ardent kiss and soft touches, the_ taste _of him. They leave me fervently wishing that I was once again in his strong embrace and shivering in anticipation of seeing him today.

Oddly enough, I am nothing _but_ anticipatory about seeing him later on in the morning, instead of panic-stricken and dread-filled. Like I have been for weeks now. And hell, I know I had reason to be. But faced with him in the heat of passion again, and hearing him tell me how he thought of nothing but me all night… I know I wouldn't be able to deny him any more than I did yesterday. And I don't want to keep doing it. I'm tired of trying.

Heh. Grimm would be proud.

I sigh to myself and roll over, pulling a pillow into my arms and crushing it to my chest. I will myself to sleep for one more hour before I have to get up for the day. I drift off shortly after, with a smile on my face.

* * *

**~Ichigo POV~**

Fuck sleep. I don't need it anyway.

_Heh, whatever King. You're just wired from your make-out session, even though it was a goddamn half a day ago._

I smirk. 'Damn straight'

_Fucking pansy ass. Grow some nuts and stop acting like a female!_

I roll my eyes and ignore him as his doubled-over babbling voice slowly recedes from my consciousness. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to admit that I have stayed up for the better part of _two _nights now, with only one thing on my mind. Hichi-kun's been calling me a punk and a pussy and a bitch and all other kinds of shit because I keep emitting all my 'homo-ass thoughts' onto him and ossan. Whatever. I know ossan isn't upset over it. And for the first time in a long time, I'm happy. Completely and utterly happy. Actually, I'm fucking thrilled.

I thought for sure that Rukia was going to beat the hell out of me when I kissed her. She fought me for a moment while I fought with myself internally on whether or not I should just let her go. But then something in me took over as she started to tremble in my arms, and I realized that I didn't want to give up.

And _damn _am I ever glad I didn't. The softness of her body in my hold, the subtle but definitely there curves, and the way she tasted - like all the cucumbers she scarfed down minutes before at dinner- and something much headier and sweeter. Man, everything about her and that moment had me so hot, and I'm getting myself heated all over again just thinking of it.

But instead of staying focused on the nicer, better aspects of yesterday, my mind continuously wants to wander to the earlier part again. How Rukia evaded looking me in the eyes when we were together, how she cut me off _twice_ when I tried to talk to her about what happened the day before. The way she looked like she was ready to bolt from just being near me; how she kept saying that that almost kiss was absolutely nothing, a mistake… I hate to admit it, but that shit, it really hurt. And what I thought was a happiness that I'd feel all day dies down somewhat.

Every time I think back to how she was literally flipping the fuck out on me all day yesterday brings on a small, yet incessant wave of anger. Why did she keep insisting that it was all just 'nothing' a 'mistake' and something she 'didn't mean to happen'? It pisses me off!

And something else that's been bothering me… that blue haired guy, Grimmjow. Yesterday at dinner the guy kept taking quick and furtive glances at me and Rukia. I don't know what the hell that was about but it got under my skin a lot. And it's not only that; I don't know whether it was my imagination or not, but it felt like he was literally trying to keep me away from her. On the walk downstairs I was going to try and talk to her then, but Grimmjow threw a casual yet strong arm around my shoulders and had me walking next to _him _the whole time. And when we were leaving he all but demanded me to follow him, and waited around while I got my stuff to make sure I did. Screwing with my plans again; I was going to wait till _she_ was done and leave with _her._

That guy, he really pissed me off with that shit. It felt as if he knew or could feel what was going on between me and Rukia. I didn't like it, and I feel my face scrunch up in a scowl as I think about it. But what I didn't like even more were the silent words they were sharing. While he was getting up from his seat he mouthed something to her that I couldn't see, something that had her looking down and guilty. And when he told me to get up with him, they shared a few more meaningful looks. Looks that have been on my mind, annoying me on and off all night.

But it's not the first time I've noticed them being overly friendly. Now that I think about it, I'd been noticing them being like that pretty damn often.

As I stew over the hidden meaning of those looks, there's a knock on my door. I don't bother getting up. It's only seven-thirty and I know it's that older woman to try and get me for breakfast. After a moment, the door opens.

"Kurosaki-san? Ready for breakfast?" she asks in her shaky voice.

I don't say anything. She asks me this every effin morning, knowing I never eat breakfast outside of my room. Her persistence can be annoying but I have to admire it. She reminds me of Rukia in that aspect. None of us ever eat dinner together; only when she's working late do we go to the cafeteria as a group.

For some reason, the look Rukia and Grimmjow shared at dinner while I was picking up my plates flashes through my minds eye out of nowhere. The intimacy and the closeness of that one shared look has the wheels in my head turning and a light-bulb flickers on in my mind/ I think I've got the beginnings of a brilliant plan. Before I even give it much more thought, I'm calling the woman walking out of my room back again.

"Obasan" She stops just inside the door and turns back to me with a wary little smile. She's always been uncomfortable around me.

"What is it, Kurosaki-san?"

"I think I'll eat downstairs today."

"Oh… okay. Are you ready now?" she asks me.

"Yeah, just a sec." I reply as I throw the covers off me. I kind of fall out of bed from lack of energy but manage to keep my footing.

"Kurosaki-san, are you alright?" the woman asks me worriedly after I almost crashed to the floor. I turn my head as I bend over to grab a pair of house-shoes and flash her what feels like a tired and welted yet reassuring smile.

"Sure, I'm cool." I quickly reach over to my chair and pluck a loose fitting hoodie off it and head out the door.

As soon as we got out into the hall, she began leading the way to the cafeteria. I follow her for a short bit, then stop in front of room 237, which I believe to be hisroom.

"Oi, obasan." I call out to the older woman that didn't realize I had stopped and is still slowly making her way down the hall. She turns to look at me and is surprised to see me not behind her. She ambles her way back to me and lifts and inquiring eyebrow.

"I was wondering, could you go in and get this guy?" I ask her and jerk a thumb in the direction of what I'm guessing is Grimmjow's door.

She smiles at me and gives me a motherly pat on my arm with a doubtful look. "You want to eat with your little friend?" I roll my eyes at her choice of words but nod nonetheless. "I can try and get him, but I don't know Kurosaki-san. I tried earlier before I got you, but he just told me to leave." she says with a shake of her head. She looks up at me and leans in close to whisper. "Every morning he's so cranky and rude. And he doesn't know how to not use a profane word to save his life." she adds quietly.

"Tell me about it." I say knowingly while holding back a smirk and a snicker.

She shakes her head again and knocks on his door. We get no answer. After about 10 seconds, she opens the door and calls out to him. I hear a long, suffering sigh and his muffled voice float out from inside the room.

"The fuck do you want? I already told you no and to go away." Grimmjow says in a drowsy and hushed sounding voice.

"Jaegerjaques-san, language!" she scolds him mildly. I hear him sigh again.

"For fucks sake." he mutters a little quieter, but she heard him still. She bristles at his continuous use of coarse dialect and starts to reprimand him again when I poke my head around her body and peer into the room.

"Oi, Grimmjow. Get the f-. I mean, uh… get up!" I yell at his still dozing form and force myself not to use my own vulgar language, for obasan of course.

I see he lifts his blue head from where it is currently buried in his pillow, face down. He looks over towards the door with sleepy, unseeing eyes. "Kurosaki, s'that you?"

"Yeah. C'mon. We're going to breakfast."

"We are?" he asks in morning muddled surprise.

I hold back my own exasperated sigh. "Yeah. Hurry up so we can get going."

I see his blankets shift around and see most of his body pop into view. I pull my head out the room to wait when I hear more rustling of the sheets and a quiet 'boom' come from inside, followed by some pained cursing. I step aside as obasan makes her way in to see what the loud noise was and I wonder if he didn't fall out the bed like I almost did.

"It was nothing." Grimmjow growls defensively before she can even open her mouth to ask if he's okay. "And hold your damn horses, you old bat." he adds rudely.

My eyes widen in shock at his complete disrespect and I have to check myself before I bust out laughing at him. The old woman comes out red faced and muttering about 'how disrespectful kids are these days' and 'how foul mouthed todays youth are becoming'.

Grimmjow walks out a second later, scowling at her back. "I'm twenty-five. I ain't no damn kid or youth." he yells to her retreating back.

We both fall into place behind obasan and make the small trek down to the cafeteria. Grimmjow glanced over at me a few times already and I know he's going to ask me why I dragged him along with me to eat this morning. I'm surprised he hasn't already. Surprised he came at all, really.

"Sooo. Is there any particular reason why my ass is walking down to get some food that could have just as easily been brought to me?" he asks as he looks over to me again.

I keep my eyes focused on the old woman in front of us as I answer. "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about some stuff."

He scowls at me. "About…" he prompts. I scowl back.

"Wait." I tell him and look forward again, ignoring his annoyed sigh.

We get down to the cafeteria and I am immensely glad that I got up this morning. Breakfast looks ten fucking times better than dinner ever has. And there's so much more to choose from than what I'm usually brought. I pile my plate full of everything and Grimmjow must have had a similar idea. We walk over to a table in the back of the semi-crowded room. Obasan followed us over and put a hand on my shoulder once we sat down.

"I'll be right over there, okay?" she tells me as she points off to some direction close by. I didn't even bother to look up as I opened my mouth to answer her when Grimmjow beats me to it.

"Yeah, yeah. We're fine. You can go." he answers for me rudely, without looking up either. I take a second to glance up at her before she leaves. She frowns down at Grimmjow's head disapprovingly before she walks off.

I look back to my plate and start eating again. "Why do you keep fucking with her?" I ask around mouthfuls. He just snorts.

"Cause I ain't got shit else to do." he says. I shake my head at his stupid answer yet have to refrain from laughing and continue eating.

After we're more than half way done Grimmjow looks up at me and wipes his face with a napkin. "You gonna tell me what you wanted to talk about?" he asks as he sets down the used tissue.

I look up at him and eat one more bite of food before I put down my utensil. My eyes unconsciously slide to the side as I start to open my mouth. As angry as I was earlier, I feel awkward talking to him about her now, but I take the plunge and speak around my discomfort.

"You're close with her, aren't you? With Rukia, I mean." I ask him slowly without looking away from him. He raises an eyebrow at my question in mild surprise as he leans back in his chair and crosses his hands behind his head. I watch and feel a surge of annoyance build up within me as a slow and what looks like a suggestive smirks grows across his face.

"Yeah, we're close. Real, close." he says in a low voice and an off-color manner. I feel my face heat up and open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off. The lewd looking smirk drops from his face after a moment and is replaced with amusement.

"I'm just fuckin' with you." he laughs. "We're close but it's nothing, you know, like _that. _Why in the hell are you asking anyway?"

I feel my face gradually cool off but a frown stays plastered to my features. I pick up my fork again and fiddle around with the rest of my food, not looking at him as I speak.

"I was just… curious. She seemed, uh, friendly with you." I say lamely after a moment of silence. I look up after another moment to see Grimmjow giving me a 'what-the-fuck' expression.

"Okay…?"

I feel another hot blush cross my face, and this time it's not from anger, while he looks at me like I'm some sort of weird creeper. I want to abort this half-assed and half thought-out mission to sneakily get him to tell me why Rukia kept putting me off yesterday (since I came to the conclusion that he's gotta know something), because it's all just going wrong. But as stupid as I feel, my mouth is opening again to ask another dumbass question before I can even stop it.

"Yesterday, well… she seemed kinda upset and shit and I was just uh, wondering if you knew why…" I ask and trail off. He's still giving me that 'you-weird-little-creeper-fuck' look and I add quickly, "I was worried about her". You know, for effect.

"I might know why." he says to me ambiguously. I suck in a breath and hold it for a few seconds, to keep from throwing a fist at this guys face out of annoyance. I push the urge aside for the time being. Out of frustration, a string of more questions spill from my mouth.

"Was it just a bad day? Someone piss her off? Was she upset about something that happened here?" I ask the last softer than I wanted, trying to come up with my own answers and hoping he'll at least let me know if one was right.

Grimmjow leans forward in his seat so that his elbows are propped up on the table. He gives me a semi-serious look with a raised eyebrow. "Again, Kurosaki. Why do you want to know?"

I can't help the scowl that comes across my face, along with the heat that pools beneath my skin. I feel my face flush again and this time it's because of a mixture of both anger _and_ embarrassment. I sputter for a few seconds before I finally say, "Because I just fucking do!" loudly. I quickly realize I was _too_ loud and let my anger get the better of me when I see a few people near us turn head and stare at me. I unleash the power of my glare onto them and they quickly turn back to their tables. Satisfied, I look back to the blue haired asshole and don't like what I see.

I'm not the brightest person ever, but I have the sneaking suspicion that Grimmjow is onto me now. That raised eyebrow and the very, very subtle upturn to his mouth and the almost knowing look in his eyes… it's making me a little nervous and more than a little pissed at the same time. He doesn't look the least bit ruffled over my outburst, just sits there looking all-knowing and shit. My fingers are itching to reach over and throttle the hell out of him, but I don't. I take a few calming breaths and sigh as I run an anxious hand through my hair.

"Enough with this shit. Look, I like Rukia. I like her, and I like her a lot. I don't know how much you know or what she tells you or even how well you really know her, but the day before yesterday… she.. we, uh. Well it's not important what happened. We got closer. But then she kind of started pushing me away. All day yesterday she never listened to what I had to say to her, kept cutting me off and saying shit didn't matter and more shit. I just - I wanna know that she's not gonna do that to me again, cause yesterday before she left we, uh, we came to an understanding. But if she's gonna come in here and turn tail on me again, I… don't think I'll be able to handle it. It bothered the living fuck out of me when she was doing that shit yesterday."

There's silence for a while after I said that. I figured there would be. I also figured it'd wipe that knowing, shit-eating grin from his face. Goddamn glad it did too. I settle back in my seat and don't look up again until I hear Grimmjow speak. "Uh, wow kid. I wasn't expecting you to just come out and be all blunt like that and shit." He has an unreadable expression on his face as he reaches back and scratches the back of his head distractedly. "Listen, I know it's frustrating but I can't tell you what Rukia will and won't do. And I won't be telling you what her and I talk about. We got girl codes to live by and shit." I raise an inquiring eyebrow at that last bit but he doesn't elaborate.

"But I will tell you that Rukia means well in everything she does. Rukia, she won't - well, she's a good girl. I know what you're thinking or have already thought, and she's not intentionally screwing with you. She just doesn't want, uh, well, she's just being careful. Besides, you've gotta know why she's not grabbing you by the balls and going head first into this whatever you've got going on."

I take the time to ponder what he said. I ponder for a while but I don't seem to be catching. I turn my attention back to Grimmjow and give him a blank look. He looks at my blank face and his changes with his growing disbelief.

"You've got to be shitting me." he says tiredly.

"I shit you not. What am I supposed to know?" I ask. Grimmjow's look of disbelief is still plastered to his face as he responds.

"Seriously? God you're fucking slow!" he says exasperatedly. "She's being careful because you're her _patient._ There'd be hell for her if someone caught wind of her having an inappropriate relationship with you. Not to mention a patient who is a _minor _while she's considered an adult; even though to me, that last part is stupid bullshit and really not that much to worry over. I told her earlier that I'd do a fifteen year old. Who the fuck-"

I unintentionally block out the rest of what he's rambling on about. I lower my eyes to the table, crestfallen. Honestly, I never thought about how our budding relationship could affect Rukia. Too busy and caught up in what I wanted and needed yesterday, I never thought much on _why _Rukia kept pushing me away, seemingly not giving me a chance. I just thought she was being difficult or as Grimmjow put it in not such nice words, fickle. He's right though. He's _totally _right. No matter which way you look at it, she'd be fucked. It wouldn't end well for her in any scenario, if someone found out.

I swallow deeply and really feel like a true asshole for what I'm about to say. It's so selfish that I hardly recognize myself. But honestly, I_ need _her. Or else I'll fall into that old pattern of depression, just utter loneliness, and right now, I don't think I could stomach that feeling again.

_No, you probably can't King. Actually, I _know _you can't handle that again. But maybe I shouldn't be telling you this.. Cause I know how you'll react if put in that situation again, and it will make it that much easier for me to become you. That much easier to get closer and closer to you. Before you know it, I will have swallowed you up and you'll be history. Going, going, going, _gone!_ Hahahaha!_

I resist the urge to cover my ears and cower. Hichi-kun's doubled over voice, laughing strangely high-pitched and menacing at the same time, has my head spinning and stomach churning. I tried not to show my flinch, but I know I failed terribly. His laugh, echoing further and further away in my head, makes my hands wet and clammy with nerves.

When I look up, Grimmjow is studying me curiously. He must have noticed the change in my demeanor, seen the flinch I tried to hide. His look is silently asking me if there's something wrong with me. The same 'what the fuck' look he gave me earlier, only this time laced with wariness. Reminding me of the looks my classmates used to give me when I'd slip u and talk to 'no one at all'. I look away from him and shake my head without speaking. Telling him it was nothing, don't worry about it and that I don't want to talk about it.

I take a ten second chill and recover from Hichi-kun's onslaught quickly enough. I look up again and catch Grimmjow's eye. I flash him a crooked and wilted half smirk before I speak. "Well we'll just have to be sneaky, I guess." I say, hating myself for not putting her before me; thinking of nothing but what _I_ need, but doing it nonetheless.

Grimmjow snorts and shakes his head, looking amused and almost disgusted at the same time. No doubt because of what I said, the implications that it silently gives, and the potential trouble it could bring about for Rukia. Just so long as I'm happy. Just so long as _I'm _not miserable anymore. Pathetic.

_Not pathetic; smart move King. _Hichi-kun says to me, sounding pleased. It makes me sick.

"Well kid," Grimmjow sighs as he puts his hands on his knees to stand. Once he gets to his feet he shakes his head. "All I can say is, don't fuck it up. From what I can tell, it looks like she's decided what she wants to do anyway." He reaches down to grab his plates and fixes me with the hardest look I've ever received when he's fully standing again.

"I got nothing against you Kurosaki; you seem like an alright guy. But you make her regret being with you more than she already does, I'll make sure you regret she ever looked at you that way." he says in a low and dangerous tone. He looks me over again and lifts an eyebrow. "Got it?"

I choke down the lump of self disgust lodged in my throat and stand to my feet as I a slow and simmering anger consumes me. I'm painfully aware that he is a good four or five inches taller than me and straighten myself out to my fullest height. I fix him with my own intense and challenging stare. "Fair enough, Grimmjow. But your shitty threat is worthless." I say as I lean in from across the table. He leans in a few inches as well, not backing down. "Rukia won't regret a thing." I say. "At least not because of me." I finish in that same low and dangerous tone he set.

His eyes narrow just a little further than they already were for several more seconds, until he leans back. The testosterone filled air thins somewhat as a small smirk spreads across his face. I almost reel back, startled from his abrupt change in carriage. He leans across the table at an awkward angle to slap me roughly on the back with his free hand. I have to brace myself to keep from stumbling from the force.

"Just so you know, Kurosaki. I don't want to have to fuck you up." he says. He looks from my eyes and shakes his head once more. "I really don't." He leaves me and walks off in the direction obasan is in. He puts his plates down at the drop-off counter and starts harassing the poor old woman. I reach down to gather my own trash and can't help the slight scoff that comes to my mouth. As I walk towards the red faced obasan and the arrogant looking Grimmjow, I can't help the slight smile that grows there either.

* * *

Back in my room, I sigh at how breakfast went. I hadn't intended to tell Grimmjow how I feel about Rukia. Even though I gave him a very vague, watered down and non-descript version of how the past couple days have went, I don't feel right about doing it.

I _am_ surprised though, to admit to myself that I thought Grimmjow seemed to be a pretty alright guy. Aside from the apparent protectiveness over Rukia, I think I could grow to like him. I went into breakfast intending to battle it out with him and try to subtly force him to tell me some stuff, _any _stuff, about Rukia, but I didn't have to. He wasn't such the asshole as I'd originally thought. He comes across as a rather down to earth person. The type of guy I could see myself being cool with. Maybe grow to hold some sort of semblance of a friendship. It's something I think I'd like. I think it'd be nice. I don't have many, no, any close friends. Except for one; her…

I sigh again and close my eyes off from the harsh morning sun. My bed feels uncomfortably hard underneath me as I sit cross-legged on it and face the window. The gray asphalt of the parking lot outside the open shades reflects the early sun, bright and warming heat behind my closed eyes, making me see a light shade of red on the insides of my eyelids.

I sit like this in the mornings often. For some reason it's always been the hardest time for me to suppress the voices. When I sit like this, I'm calmer and I don't so much care as I let Hichi-kun free and he bombards me with needless comments and stupid questions. So on bright and sunny mornings, I sit like this. Calmed and chill. It makes it that much easier to deal with the onslaught. That much easier…

Because Hichi-kun's not being easy on _me_. Every few minutes it's this or that about Rukia. Commenting on how she's willingly put her job and shit in jeopardy for me, 'for _you,_ King' he says. How it's awesome that she wasn't pushing me away, '_you _away, King' he reminds. How, despite my issues, she still seems to care about me, 'about _you,_ King' he emphasizes.

Ever since breakfast and Grimmjow's insight on Rukia's reasons for her actions yesterday, he seems to be, well… so fond of her. It's funny really. Because earlier, a few days ago, he'd be making little comments and jokes and jabs about her; saying what he'd like to do with her and how if he took over he would have been _done _those things. Generally making me uncomfortable in more ways than one. But now… it's as if he has nothing but the utmost respect for her. And it makes sense; I can understand.

From as early as I can remember, I haven't had people to go out of their way for me. Especially when they find that I'm 'troubled' and have 'problems'. But no, not Rukia. Granted, she gets paid to deal with me, but she could be like every other nurse I've ever had. She could come in here, drop off my meds and be on her merry fucking way, yet she doesn't. She takes the time to talk to me and really get to know me. She doesn't treat me like some on-the-edge mental patient. She's not scared of me. I'm comfortable with her, I can open up to her and she'll _listen._ And on top of it all, she cares about me, has feelings for me, might just get into some deep shit if someone finds out that she's _acted_ on these feelings. I can feel Hichi-kun's growing partiality for her, and part of me is uncomfortable with that.

Hichi-kun's new found fondness and approval of Rukia does not make me happy. I know it shouldn't bother me so, but it just does. It's the circumstances behind that new keenness that has my thoughts stirring up something unpleasant.

_King, you better not be about to start fucking moping. _

My closed eyes snap open. 'Nah, I'm just… thinking.'

_About something that's upsetting you, _he says knowingly._ Stop it._

'Tch. I can't stop myself from thinking. That's like asking you to stop being annoying.'

He scoffs like I just did. _Whatever. Annoying my ass… I'll show you annoy-_

His angered grumbling, normally amusing, isn't enough to keep my thoughts from straying.

'Hey, Hichi. You think I'm… being selfish?' I finally ask after being silent for several minutes.

He's quiet for so long that I thought he wouldn't answer. _I knew it.__You'll never be happy, will ya? _he sighs, finally, already knowing what I must be referring to._ You wanted Rukia, and now that that blue-haired fuck pretty much said you've got her, you're still not happy. What's with you?_

I sigh too. 'It's not that I'm not happy. I just feel like she could be putting a lot on the line for… me.'

_And…. ? So what? It's her damn decision! If she doesn't care, why the hell should you?_

'You heard Grimmjow. She was being careful cause she _knows _it's not right and she'd be screwed six ways to Sunday if it got out.'

_Like I said, her decision. _

'But I didn't give her much of a chance to decide, what with me acting the way I was yesterday… and kissing her like that.'

_Hey man, she didn't _have _to kiss you back. She didn't _have _to let you hold her the way you did after. I think it's safe to say she pretty much decided, and it's looking damn good in your favor._

I smile at his words; he's right, she _didn't_ have to. But I don't feel comforted by that fact, not at all… 'I damn near forced her -'

_No, you did _not.

'If this gets out-'

_It won't._

'It's still not right of me-'

_Who gives a shit? You're worried about her getting in trouble; well obviously she isn't. Besides, what'd you just tell Blue Hair? You'll just have to be sneaky, won't you King?_

My own words come back to slap me in the face and I feel just as selfish and disgusting as before. As much as it bothers me, I force the thoughts out of my head. Because as guilty as I feel, I know I will do everything in my power to keep her, this, _us. _She's important to me. The only thing important to me right now. As sickened with myself as I feel, knowing that Rukia being caught could potentially ruin the rest of her life in more than one ways is not enough for me to step back. I know I won't let her go without a fight.

Vaguely, I wonder if all my worrying was for nothing. What if what I was freaking out over earlier ends up being the case. What if she hits me with another one of those wild curve balls like she did me yesterday, and the day before. What if she comes in here and tells me that it was another mistake, that she didn't mean it again, that it was nothing.. again. She could have decided on her own that it actually was too much to risk. That I'm not worth her job or her future. I'm not stupid enough to think that I am. I just hope that she thinks otherwise. But going back to that kiss and those touches, I don't think I have anything to worry about; there at least.

Pulling from my thoughts, I realize Hichi-kun is still blabbering away, trying to get me to see his reasoning, telling me to shut the fuck up with my loud ass feelings and emotions bombarding him (how the hell can I do that?). Finally, after trying my hardest to block out his freaky voice and goddamned irritating rambling, I succeed. Sighing out loud, I let myself fall onto my back. My eyes catch a glimpse of the big white and black wall clock on the way down. 8:45. Another fifteen or so minutes and Rukia'll be here.

I fold my arms behind my head and lay on top of the sheets, waiting. I keep telling myself that my reasons aren't wholly self-interested as I anticipate her arrival.

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

I just left Grimmjow's room. He was oddly quiet and observant today. For the most part, it was just me talking. He'd listen to me with mild attention, nodding here and there, saying the occasional yeah when appropriate. When I asked him what's wrong he just said it was nothing, with a ghost of a smile flitting over his features briefly.

I didn't tell him about what happened with me and Ichigo yesterday evening. In fact, I never brought him up at all. I expected Grimm to do me the honors, but he didn't. He did tell me he went to breakfast this morning with someone though. I smiled at him and was about to say I was glad he was getting out of this cramped room more when I realized he said he went _with _someone. When I asked him who he just gave me a smirk and a wouldn't-you-like-to-know look. I left his room shortly after, wondering what he was being so damn mystifying about.

I was quick with everyone else. Byakuya and Tatsuki were their usual selves. Irritable and short-tempered with me, as always. Ikkaku and Yumichika were both asleep when I stepped into their rooms. In and out of each room in about four minutes. I was happy. I was going to get to see Ichigo all the more faster.

And damned fast indeed. Before I know it, I'm standing on the inside of those double doors, Ichigo's room less than two feet from me. My heart picks up speed and my palms become clammy. Anticipation and nerves has my blood pumping in my veins at a faster than average pace.

Last night after I'd gone to bed, I laid there for a while. I stared at the ceiling as my mind assaulted me with the strong and lingering feeling and sensation of Ichigo's kiss. As I laid there and debated with myself on whether it was bad of me to kiss him back or not, I realized something. I don't care anymore.

I want Ichigo. And dammit, I don't care that he's a few years younger than me. I don't care that this, in no way, shape or form, would be a normal relationship. And I don't care that he's my patient either. I'll just have to be sneaky. We'll just have to make do. The goods of that one kiss far out-weighed the possible bads of this whole _situation _by _so much_ that I felt stupid for even thinking about it further.

So I stopped fretting. I stopped worrying; pretty much just stoppedthinking. A wise blue haired man once told me to 'let what happens happen' to 'worry about shit later' and to 'have fun while it lasts'. For some reason, I don't like the idea of doing that last tidbit of guidance. The 'while it lasts' part doesn't really sit well with me. But for the other stuff, I think he was spot on. Involuntarily, a smile comes to my face. I think I'm ready to take Grimm's advice on this one.

I take a deep breath and walk those last two feet to Ichigo's room. I lift my hand to knock. My fingers barely have time to graze the surface of the hard oak door before it swings inward. I see a glimpse of orange before I stumble forward, balance thrown off by the door disappearing before I fully got to knock. I brace myself to crash into the floor when strong hands grab a hold of my upper arms and pull me inside, slamming the door closed behind me as well.

Everything happened so quickly. My breath comes out slightly heavy from my scare of almost tumbling into the ground and the large strong and tanned hands that still have a firm yet soft grip on my upper arms. My breathing calms as I slowly get my bearings.

Ichigo's hands slowly slide down my arms, making me feel like sparks and fireworks and fucking lightening will start shooting from my fingertips. He grips my elbows and I want to look up but don't. I've got butterflies ready to burst free of my stomach. I feel so nervous; I almost feel sick. Goddamn! What the hell age am I again? Oh yeah, a twenty year old trapped with the mind of a fourteen year old dealing with her first crush.

Ichigo gives me another fifteen seconds to look up, but I never do. He gives my body a little shake from his still strong hold on my elbows. I was about to acknowledge him as soon as those butterflies stopped their frenzied flapping (honest!), when he sighs loudly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

I forget all about my school girl shyness and look up to see Ichigo's eyes closed and an annoyed scowl plastered to his face. His hands drop from my arms and he sighs irritably again.

My head cocks to the side questioningly but he's not looking at me. I open my mouth to speak at the same time as he turns his head to the side and opens his eyes; never once looking at me. He clears his throat and speaks lowly and bitterly.

"You're gonna start acting weird around me again, aren't you?"

I'm taken aback, confused for all of three seconds before I understand. That understanding brings a hard lump in my throat and a guilty stinging to my eyes. I start to tell him it's not like that, that I'm done worrying about stupid consequences, that I don't care anymore about that shit, that I'm… ready. But he doesn't give me a chance before he's cutting me off.

"Let me guess. Yesterday didn't happen, right?"

A quiet 'no' escapes my lips as I reach up and tug on his tee-shirt to get him to look at me. He doesn't seem to notice.

"Was it another mistake?" he asks tightly.

I call his name softly as I tug more insistently on his shirt. He doesn't hear me or see me still.

"That shit last night didn't mean anything either, huh Rukia?"

The lump in my throat is threatening to dissolve into a hot and salty wetness that will pour from my eyes. Not even thinking anymore, I hear myself shout a 'yes it did!' vaguely before I grab him by the back of his neck and pull him down to meet my lips.

As our lips met I got to see his beautiful brown eyes open wide with shock before my own eyelids slid shut as I melted into the feel of his body so near mine.

Ichigo was unresponsive for a full thirty seconds and I dimly wondered if he didn't want me anymore, if I really just fucked our friendship and relationship all to hell. I closed my eyes tighter and leaned into his body, pressing my lips harder to his and parting them slightly. I reached my free hand, the one not glued to his neck, up and placed it softly on his cheek. He shuddered against me lightly as he finally leaned into my body and added his own pressure to our touching lips. The hand I placed on his cheek moved up to grip his hair roughly as my tongue came out to swipe at his bottom lip.

At that action, I heard a noise come from him. A cross between an almost animalistic growl and a soft whimper. I could just _melt_ at that sound. Before I know it, a moan is bubbling up my throat and then Ichigo is crushing his lips to mine more insistently.

The kiss becomes bruising and fierce but I don't even care; we don't stop. Ichigo's body weight is leaning a little too heavily on me and we are stumbling backwards. My back hit's the door hard, knocking the wind out of me, but we don't stop still.

Ichigo's kissing is quickly going above and beyond proficiency as he becomes bolder and bolder. His hands roughly grab my hips and pull me closer to him, flush against him. One of his hands moves up and rests on the small of my back. He wraps his whole arm around me and holds me closer than before.

As he lets his tongue out to swipe timidly and wetly along my bottom lip like I did him earlier I pull my head back just to get a little air and it knocks loudly against the door. I let out a pained groan and he pulls away from me. My hand goes up to rub at the sore spot building on the back of my head.

"Shit. I'm sorry Rukia." I feel Ichigo press his forehead to mine lightly and open my eyes to see his soft amber orbs boring deeply at me. I feel him reach his hand to the back of my head and slide his fingers underneath mine to where a small lump is forming. He gently messages the spot.

I pull my hands from his shoulders, where I hadn't even known I placed them, and wrap them around his middle. I pull him back into me and rest my head on his chest. His arm around my waist stays as his other continues to sooth my small bump.

"It's okay, idiot." I mumble into his shirt. I hear him scoff at my choice of names. I smile. "I should be the one sorry though." I mumble again, the short lived smile fading from my face. Those words he said earlier, looking off into the distance, not looking at me as he said them; words that I used on him thrown back at my face. I hadn't realized how much it bothered him or how awful it really was at the time. I feel terrible for it. Truly terrible.

"Yeah?" he says with an upward lilt and a little disbelief to his voice. "It's alright Rukia." he assures quietly after a minute or two. "I know your reasons behind it."

I pull my head away from his chest quickly and look up at him in surprise. "Really?" I ask, wondering how he knows for sure what I was referring to.

His eyes shift from mine and stare at the door over top of my head his face develops an unreadable expression. "Yeah." he says. "But don't worry. I'm not letting you go." he finishes, looking down at me now with that arrogant crooked smirk slowly growing in place.

I pull my arms from around him and cross them over my chest. He keeps his secure around my waist though. I huff irritably. I fix him with a hard stare and feign annoyance, though really I'm anything but. That smirk is just too crazy hot to be mad at. And his words, they move and warm something deep within me. "Really now?" I ask in response to what he said, arms still crossed in mock anger. His smirk grows wider.

"Yep." he replies, adding a curt nod for emphases. "All your opinions are rejected."

Okay, now that smirk is a smidge less hot. "What kind of tyrannical way is that to woo someone?"

"Mine." he says immediately. After another minute went by he spoke again. "And _woo? _Who says that shit anymore?"

I flush lightly in embarrassment and shrug. "Alright. So maybe I was out of context and used a word that's been dead for decades. The meaning is still there." I insist defiantly.

"Guess you're right. Though the context was fine" he says distractedly. His eyes soften as he looks at me. A hand comes up and cups my scarlet cheek in his palm. "But god, you are just too damn beautiful with that blush." he says as he slowly closes the gap between our lips.

* * *

A/N:

Jeez, somehow it still turned out kinda sorta angst-y. What's wrong with me lol? Guess I lied about the loads of fluff part too. But was the ending too sappy? If so, can you forgive me?

NEways, I tried. I knew it wasn't gonna be as good as the last chapter *shrugs* What can i say?

And thanks to everyone that has reviewed/favorited/alerted this story (and me!) so far. It truly amazes me that so many people are still reading and enjoying. Cause I went back and reread everything from chapter 1 till now, and wow. Not the best piece of fictional literature out there, _by far_. But thanks for the encouragement I've recieved! And anonymous reviewer Michelle... your review made my day, for several days lol. I'm sincerely glad that you like what you've read so far.

Anyways...all that aside...comments, questions, concerns, flames, bashing? add it in a REVIEW please. Laterz!


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or a psych ward, which will probably become glaringly obvious in this chapter.

Also, forgive any OOCness in here.

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

"Mmmm. You taste _so _good."

A breathless pant of 'more' fills the air and I'm not sure whose speaking out loud and who isn't.

My hands slide along the waist band of his pants and smooth up his well-toned sides, underneath his shirt. Ichigo shudders ever so slightly at my touch and I run my hands up higher. The feel of his soft skin and hard muscles under my fingertips drives me a little crazy.

Ichigo slips the tip of his tongue into my mouth and I touch mine to his gently. Both his hands raise to my face, sliding back through my hair. I smile into the kiss. My hands, previously splayed across his ribs under his shirt, move and dip down the sides of his pants and underneath his boxers. His slim waistline and narrow hips held in my small hands; it gets me excited - for lack of a better word. My hands smooth around his body and graze the top of his ass. I have the inexplicable urge to _squeeze_ that probably firm ass of his. So much so that I was just about to relieve that urge when Ichigo makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat and quickly throws my hands from his body.

I pull back from him and look up questioningly, feeling all forlorn and shit because I didn't get to touch more of him. And this isn't the first time he's stopped me. It's been about a full two weeks since our first kiss. More and more as of late, whenever we kiss, things get a little heated. My hands start to wander. And oddly enough, it's only _my_ hands that are doing the wandering.

When our lips are locked his hands are in either one of four places. Four very _appropriate_ places. Caressing my face, in my hair, around my waist or on the small of my back. Nowhere else. Very rarely do I get to feel his strong grasp on my hips. But with me, I'm doing all of what he does and more. I can't help it when my hands slide under his shirt or along the waistband of his pants, dipping in and dangerously low. I just want him so bad, and I know he wants me too. I long for him to touch me sometimes. I love his sweet caresses and how he holds me so tight, but honestly, I want something more.

Ichigo clears his throat and looks down at me, breaking me from my reverie. He's giving me a look, one I cannot read and his face is colored a light pink with a blush. Which brings me to another thing. Every time my hands get to wandering his body, he's always flushing. Flushing and shifty with me whenever my hands travel too far south… A soft smile crosses my face. This, and the fact that he's always hesitant and tentative about touching _me_, it almost makes me think he's really -

"Shy." I say softly. "You're so adorably shy!" I blurt out loudly now. Ichigo scowls at me and opens his mouth to vehemently protest and for some reason, this news makes me giggly and giddy. I find it so schoolboy cute that he won't touch me. I know, I'm weird. Minutes ago I was puzzling over the fact and almost dejected, but now that I think I figured it out, and I'm pretty sure I did, I find it just so _endearing. _He's still yelling and denying it but, c'mon! That telltale heightened blush is proof. The way he acts is proof. His angry and intense denial could also be proof.

I can't stop the giggle that bubbles up my throat. His scowl deepens and I throw my arms around his neck in an affectionate hug before he kicks me out of his room for laughing at him. I squeeze onto him painfully tight and he sighs and returns my embrace.

"It's okay Ichigo. I find it _so_ sweet that you're shy." He sighs again. I give him another quick squeeze before I pull back and look him seriously in the eyes.

"But Ichigo, I - I'm not… I don't make you nervous do I? I mean, I'll stop you know. If you don't like me touching you like that. I'm, well, I'm not usually so forward. I don't know, I mean, shit I practically molest you every time we make-out!" I babbled. Words just run from my mouth and I wish I would stop but I can't.

I feel a finger press to my lips and I stop talking, mid word. I look up from where my eyes had wandered in my sudden embarrassment to his face. He's still scowling lightly but his face softens when my eyes connect with his. A very slight smirk graces his features.

"Just, shut up, will ya? You're embarrassing the both of us enough. I don't mind you touching me like that. Fuck, I _like_ it. It's just-" he scratches his head and adverts his eyes to the left. "uh, new? Yeah, it's new. And I-" he blushes. "well, I'll get used to it. Just, give me time?" His voice goes up at the end, as if he's asking me. I smile at him. He should know I will. Of course I will. And gods, he's adorable.

I reach up to pull his face down. The kiss is slow and soft and sweet. All smooth lips and silky wet tongue. He really does taste good. Like a good mint mouthwash and something totally masculine. Heady. I have to almost physically fight with myself to keep from… sexually assaulting him. I'll be good. I can be good. For him.

Ichigo pulls back from me when it gets to be too much. I need air and he does too. He touches his forehead to mine and runs the pad of his thumb across my undoubtedly swollen lips. My mouth curls up at the ends. Something passes over his face briefly before a wicked gleam flashes through his eyes.

"And I'm not fucking shy, " he adds quietly and confidently as he leans down more to press his lips softly to my neck. Surprised, pleased and all too willing, my head lolls to the side, giving him access to my heated skin. My hands go to the back of his neck and his orange hair as he flicks his tongue out along my pulse point hesitantly. I hold him in place with the strong grasp I have on him, not letting him go.

"Mmmm."

If that was what I had to do to get him to touch me first, nuzzle my neck like this, kiss and suck on my loudly thudding pulse just this way- well damn. I'd have stopped fondling him so much a while ago. I'd have let up some and let him get used to this type of interaction, let him get the feel for this type of physical contact and be patient with him. I'd have-

"Does it feel good, Rukia?" he asks in a husky, rough and almost uncertain voice, lips ghosting across the skin towards the back of my neck. Makes my stomach drop right out of me. My reply is whispery and breathy.

"Yes, it does." Oh god it does.

He pulls me forcefully hard into him by his strong grip at my waist, hands finally going where I want them to. Under my shirt, touching the bare skin at my waist. I moan softly and the lips that were attacking my neck with those open-mouthed wet kisses part and he bites down, just where the blood is rushing the most. I can't help the loud gasp that comes.

Arms tangled together. Chests heaving and panting. I clutch at him wildly, throwing my head back even more as his lips come back up to capture mine. Oh sweet fucking bliss.

* * *

In the restroom mirror at work, I scowl at my reflection. I touch the side of my neck and a thrill of satisfaction rolls through me. But god, did that mark have to be so red? And so big? So goddamn obvious?

I use a cold, wet paper towel and press it to my massive hickey, knowing it won't do any good but at a total loss of what else I could do. I feel my face soften as I recall just what he did and just how it _felt _before I catch sight of the huge red blotch again. My scowl comes back and I start muttering.

"Damn this. Damn Ichigo and his-"

"What about Ichigo-san? Isn't that that boy you check up on?"

Quick as hell, my eyes fly up and reflected in the mirror is Kiyone's wide and curious stare hovering over my instantly pale face.

Shit! "Uh, ye-yeah. I monitor him." Calm, be calm Rukia.

"Oh." she looks down to the napkin pressed to my neck and the visible redness showing from underneath the side. "Oh gosh! What happened Kuchiki-san?" she asks, reaching forward and removing the wet towlette from my grasp.

I watch in the mirrors reflection as Kiyone examines my neck, entirely horrified. I wrack my brain furiously for something to say, something not too far-fetched sounding, when her eyes widen further and she starts stammering.

"K-Kurosaki-kun. He didn't, like, do this to you, did he? I hadn't heard anything about him being violent but Unohana-san, I heard her talking to his psychiatrist about his behavior and such and she seemed to think him more unstable than original and-"

Heart pounding, I quickly derail her. "No no no." I say as I turn around, facing her and waving her off. "It's absolutely nothing like that. He didn't do this to me. There, ah, there was this… a bug, in his room, and it bit me. His, uh, window was open and there was this huge bug in his room that bit me is all. I was just kind of upset with him because… I'm constantly telling him to keep his window closed, you know."

Her face visibly relaxes and she sags with relief. "Oh. Well thank goodness it was just a bug bite. Not that it's good you got bit! Just, you know, it wasn't something terribly serious. Though that does look pretty awful. Are you allergic to the bug that got you?"

I give her a strained smile. I know it must be more of a grimace than anything, but she doesn't seem to notice. I rub distractedly at my red neck. "You know, I don't think so. He must have just got me really good. Hehehe."

"Yeah. Well make sure you get something to put on that. It looks pretty bad. Alright Kuchiki-san. I've got to go. See ya!"

"Bye." I call out weakly. I close my eyes and turn, facing the sink and the mirror again as I hear the door shut. I turn the facet on all the way to cold and splash my face. I'm hot and my breathing is a little too fast for my liking.

"Holy hell." My voice echoes out into the empty bathroom, slightly shaky. I look up to my reflection again. I'm still pale. My face drips water and a few strands of my dark hair are plastered to my skin. I allow a feeble smile to come over my face as I smooth the loose strands back. Heh, she bought it. Shit! She bought it! As stupid as what I said sounded, she still bought it!

My smile widens until I realize I just had to lie about Ichigo. About being with him and what we do, and I think of how much _more_ lying I'll surely have to do because of this thing we've got together. I knew moments like this would happen. I'd sat up one night just thinking about it. I knew because there's just no way, no matter how careful either of us is, that we'd ever be able to hide everything perfectly. It just wasn't going to happen.

I look at my still slightly dripping face in the mirror and though I feel a little disheartened, I don't allow my smile to vanish completely. It's okay. It's what I expected. No relationship is all rainbows and sunshine and kitten farts. They've all got their rocks to get over. And this one, well.. It'll just be a little more difficult and rocky. But I really care about him. I really like him. I think about his amazing light brown eyes and his beautiful smile and I know it's worth it. He's worth it.

* * *

**~Ichigo POV~**

Rukia just came back. When I opened the door for her she grabbed me by my hair and dragged me in after her.

"What the fuck's your problem?" I yell once we were both all the way in the room and she'd let me go. I rub my head where she had pulled at my hair extra hard.

"This!" she cries. I watch as she pulls what looks like a paper towel away from her neck and holy fuck-

"Holy fuck! Who did that to you? I'll fuck them up." I say, deadly serious and seriously murderous. She's been gone, what, thirty minutes? It had to have happened here. Someone did it and I don't know who the shit'd wanna hurt my girl like that, or how they fucking managed, but really, their ass is mine now.

I think, potential suspects flying through my mind. Grimmjow? Nah, he wouldn't. Tatsuki? I doubt she would though I know she can be violent. No, it wasn't her. Byakuya maybe? But no. He wouldn't put himself low enough to even bother. That Yumichika guy definitely didn't. The bald one… he's always rubbed me the wrong way. He's weird and spastic and oddly clingy with Rukia sometimes. Could be, but fuck, I don't know.

"Who did it Rukia?" I ask as I push past her and head towards the door, only to be held back by her hold on my shirt. I turn around to regard her impatiently when I see her completely disbelieving and annoyed face.

"What?" I ask irritably. Not irritable with her, just this whole shit.

"You really are an idiot, aren't you?" she asks. The annoyed look dropping from her face somewhat. Her face softens more and she rolls her eyes as I give her my own look of confusion.

"_You_ did this, fool."

I recoil slightly until, bam, it hits me. I stare down at that big, oblong circle of dark red at the base of her neck. I walk up to her and tilt her head to the side to get a better look. Wow, I… wow.

I turn her head to it's rightfully straight position. "So I did that. Huh." I say in a kind of awed and wondering voice.

"Huh? Is that all you can say? It looks like I've been branded." she deadpans.

I touch the skin gently and feel that it's very, very slightly raised. Looking at that loud and angry mark, I want to be sorry, I really do. But looking at it and knowing that I did that to her.. Remembering how she tasted so good, the sexy little moans she made, the tight grip she had on my hair and neck, her head falling back further, just her body being so close to mine… and that soft skin between my teeth… Fuck, the whole thing was so hot; so great. Turns me on in a weird way.

I feel myself smirk; all cocky and boasting and self-assured. I want to laugh when Rukia looks at me in a kind of annoyed, disgusted and amused manner; all in one.

"You are such a pig." she mutters darkly, eyes narrowed and accusing. "Where'd the shy Ichigo disappear to so quickly?" she asks in a sad tone that kind of makes me feel bad. But not really.

I flash her a wide smile and pull her into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry Rukia. I didn't mean to leave you so… red." I tell her softly and lamely, not really feeling sorry at all. I pull her closer and bury my face in her soft as feathers hair. I inhale her unique scent deeply and feel a tight fluttering in my chest. "So what are you gonna tell people happened?" I ask, face still pressed to her hair.

She smiles. I know she did. I can feel it forming against my chest through the fabric of my shirt. "There's nothing to tell. I just got bit by this big, stupid, orange bug."

I chuckle in spite of the low blow she dealt me. I squeeze her just a little more. "That's my girl. You're so smart." I murmur into her ebony locks. She squeezes me back and laughs with me, a light tinkling sound. My chest tightens a little more.

* * *

It's the next day. Rukia just left out. She told me Tatsuki is going to be discharged in two days.

She was so happy for her. Her face was practically glowing when she told me. She said she's known for a little over two weeks that she was being looked to be released soon, but she just got the okay to tell her. She grabbed my hands with the biggest, widest, and proudest smile on her beautiful face. It transformed her already gorgeous features into something even more magnificent. Took my breath away. Completely stole it.

Rukia, she's really something amazing. But the sad thing is, she doesn't realize it. I know she doesn't understands how much she means to me. Or how much she means to the rest of the guys. Grimmjow, he's… really close with her. I could tell by the way he spoke about her that day at breakfast. They've got a bond, like a deep friendship. I know he cares about her. Byakuya too. He trusts her a lot, if nothing more. I heard how she was the only one that was able to talk to him when he was in that deep depression. She was the only one that was able to get through to him enough to get him out of it. Ikkaku and Yumichika, even they can say it. She's special to them, just like she is to everyone else.

And Tatsuki. I know she's been actually trying for the past month and some change, trying really hard, and I know she deserves what she's getting. I've known her for a pretty good while; ever since I met Sayuri when I was ten. And even though I was never around her all that much, she was sort of like a big sister to me. So I know when she pulled me aside in the hallway and told me that she would have never gotten as far as she's come now without Rukia pushing her, I know she meant it. A genuine smile creeps it's way onto my face, one like the one Tatsuki gave me as she told me that.

I fold my arms behind my head and fall back onto my back. The uncomfortable springs of the mattress bounce me up a bit, but I don't feel it.

I think about Tatsuki leaving in a few days. I'm happy fore her, really. I wonder if Sayuri will be here to pick her up with their mom. I sigh, hoping Sayuri will put her anger towards Tatsuki aside and be there for her. It'd mean so much to her.

I close my eyes and a picture of _my_ mom flashes through my mind. Her long and sunny peach colored hair and that loving smile on her face. My dad's there too. Him and his goat-chin beard, leaping around and clapping his hands like some sort of idiot. Though I always thought he was bat-shit insane, I miss them both and my sisters, a lot. I wonder if Karin and Yuzu would be there at my discharge. Would they smile and reach out to hug me, or cringe and cower from me like they used to when they were younger?

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

"Whaaaat!" Her reply was long, loud, drawn-out and lazy.

I walk into Tatsuki's room, anxious and excited. I'm about to tell her. The two week monitoring process is up. She'll get to leave in another two days. I'm about to let her know that all that hard work she's put in has finally paid off. I couldn't be more happy for her.

I walk in and see Tatsuki lounging in a chair, good leg sprawled out in front of her while her stump is left out to the side on the seat.

I let the door close behind me and walk around her bed and take a seat on the edge of it, facing her. She raises an eyebrow at me. Unprovoked, a wide smile spreads across my face. Now, instead of looking whimsically curious, she's leaning back in her seat with a mildly unnerved expression, only causing my grin to get even bigger. I imagine I probably look rather creepy and try to tone down the smile some. Ah, but I'm just really excited.

I clasp my hands together and drop them on my lap, face smoothing out to my normal look. "So, a lot of people have noticed, you've really been doing rather well these past few months." I start.

Her unnerved expression eases somewhat and she relaxes in her seat. "Well hell yeah. I'm trying to get out of here, remember?" she says with a grim and determined look on her face.

I nod my head. "Yes, I remember. I even remembered enough to tell Unohana-san how great you've been progressing."

"Unohana?" Tatsuki's eyebrows raise in shock and recognition of the name. Unohana-san's a big and important name around here with lots of clout, seeing as she's the wards head director and all. Everyone knows who she is, patients and workers alike.

Tatsuki continues to gape at me and I have to force my lips into a straight line. It's so hard. "Unohana?" she asks again. "No shit?"

A small smirk comes back to my face. I can't help it. "No shit." I confirm.

Tatsuki flies up into an up-right position. Face alight, really glowing. "Well fuck! What'd she say?" Excitement bubbles up in her voice, in her eyes.

Caught up in her excitement, I gesture around as I speak, and I speak really fast. "Well actually, Unohana-san, she called me into her office one day. To talk about you specifically. She said she'd read other nurses reports and mine and heard that you were doing really well and wanted to talk to me about it, since I'm the one that monitors you the most. I told her you were doing awesomely, how far you've come, how successful your physical therapy sessions were going. I told her everything. And, well, you're being released Arisawa-san! In two days!"

I finished my long explanation in a high pitched and girlish voice, a slight squeal to it too. I never sound like that, ever. Only when I'm very extremely excited. I smile at Tatsuki's utterly stunned expression, bright and wide.

I sat in silence for almost a full minute, waiting patiently for it all to sink in for her.

I was about get up and give her a boosting shake when she lifts her dark brown eyes from the floor and the first and only real smile I've ever seen from this woman forms on her face. She smiles, radiant and beautiful as a loud 'holy fuck' explodes from her mouth.

She stands easily, much easier than I've seen from her, with the crutches tucked safely beneath her arms. I stand with her.

"Shit! We did it Kuchiki!" she yells out as she lumbers her way over and envelopes me in a tight embrace. I feel myself getting teary eyed and try as best I can to choke down my sentiment as I return her hug.

Crushed up in the hug, tangled up in arms and crutches, I correct her. "No Arisawa-san. _You_ did it."

She pulls back from me abruptly and I almost fall over. She scowls down on me and I teeter back a little more, thrown off by the intense irritation on her face.

"No. I said _we_ and I meant it. I'd of been nowhere if you weren't so persistent with me. Always pushing me and encouraging me, telling me to get my ass out of bed, getting on my fucking nerves. But really, I appreciate it. So, thanks."

I'm touched. Ridiculously so. I nod and smile up at her, unable to speak because I'm getting choked up and shit again.

Tats smiles back and collapses back in the chair she was previously in. She heaves a huge sigh and looks back to me, happiness and disbelief still shining in those chocolate brown pools. "So, two days huh..."

* * *

**~Ichigo POV~**

There's a quiet murmur of conversation floating around me. More than what usually is at dinner. It's mainly Yumichika and Ikkaku. Talking about Tatsuki's release tomorrow.

Rukia sits between the two, looking every bit the proud mother hen. She beams as she listens to Ikkaku and Yumichika talk about the up-coming discharge. I smile softly, involuntarily, as I look at her. Grimmjow must have seen what I was smiling at. He leans across the empty seat between us and elbows me roughly in the side. I glance at him to see him raising a suggestive eyebrow and grinning that lewd grin that I've come to hate so much in the past two weeks. I scowl at him and he pulls back from me, chuckling under his breath. Fucking bastard. I try so hard to suppress the blush that is threatening to overtake my whole face.

I look back across the table. All three of them just seem to be in such high spirits tonight. Yumichika talks of how beautifully well Tatsuki's been doing while Ikkaku talks about all the great shit she'll be able to do and eat once she gets out. Even Byakuya gave her his blessings, telling her good luck and all. Grimmjow though is the only one that looks like he doesn't give a fly fuck about any of this. He gave her a thumbs up and a lazy 'congrats'. Once Rukia's attention is off the bald one and the fairy he starts bothering her.

The only ones not doing much of any talking are me and Tatsuki. I look over to her for the tenth time, taking note of the shiftiness of her eyes and the saddened look deep within their depths. I look at her a while more and I already know what her problem is. Her sister, Sayuri. Worried whether or not she'll be there tomorrow, whether she'll still be upset with her after all these years, whether she's forgiven her at all after all this time.

I feel a protectiveness fill me. Tatsuki was a friendly, older sister-like figure for me when I was going through shit at home and because of my problem. Though I was close friends with Sayuri, it was Tatsuki that I would talk to when shit got so bad that I couldn't stand it.

I take one more look at her pale and nervous face and I know that I don't want her looking so sad tomorrow. So if Sayuri is going to be there with their mom to come get her, and if it looks like she's going to give Tatsuki some shit, I'll talk to her. I'll tell her that this stupid anger she's got towards Tatsuki, she's gotta let it go. I'll tell her that over the past several years that Tatsuki's been here, she's always kept her on the forefront of her mind. I'll tell her that the only reason she's getting out now is her determination to not let her little sister's life fly past her anymore without being a significant part in it.

There's no guarantee that she'll listen to me, but fuck if I don't try.

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

I'm walking down the hall with Tatsuki, Ikkaku and Ichigo. We're on our way downstairs to meet Tatsuki's family. She's leaving today. Someone's here to pick her up.

Tatsuki is a couple paces in front of me and Ichigo, Ikkaku on her side. I glance up to her face for the tenth time, taking note the slight pink coloring and the strained expression she still wears; eyebrows drawn tight together and lips pressed in a firm line.

I suppress a sigh and glance up to my side. My gaze locks with Ichigo's and he rolls his eyes.

Tatsuki, ever since that first day where she was so happy about being discharged, she's been kind of quiet and with-drawn. Kind of jumpy and anxious, on edge. I was confused at first, I didn't know what brought about this drastic change in attitude, till Ichigo told me. He said he had a pretty good idea as to what was wrong with her. Said she was probably nervous about seeing her sister again. They'd had a rough relationship ever since her accident and it only got worse once she was admitted here, he'd explained.

This time I do sigh and shake my head disdainfully. Ichigo scowls softly, shrugs and looks away from me, focusing his attention ahead and on Tatsuki's tense shoulders. This is why I brought him. I'd known about him and Sayuri being pretty close when they were younger. He said he wanted to see her, but I knew better. I remember the way he looked at Tatsuki's nervous face yesterday at dinner and I saw how his own had darkened with something akin to anger and protectiveness, a soft determination.

I take one last look at his profile before I face forward too. His jaw set and eyes are alight with that same quiet intensity as they had at dinner yesterday. A small smile slips onto my lips.

Ichigo, always taking everyone elses problems onto his shoulders. I know that if Sayuri is here, and it looks as though she's going to give Tatsuki a hard time, he's going to pull her aside and talk to her. Even though he covered up the reason why he was coming with 'I want to see her', and even though that very well may be the case, I know he wants to talk to her more. To tell her how much Tatsuki regrets not being there for her and how badly she wants to make it up to her. He didn't say any of this to me, but I know. I remember the way Tatsuki looked when she talked about her sister that day I eavesdropped on her and Ichigo's conversation. I remember it, I remember it so well.

And Ichigo, I suspect what's going on between Tatsuki and her sister brings something home for him. Not in the sense that their situations are similar, they aren't. But just the fact that he's not close with his sisters, he wants to be there for them and he regrets that he's not. And when he is released, that he'll make it all up to them if he can, if they'll let him. I know without him telling me that, that that's the case.

He's so - I don't know. Passionate? But not just about what he believes in or what means something to him. If he can help someone out, he'll try, no matter who it is. He goes above and beyond for everyone. I gathered as much whenever we talk about his time before being admitted. But I respect that about him. I admire him for it. I love that about him.

I bite my lip to keep from smiling too hard.

We reach the elevator slowly. Though I know Tatsuki can really move with those crutches, she's taking her time today. I understand why, so I don't try and question her. Neither does Ichigo or Ikkaku.

The ride in the elevator was quiet and comfortable, even if Tatsuki is silently freaking out. The chime of the doors jolted me once we reached the first floor. I looked at my guys. Tatsuki still looks somewhat strained, Ikkaku's sole focus of attention was directed on her, and Ichigo is still scowling softly as he drills a hole through Arisawa's hunched shoulders.

I try not to frown as I turn towards Tatsuki. Not able to take that pathetic look on her face anymore, I speak. "Arisawa-san, calm down a little, alright. This is a happy moment. You'll be leaving this hell-hole in a few short minutes, you know. Try to be a little more cheerful when your family sees you. I know you're glad to leave, so act like it" I scold very mildly.

Formerly downcast and dark brown eyes shoot up to meet my gaze, resentment and irritation rising from their depths. She stands up to her full height, dropping the slouched shoulders.

"Watch it Kuchiki. I've got a good nine years on you and you're being pretty damn disrespectful to your elders. Don't talk to me like I'm some sort of child, brat." She huffs indignantly and pushes past me to leave the elevator, not waiting for the rest of us to follow.

We stand there for a second or two. Ikkaku turns to me and pats my shoulder, a half smile on his face before he dashes off to catch up with Arisawa, letting loose a loud 'Oi' along the way.

"Smooth."

I turn at the sound of Ichigo's voice. An approving smile forms on his lips and I smile back. "At least she's not looking like she'll hyperventilate at any second now."

"Yeah, but now she's pissed."

I roll my eyes and get behind him, pushing him off the elevator. "Who cares?" He lets out a noncommittal 'huh' as I propel him through the doors.

We catch up to them quickly enough, regroup and head on our way. Tatsuki is a lot less edgy looking and I'm proud of myself.

We were nearly there, to the front entrance to Seireitei where I know whom ever is here for her would be, just a little beyond that corner up ahead, when Ikkaku puts a restraining hand on Arisawa's shoulder.

We all stop, me and Ichigo a little ways behind them. Arisawa looks up to him questioningly, no scowl on her face like I would have thought there'd be. Ikkaku gives her a sort of rakish smirk and moves around to her other side, the one where her stump is. He gently takes hold of her crutch and takes it away from her. She doesn't scream at him like I would have though she would. He reaches for her hand and he holds it. Laces their fingers together and he looks forward again, tugging softly on her arm to let her know they can start moving again. She takes a moment more to study the side of his face, hers softening into something I've never seen it look like before.

This is why I brought Ikkaku. Seeing how, over the course of the past two months, they've grown closer and closer. I knew there was something there and I figured he would appreciate the chance to see her off. He didn't ask me to come. I just showed up at his door this morning and told him to come on, she's leaving in a few. He nodded in understanding and when he looked at me, his eyes were swimming with gratitude. I know I'm glad I thought to tag him along.

Hand in hand, they start walking again. Me and Ichigo follow.

Seeing their hands clasped together, fingers interlocked in a sweet and intimate grasp… it jolts something within me. It makes me almost angry. Why should they be able to show what they feel for each other when I've got Ichigo _right next to me_ and I can't touch him? Looking at their joined hands, I want so badly to reach out and hold Ichigo's, just like that, but I can't do it.

I don't want to feel bitter. I'm happy for Tatsuki. I'm happy for _them_. She's being released and there's nothing she wanted more in the whole world. I will not allow my negative thoughts to ruin this special moment for her. I won't.

I look up from their swinging hands just in time to see that we're rounding that corner. On the other side, a little way more down the hall, stand two females. Both with a shock of black hair. As we draw nearer, I see they both look very much like Tatsuki.

"Mom, Yuri."

I look up to see the beginnings of a smile on Tatsuki's face. Her mom and sister turn towards us and I can see two pairs of brown eyes, one a deep chocolate like Tatsuki's and another a more hazel brown.

They both turn at the sound of her voice. The shorter of the two, her mom, turns and puts a hand to her mouth. You know, like they do in the drama movies, when they're about to cry, usually from happiness.

"Tatsuki-chan! You're out the wheel chair. You're walking!" she states the obvious, almost screaming, and starts forward to meet her daughter.

Tatsuki laughs and moves forward too, clutching Madreme's hand and dragging him along the way.

I take in the little reunion with a smile. I turn to Ichigo but his eyes are focused past Arisawa and her mom to the other person in the hall with us.

The girl with deep brown eyes matching Tatsuki's and long dark hair is scowling down into the ground.

"Fucking hell" Ichigo mutters and starts forward. I step back and let him. I just hope he's not going to be an ass when he talks to her.

I stand a little away from either group, observing. Tatsuki and Ikkaku are still occupied with her mother though I can see her eyes keep darting over to her little sister. As she watches her sisters stony expression, and the fact that she hasn't looked up at her once, Tatsuki's cocoa orbs develop a deep wounded look to them.

I advert my eyes over to Ichigo and watch him approach Arisawa Sayuri, concerned about the outcome of what he's trying to do. At the sound of his ever closer footsteps she looks up.

"I - Ichigo?" Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly open. Her face registers shock.

I can't see Ichigo's expression, his back is to me, but I can hear him. "Yeah. Surprise." he says with little emotion to his words, the same as he sounded when telling me about his disorder for the first time. His shoulders hunch a little and he stuffs his hands in those hospital issued p.j. pant pockets.

The shock still hasn't worn off for Sayuri. "Freakin' shit! No one at school knew where you'd went. I mean, shit, it got that bad? That you had to be admitted? And really, how long have you been here?" she asks, a cringe screwing up her pretty face.

"Yeah, it got that bad. And I've been here… a while." is his soft and vague reply. He's quiet for a moment and his shoulders rise in a deep sigh. "Listen, Sayuri…"

I turn my attention away from them, not wanting to listen in on their private conversation anymore. I know Ichigo is no stranger to either Tatsuki or Sayuri but I wonder whether or not he should be sticking his nose in their business. I mean, he's not family, and if Sayuri's resentment is so great towards Tatsuki as they were making it out to be that day I heard them talking so long ago, I have to wonder whether him talking to her will do any good at all.

Still standing off to the side by myself, my mind leaves the thoughts and consequences Ichigo talking to Little Arisawa could have and brings up the image of those two standing so close. Watching Ichigo and Tats little sister interact stirred something up in me. I nibble on my bottom lip, wondering why I didn't like seeing them together when someone roughly grabs my arm and spins me around.

I crash harshly into Tatsuki's side, almost knocking a crutch to the ground and look up to see Ikkaku's hand withdrawing from me and her jerking a thumb in my direction as she speaks to her mother.

I scowl up to Ikkaku and he scowls down at me playfully. I was about to open my mouth and start yelling at him when I catch onto what Tatsuki is saying.

" - chiki Rukia. She was my nurse and she's pretty much the reason I'm leaving today." she says, grinning, but it fades some as her gaze quickly darts over towards the duo a few feet from us.

Her mom beams down at me. All three of them are really very similar in appearance. Mother Arisawa is on the short side, only four or so inches taller than me and her hair is a less harsh black than her two daughters.

"Thank you so much for helping my daughter out. I know she must have given you a hard time, but thanks so much Kuchiki-san. I will be forever in your debt." she says, smiling tearfully at me and dipping her head. She raises it after a few seconds and looks up to her first born. "My daughter's herself again." she finishes thickly.

"It's fine, really." I say softly, uncomfortable with the attention and the praise and bowed head. "You owe me nothing Arisawa-san. It was my job." I blush. Damn it all.

She nods her head and turns back to Tatsuki and Madreme, talking to them both, asking him questions and cooing over Tatsuki's recovery. I smile amiably but I don't listen. My gaze is focused over her shoulder and on my boy and his friend.

Sayuri, she's really quiet tall. Ichigo's long frame only slightly towers over hers. She comes up to his chin. And she's really quiet pretty too. Her long ebony hair flows down her back, whipping back and forth with her head movements. Her cute and girlish features are screwed up into a mask of ire but as I watch, that anger slowly slips from her face, replaced with a chagrined expression and a gloominess to her eyes. I nibble on my lip more, hoping Ichigo is able to tell her how Tatsuki's quick and spontaneous recovery was all for her and how sorry she is she missed the last five plus years of her life.

Another five minutes go by in friendly chatter. I tell Arisawa's mom about the progress Tatsuki made, her physical therapy sessions, everything. But I run out of stuff to talk about soon enough. And Tats is looking more and more restless. Though I did notice, she hasn't glanced back up to her sister again.

Thank Kami for Ikkaku though. He's busy charming and dazzling Arisawa's mom; chatting it up. He says things like how beautiful all the Arisawa women are, how he digs Tatsuki's strong punches or smacks with her crutches, how his future mother-in-law is such an amazing woman for having such and amazing daughter and when should they start getting those wedding bells ready. I had to pinch my arm to keep from laughing while Tatsuki's annoyed and dour expression became even more annoyed and dour.

"And Arisawa-dono, would you mind if-"

He's cut off by a loud clattering sound; Tatsuki's crutches crashing to the floor. We all look over to see Tatsuki's stunned face and her sister behind her, arms wrapped tight around her waist in a backwards hug.

Sayuri's head is buried in her older sisters shoulder as she bends over slightly. She's taller than Tats too. When she speaks, her words are muffled and spoken a little thick with emotion, but clear all the same.

"I - I'm sorry Suki-chan. I'm _really_ sorry. Shit. I've been a real brat, not coming to see and all. And I don't know why I was ever upset with you. I mean, fuck, I know you've been through hell and back. It wasn't _your_ fault you were in such a horrible car wreck and lost your leg. I-"

I reach over and grab Ikkaku's arm and walk off a little ways away from them. This is so obviously a touching family moment; a private moment. I feel bad we intruded on it as long as we did.

I try to keep my eyes off them as the two sisters and mother talk and hug and kiss and make-up for all the past stupidity. I see Ichigo standing off the side too, on the other side of the Arisawas. I can see his face now. A ghost of a smile is playing along the corners of his lips. And he looks so beautiful.

* * *

Tatsuki and company left shortly after.

Hugs were dealt out as well as well-wishes.

I pulled Ichigo aside to let Tatsuki and Madreme have themselves a little private moment. I did watch this one though. It was so sweet.

Tatsuki ambled her way over to him. Her eyes had a shiny and wet look to them, but she was smiling so prettily. She looked up into his face and lifted her arms, letting her crutches crash to the floor with another loud clatter. She stands on one leg, arms draping themselves around his neck and her eyes are locked with his when Ikkaku quickly wraps his arms around her waist and lifts her into the air; a tight embrace.

They held each other awhile while her mom and sister cooed over them. It really was very cute.

When they left, Ikkaku stood by the revolving doors to watch them drive off. I gave his back a few rubs and he looked down at me with a contented expression on his face. He told me Tats said she's come visit him when she could. And I know he was happy with that.

I left him alone for a moment and went over to where Ichigo was standing. I stood next to him. His face looked happy yet forlorn and sorrowful and the same time. I wanted to comfort him, but oh yeah, I can't.

After awhile I feel his fingers graze mine and curve around them, holding on so lightly… so gently. But I pull away. I _have_ to.

I looked up into his eyes and smiled at him, genuine and true. I put everything I had in that smile. All my feelings and emotions for him. I put it all in that smile. I wanted him to see what I can't convey to him in a comforting touch at the moment.

His eyes were a little downcast, from me pulling away from his touch. But after a second, he smiled back, and it was amazing. So sweet and brilliant. Stunning, really. It took my breath away. Completely stole it.

* * *

A/N:

Well look at that. A HAPPY chapter. hehe. Well, at least mildly happy.

Anyways, like always, I want to thank everyone that has reviewed thus far. Anonymous reviewer Michelle: thanks again for another awesome review, glad you still like it (angst and all), and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, your reviews are so nice to read lol. Anonymous reviewer HAPPYCHAPPY: thanks for the review and I'm real pleased that you like the whole story so far. I try.

**SPOILER **kind of

Lastly, I am completely and indecently in love with the new Ichigo. If you've caught up with the recent manga you'll know what I'm talkin about (just had to share that with SOMEONE. God I need new friends. Friends that won't call me lame when I spazz out over manga...)


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

Warning: Towards the end, there is a smidge, kinda sorta, little, half lemon. If you are not comfortable reading something of that nature, go ahead and skip it. It'll be blatantly obvious when you get there and nothing happens afterwards (the chapter ends), so you won't miss anything.

Enjoy...?

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

I figured out why I didn't like seeing them together, Sayuri and Ichigo.

It was in the way they spoke so familiarly and lightly with each other, regardless of the seriousness of the situation. Knowing that those two go way back, much farther than me and him go. The closeness I could feel from several feet away. Seeing the evidence of a past he has that has nothing to do with me. One that I can never touch.

But really, it's not all of that totally. I'm not such a jealous and self-centered, selfish person. It's not as if I didn't like it because it's something I can never be included in. Just… it bothered me. And for another set of reasons I have a hard time figuring out, even for myself.

It's something in the way he looked once Tatsuki and her family left too. When I walked up to him that day as Ikkaku watched them drive off through the window, I noticed how his eyes looked so sorrowful, and oddly wistful. Like a part of him, even if a very small part, wished it could have been him leaving. Him leaving and having that reunion with _his_ sisters.

It was glimpsing that small, brief and fleeting longing to leave in his eyes. Because I know for all his 'I'm not ready to leave yet' and 'I need more time', I know there is some little part of him that wants to get the hell out of here just as much as Tatsuki did. Just as much as every other patient does.

But now there's that small part of _me_ that _is_ such a jealous and self-centered, selfish person. Because back then, yeah, I was brainstorming and formulating all kinds of plans to try and get around the system and, somehow - some_way_, get him released. Because I wanted that for him. But now, I get anxious at the thought of not having him here. I know he won't be here forever, God knows I don't want him to be. Just, not knowing the future… where anything will head between us when the time comes for him to leave, and knowing, deep down inside, no matter how much I argue with myself, that it'd be better for him if I wasn't around when that time _does_ come…

It's not that I'm going back on what I said to him before, and what I've told myself over and over. I really don't care that he's my patient. It's not that. I can get over my fear of being caught; I basically have. The fact that this isn't normal, this whole sneak-around-with-the-patient thing; I get that and can accept it. Because it never will be. And his age… just another number out of so many. I'm over it. I don't even think about it theses days. None of those are the reasons…

See? I think I can say I don't have anymore qualms against him; him and me. But when it gets down to it, all of that, it's just about _me_, about_ I_. My own problems and issues that I've dealt with concerning our relationship. But relationships aren't just about the individual. They don't contain just a single person. They're about the collective, the whole. There's Ichigo to think of. To think of how our relationship could affect _him_. Because I think it could, in the long-run, that is.

Really, what I'm trying to say is, I feel as though I'll always be a reminder to him of that Ichigo he wanted to change and make better. That part of him that he didn't like. The one that scared the hell out of his little sisters. That part of him that he allowed to be admitted to a psych ward in the first place. Like some sort of emotional set-back.

And I fucking hate it.

* * *

It's been two months since me and Ichigo shared our first kiss. I haven't talked to Grimmjow about it; about my developing, uh, thing with him. I haven't even brought him up since that day where I almost bawled my eyes out in front of him for the second time. And neither has he. I go in and visit him as usual. We talk about random things. Why the sky is blue, why _he_ is so blue. And it's okay. Our relationship and conversations have always been so easy. But somehow I get the feeling that he knows.

Grimm's not known for his finesse and tactfulness. If he's got something on his mind, he'll speak out on it; not giving a damn who he insults or offends or embarrasses. It's something I've always liked about him and simultaneously wished he would stop. I've gotten caught in the cross-fire of his words far too often; feeling outraged, helpless and mortified because of some of the things he's said. So that's what makes me think he doesn't know, because he hasn't _said_ anything.

I honestly don't know why I've never told him. It's silly. I've told him everything else that was either serious or important that's happened in my life since I've worked here (and God only knows why I do it). It's not as if he'd tell someone about my awfully inappropriate relationship with Ichigo; I know he won't. I just feel like the less people that know, the less chances I have of this blowing up in my face; as borderline irrational as it sounds. I'm almost bursting at the seams wanting to tell him, but I never do. Too wary of getting caught, the trouble I could get into, of getting fired or worse. So I haven't said anything even though I want to. And he hasn't either.

But dammit if those sly looks he's always giving me don't mean anything! The raised eyebrows, the smirks, the nudges to Ichigo at dinner. Why do I feel like there's something I should know?

* * *

"Hey Grimm." I greet as cheerily as possible, which was probably at about a three on a scale of one to ten. My semester at school is coming to an end and teachers are bombarding us with papers, projects and last minute assignments, along with the finals we all have next week. So my sleep has been cut short, severely short. I suppress a groan of misery and try to look more lively. It's impossible though, what with the bags under my eyes, the glazed quality they have, and the dark rings under my lids. But then again, it's just Grimm. I don't care if he sees me looking like the living dead.

He turns from the barred window he was just looking out of. His nose wrinkles and a fine blue brow raises. "Who stole your pot of coffee… and ran you over with a bus?" he asks with a smirk growing behind the sly insult. I just laugh and shake my head.

"All my term papers and last minute cram sessions. That's who." I reply as I walk over and stand next to him. He doesn't respond, just goes back to staring out the window. I sigh and look out too. Beneath us is a parking lot. Grey cement, cars scattered here and there, a few trees are visible in the distance; nothing special. But I've caught them all doing this before, just staring out the window. Wistful and sad expressions on each of their faces every time. I glance up to Grimm's and his is no different.

"Hey Grimm. You want me to sneak you out?" I ask as I nudge him with my foot. He snorts and slowly pulls his gaze away from the scenery, a real smile on his face. The sad look in his eyes already distant and fading.

"Yeah, as if you could. You forget, I'm 6"2' and you're not even five foot. Would never work."

I smirk, shrugging. "It's the thought that counts. At least I care about you enough to bust you out of here and risk a very nasty looking criminal record."

There's a gleam in his eyes and his smirk is even wider than mine. "Oh? No one else you'd risk that for? Even more so than me?" he asks. He turns to me fully with crossed arms, smirk looking almost leer-like now.

And there it is! That same old shit as before, like what I've already said. It's times like this, where his grin is just so sneaky and knowing, where he says things that seem to have a double meaning, the teasing and ambiguous tone of voice he uses; it's moments like these that make me think he knows. What else could he be talking about? _Who_ else, if not Ichigo?

Call me crazy, but I think he knows. My eyes narrow suspiciously but I turn away from him and try to shrug nonchalantly. "I don't know. If I could, I'd try and sneak all you guys out. I mean, you know what I say: I have a deep affection-"

"For all my patients." he finishes for me, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, I know." The smirk is back now. I can see him out my peripheral. "But still, I'm sure there's others, or just some_one_, that that affection is deeper for, on a more personal, almost tangible, level." His eyebrow is raised again, voice still teasing and almost seductive, definitely suggestive sounding.

I spin back around to face him fully, heart hammering, forgetting all about trying to appear clueless and uncaring. Seriously, I _hate_ when he does this! Like I said, it's been happening since the day after me and Ichigo kissed! And I never said anything to him _about_ the kiss! Ever. He shouldn't know! I try to tone down my feelings for Ichigo outside of his room. I thought I was doing a good job at treating him like everyone else. I don't even look at him too long for fear that someone will see how much I care for him in my gaze. But am I so obvious? Is Ichigo so obvious?

I don't know, but I know Grimm knows. I look into his jewel blue orbs. His mouth quirks up only the tiniest bit, a fraction more at the right side, and it's a goddamn certainty. I snap. Before I know it I'm grabbing the front of his shirt and gripping his hair to pull him down to my level.

"How do you know?" I murmur softly and dangerously. I probably look absolutely crazed. Bags under my eyes with dark circles, an almost snarl on my face, eyes blazing, but I don't care. Grimmjow's smirk just stays plastered to his face. He shrugs.

"God midget, know _what_?"

I shake him a little "You _know_ what!"

He scoffs. "No, no I really don't. You're crazy. Get yourself checked in midget." he says, all slow and condescending, still kind of grinning like this is fucking hilarious.

I shove him away from me and land a good, solid kick to his shin. He curses and collapses against the window. I ignore him and pace the small confines of his room, totally looking like what he just called me. "Of course I'm crazy. You people _make_ me crazy!" I rant.

"No. People are born crazy. It's just showing up a little late in you." he grunts out, sarcastic and pained sounding.

I turn and frown down at him as he rubs his leg and scowls up at me. "Shut up, Grimm. Just shut up."

I run fingers through my hair and grip my head, feeling totally exhausted and drained all of a sudden. I let out a long suffering sigh, deciding to let it go again, for today. Grimm knows about the kiss, possibly more of me and Ichigo, it's blatantly obvious. I don't know how, but he does. And I know him well enough to know that he's having an effin field day here, teasing me and stressing me out about it, getting some sort of sick enjoyment out of it all. The bastard.

I sigh again and look at his crouched form for a second time. I almost regret kicking him so hard. I can see a bruise coloring his leg beneath his fingertips.

"You know what, Grimm? I'm just going to pretend that you didn't just royally piss me off and irritate the hell out of me. I'll see you later." I subtly growl, still feeling a bit peeved.

"But I didn't _do_ anything, Rukia~"Grimmjow called to my retreating back, kind of singsong-ing my name and stretching out all the syllables. I give him a withering glare and reach for the door handle, trying to leave before I damage him further.

"Oi, midget."

Snarl. "What?" And then he gets quiet.

I resist the urge to let out a loud, tasteless and ill-tempered 'ARGH', and turn to face him again. Still seated on the floor, Grimm's legs are spread out in front of him as he _still_ rubs his bruising shin, looking at me accusingly. I scowl nastily. There's no way he's still in pain. No way. I kicked him hard, but it's been five minutes. _Seriously. _The dramatics.

"What the hell do you want? I need to go. And get up you idiot. You look pathetic." I spit out, short and clipped sentences.

He puts a hand to his chest. The one not soothing his damned leg. "Ouch. Two hurts in one day? I'm really wound-"

I open the door. "Bye."

"Whoa, hold on. Seriously, lighten up midget. I gotta ask you something." I huff and shut the door loudly with another frown already in place, turning to face him as he rises to his feet.

I plant my hands on my hips. "Ask."

"Alright." he grumbles, deflated by my shortness. "I just wanted to know what all that shit was going on downstairs."

I blink, frown dropping. "Huh? What, shit…" I ask and trail off, confused, too irritable and tired to even think.

"All that construction-looking shit." he elaborates.

I scratch my head, looking, for all the world, like some brain-dead person. "Wha- Oh!" I exclaim, things slowly but surely clicking in place.

"Oh" I repeat quieter, dumbly and involuntarily. "I know what you're talking about." I ignore his 'no shit' look and continue, explaining what he saw this morning.

"Well, Unohana-san has been planning it for a while now. She's getting a day room built on to the building, at the end, next to the cafeteria." I say, forgetting all my earlier irritation and getting really into the details of it. "It's going to be like a sort of recreation room for you all. There'll be board games and such, a tv for you all to watch movies on, books to read. Doesn't it sound nice?"

"Hmm" he grunts shortly, already loosing any interest he might have had.

"Well doesn't it sound nice?" I ask again, excitedly. Ever since I heard about the plans for this addition to Seireitei a month and a half ago, I've been excited about it. I've always cringed at the thought of just how miserably boring the facility must be to the patients and I know for a fact that newer psych wards have recreation rooms already. We're practically living in the stone age, not having one. It's just that Seireitei is so old that there never was a large enough room that could serve as a possible day room, and from what I've heard, Unohana-san has had one hell of a time trying to find someone willing to renovate such an aged building anyway. But now we're getting one here and I know everyone will be just as thrilled as I am. They should be, at least.

Grimmjow just shrugs and says a non-committal 'sure'.

I ignore his lack-luster enthusiasm. "Yeah, I know you and the guys will like it." I grin at him. He scoffs back and mutters a 'whatever'.

I bid him goodbye and turned to leave. I'm at the doorknob and reaching until I remember something. Something that nagged at me the minute I heard the words escape his mouth, but forgot in the midst of the conversation...

"Hey Grimm. You said you saw the renovations already, didn't you?" I ask slowly. "How did you? I mean, when did you go downstairs?"

The renovations just started today, maybe yesterday. Not much buzz has been heard about it. And I know my guys. They don't go down to eat with everyone else, for any meals, unless I'm here late and force them to eat dinner together. They're the most antisocial bunch we've got at Seireitei. They're basically in their rooms all the time. Twenty-four seven. So, why is Grimm telling me-

"I went down for breakfast." he says, interrupting my thought process.

"Oh.. Really?" I question doubtfully.

"Uh, yeah." he says as if I'm slow.

I lean over and pat him on the shoulder. "Well that's good." I say a little more upbeat, still wondering what made him want to go down today; what made today any different...

He shrugs off my arm and I frown at him slightly. "I guess. We've been doing it for a while."

I shrug, grin at him and nod, turning to leave again. "That's really good, Grimm. You should try to keep it up and get out your room more often. Relieve some boredom, you know. I've just really got to get go-." but then I stop.

"Actually, wait; wait a minute. We've?" _We?_

That shrewd smirk comes back and an I-know-but-wouldn't-you-like-to look floods his baby blues. And he doesn't answer my question. I dimly remember him looking at me this way as I asked him the same question months ago. My suspicions come back, running on high.

"Who?" I ask, more forceful.

He shrugs and gestures vaguely, dropping the smirk. "This guy I met." he says, just as vague.

I eye him up. "So… you made a friend?"

"Guess you could say that."

"Oh."

I nod again and tell him I'm glad (which I really am) as my suspicions leak away. I know that sometimes companionship can be the best medicine. Just being close to someone, being able to talk to someone when you really need to, friendship in general. People need that, those types of bonds; no matter if they say they don't. And I'm happy that Grimm was able to find that in someone, other than myself.

I wave at him and walk out, heading to Madreme's, not really expecting to find him in his room anyway. I didn't bother asking Grimm who his friend is. Aside from my own group of patients, I don't know any others here. Not really. I couldn't put a name to a face. So I wouldn't have known anyway.

* * *

**~Ichigo POV~**

Breakfast with Grimmjow is always interesting, to say the least.

If he's not throwing some random piece of food at some random person and ducking down quick, hiding and acting like he did nothing (the big dumb ass kid), then he's telling me some of the wildest stories that I have ever heard (usually involving 'that Aizen bitch'). So wild that I have a hard time figuring out whether they're true or not. But even still, if he's not doing either of those, he's surprisingly being one of the best listeners. Listening to me spill my guts about whatever's on my mind, commenting when necessary (when it's not); or actually being reassuring, the voice of reason too. And who would have known he's like that? That there's such a decent and actually thoughtful person beneath that loud, rough and coarse outer exterior.

After that first time, I felt kind of awkward going with obasan to get him again. He was grumpy as hell and scowling at everyone; every_thing_. Pissing obasan off was ritual, still is, but a sleep deprived Grimmjow can just be so vicious. It took me awhile to figure that one out. And even though it seemed like he really didn't like me much, I couldn't tear myself away from the company he willingly enough gave me. At least kind of willingly…

Gradually it became routine. We would go over to his room, obasan and I, and he'd already be awake. Sitting in bed with the blankets all swathed around him, the most extreme bed head I've ever seen, 'side from my own. But he wasn't so bitchy anymore. We'd talk and conversation flowed easily between the two of us. He'd eat like a pig and start raising hell whenever we were about to leave, just to rile up that poor old woman, cause he 'ain't got shit better to do', he'd say. And it's all become so routine that I don't think I could skip a day of it.

It's been only a month or two, but now, me and Grimmjow, I feel like I can say that we've gotten close. I think I can say he's a friend now. And I really can't believe how fucking good it feels to be able to say that I have some. Real ones.

You really don't think too much on how important friendship is. I used to scoff and say, fuck it, I don't need any. I'm fine all on my own, I'd think. Because it was like the kids in my class, they never wanted to get to know me, or talk to me, unless they were bullying. I hadn't known what I was missing.

And now that I do, I can't go back.

It just feels so _good_ to be able to have normal conversations with someone that knows I have 'issues'. People here, we're all crazy. I know I probably shouldn't say that, but we're what places like Seireitei house. Different people. Special people. People with psychiatric problems. The mentals. But since we've all got our own abnormal quirks or fucked up shit that's wrong with us, we are able to relate to each other so much easier. Well, I think that's why. Why I feel a type of camaraderie with him, at least.

I may not know what the hell he's in here for (I'm guessing he suffers from extreme delusions or some shit, what with some of those stories he's told me), but I feel a sort of kinship with him, I guess you could say. Like we share something, something special; even though special is a shit word to use, cause I goddamn don't feel special. I find myself more open with him than with Rukia, and I suppose that's why.

I shy away from telling him about 'the voices' though. He knows I hear them, I've told him that much at least. I told him how I just started hearing them one day and that I still do, which is why I'm in this hellhole…etc, etc. But I don't tell him what they say. I never tell Rukia either. I don't know how they'd take me if I did.

Would they freak out on me, like classmates of mine had in the past? Would they be afraid like my family, the closest people to me? I couldn't stand it if they were. I may not act it, but I seriously fucking _cherish _their friendship. I really do. It's been so long since I've been able to connect with someone, like _really_ connect. And maybe because of our differences, I'm not able to fully, but I still value the fact that I can talk to them and they won't cringe away or look down on me. It's been too long since that's happened. And I'll be fucked if I ruin it.

So yeah, I've shied away from the topic of 'the voices', more than once actually. It just makes me uncomfortable to go into the details of what they say. I don't like to do it. I never have. And like I said before, I don't want to scare them off. I really, really don't.

So a lot of the time, I talk to him about Rukia. (God she just gets my blood going) I mean, I don't go into specifics when we talk. I don't tell him how she kisses me so lightly or with such a deep passion. I don't tell him what those sweet smiles of hers do to me, or the briefest of touches. I'm as vague and watered down as the first time when we ate breakfast together. Mostly, I just - I need someone to talk _to_ about it. About these feelings.

I've never been through this type of stuff, never felt these type of feelings for a girl before. I want to tell someone about it. Hell, I'd tell the whole damn world, if I could. She makes me happy. More than happy. Something so much deeper, so much more special to me. And I've heard people say so on tv and in books, that 'it's terrifying in it's intensity', the feelings they may have for someone. But for me it's just…not. It's not like that. It's not scary, it's not frightening. I try to come up with words on how _I _feel about it. Maybe words like excited and, uh, gleeful, but even those sound wrong. I guess - I can't even find the words to describe it because I feel like nothing can compare.

Grimmjow doesn't typically have anything constructive to say when I talk to him about Rukia, and that's okay. I just wanna get it off my chest I guess. Get it out there in the open, how I feel about her. Cause I feel like something like that, something so precious should be shared, as lame as that sounds. Like I said, I'd tell the goddamn world if I could. I only hope she realizes how much I mean it when I tell her I like her. I can only hope that my actions speak just as loud as my words and that she can see it in the way I look at her. Or the way I kiss and hold her.

Rukia's not the only thing Grimmjow and I talk about though, even if I could go on for a full day… or days. We talk about other shit. About how shit Seireitei is and or what our lives outside the psych ward were like. I told him pretty much the things I'd already talked to Rukia about. My sisters, the fights, the teasing, the few semi-friends I'd had, my mom and crazy ass father.

But as I talked to him, I started to notice, whenever we would have these conversations, Grimmjow, he'd always be so… intent on what I was saying. When I talk about how it was outside of the psych ward, he always seems so attuned to the details of, what I thought, was such a shitty life.

I started asking him about himself, the more I noticed it. What _he_ used to do for fun, what type of hobbies _he'd_ had. About his family, any jobs he'd had, what was the dumbest thing he'd ever done - just anything. He never volunteered any information and with his growing interest in my life, I wanted to know about his. I was curious.

But it was weird how he'd tell me; like he didn't even know himself. The words and descriptions he'd use were so vague. He'd get kind of quiet and frustrated and stop talking completely at times, this confused look on his face. It was… pretty strange. But there was one thing that he talked about without hesitation, and it was a girl, of all things.

Grimmjow's eyes would light up when he mentioned her. He'd smile when he described her, and it was such a different smile. Not the smirks or the knowing half-smiles or the lecherous grins. He'd get this nostalgic look and there'd be a soft smile on his face, real and genuine. He said she had long hair, bright hair, blue but with a greenish tint. She had a childish demeanor and the goddamn cutest lisp, he'd say.

I'd thought she was a girlfriend at first but he told me she was his closest family. He called her his sister but said she was actually a cousin. Twelve years younger than him, he basically helped his mom raise her. She was thirteen the last time he saw her.

The way he talks about her reminds me of Tatsuki and her sister and the way they used to be before she got in that accident. Caring and friendly with the other. So close with one another. And it would remind me that I never was able to gain that type of relationship with my own siblings. I began to feel slight stirrings of envy. I still do.

For the better part of the past two, almost three years I've been in and out of psych wards, never spending more than a week or two at home at a time. And for what? Because I thought I was in the way? Because I was worrying mom and dad, scaring Karin and Yuzu and messing shit up for them at school? Cause even though it was _me_, that _I _was the fucked up one, they still got teased and ridiculed since I'm their brother.

As of lately, I've been wondering whether or not I'm doing the right thing. Was I right in doing everything in my power to get admitted so they can live their lives, for at least a little while, Ichigo free? Free of the stress and worry and the, well, fear that comes along with me and my damned personality disorder. Am I still right in pretending that the voices are still so strong every time I get an eval?

I'm starting to think that I'm not. Cause the more I think about Tatsuki and Sayuri, Grimmjow and his cousin, the more depressed I get about Yuzu and Karin. Practically three years ago was the last time I'd spent any length of time with my family. I really want to go home sometimes.

But then there's Rukia to think about. There's always her. I have a hard time trying to think about how things between us will turn out. It's difficult to figure out _where_ we will head. When I really think about it, I tell myself there should be nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. Cause shit should be easier, right? No sneaking around. No job of hers to worry over. Just… none of that. And those are the main things, aren't they? What she and I both worry about the most. But I can't bring myself to get excited over it.

There is literally nothing I want more than to go out with her, hold her hand in public, drape an arm over her shoulders and pull her close as we walk down the goddamn street, and _in front of people_. All because she's my girl. To frown down any guy that looks at her wrong. To act like the douche bag, possessive boyfriend. Okay, maybe not that, but fuck, I don't even get the _chance_. And part of me feels like getting released and having a relationship with her outside of Seireitei would be perfect. That I could do all that lame, gooey boyfriend-girlfriend shit that I never even realized I'd want to do _so much _until now. But then there's a part of me that thinks it's just not gonna work out like that. Actually, I think I know it won't.

Basically cause of fucking Hichi-kun. He's the main reason why I get discouraged about it. The _only _reason. With all the 'why fix what's not broken' and the 'why are you even _thinking_ like that, things are fine the way they are!' and the 'do you thrive on being miserable, cause you will be when you get released?'.

I question myself on whether or not everything would be better if I just told the truth and got discharged. That the voices, they aren't so bad anymore, cause they're not. Only when I sit and let my thoughts fester over what the hell I should do about this do I really hear him, and it's so easy to suppress and tune out now that I can do it without thought. And I know I told Rukia I'd stop lying at the evals a couple months back, but I'm ashamed to say I haven't. I'm afraid that they'll kick me out. I've got this irrational, stupid fear that I won't see her again if they do. There's just so much confusion and confliction going on in my head that I don't know what to think sometimes.

I like it a Seireitei now, I really do. I look forward to the next day. Breakfast with Grimmjow, seeing Rukia shortly after, knowing that it's becoming easier and easier to suppress the voices; I'm happy and feel good about myself, for the first time in a long time. The only thing that's holding me back from truly being content is my family. My sisters in particular. I think about the talk I had with Sayuri at Tatsuki's discharge and how I told her that she really should forgive her sister, that she was trying really hard to not miss out on anymore of her life and how sorry she was that she missed as much as she did. I think about that and I feel even worse.

Yuzu and Karin are eleven this year. They're growing up so fast. And… I'm missing it. Of my own volition.

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

I've been feeling kind of out-of-sorts today. A large portion probably due to my fatigue, and a smaller part because of a talk I had with someone.

After Grimmjow, when I went to check up on Ikkaku, he wasn't in his room like I thought. I found him across the hall with Ayasegawa. They were doing the usual. Just sitting and talking. I've caught them like this countless times. Recently though, Ikkaku, he's been different. For the past two or so months, I guess. Since Tatsuki's release.

I don't think it's something I should worry over. He's not doing anything _wrong_, per se. He listens, is eating, takes his meds. But he's not Warrior-san anymore. It's been a solid two months since he's told me some outlandish story about some imaginary fight he and Yumichika participated in. I feel like this should be good, like maybe he's trying to get on the road to recovery too, but then I hear reports from the night nurses on how his night terrors are as bad as ever and I don't know what to think.

It's almost like looking at a more matured version of the man I've come to know as random-lucky dance-Warrior-san man, and it's disconcerting for some reason. Earlier today I sat down and talked to him and he told me some things that really stuck with me. He told me how he felt about Tatsuki's discharge and that since then, he's got the feeling like he's being left behind. He couldn't tell me why though. It's hard to explain, he had a hard time doing it for me, but I can understand where he's coming from.

Everything around me seems to be changing. Ikkaku becoming philosophical, Tatsuki getting discharged, Ichigo and everything concerning him, the way I feel for him especially.. I'm just like Ikkaku, in a way. At least I feel like him. It's almost as if I'll look up and everything will be different because I wasn't quick enough to catch it. Like everything will be different, but maybe not necessarily for the better.

* * *

Ichigo takes me by the wrist and basically yanks me into his room.

I collapse into his warm body as the door slams shut behind me, only to be pushed back into it gently. I look up into his warm brown eyes curiously. I can't read them. I hardly ever can.

A full thirty seconds rush by, neither one of us speaking. His blank face and vacant eyes bore into me so intensely; it's almost unnerving, but my mouth quirks up a bit anyway. I reach a hand to his cheek and hold it in my palm gently, giving him a soft smile. "Well hello to you too."

His previously unreadable eyes and blank face slowly breaks out into that heart-stopping crooked smile that I love so much.

"Hey"

He pulls me in for a tight but brief hug, backing away too quick for my liking. I glance up to him curiously again, frowning lightly, but his attention is off to the side. He reaches up, running a distracted hand through my hair shortly, looking so distant and faraway that it scares me for a moment. I make to call out his name but then he's focusing on me again, giving me another penetrating look.

"Rukia. You know I really like you, right?"

As always, a quick rush floods my system at his words. They're so cute, so sweet, so innocent. A breathless 'yeah' escapes my lips but I don't say the words back. He never asks for them either. Another smaller smile graces his features and he nods once, seemingly to himself.

He takes me by the hand and leads me to his bed where we sit side-by-side, staring out the window and holding hands, fingers locked together. We talk for a bit, I tell him how my day was, the upcoming tests I'm studying for. He tells me I'll do great and to stop asking how _his_ day was, for Christ sake, cause he does nothing all damn day anyways.

I told him how Byakuya kept telling me to leave as I found any and every reason to stay in his room, just to annoy him. He laughed, but it wasn't that deep, rich laugh I'm used to hearing from him. I glanced at his face and squeezed his hand. His fingers curled tighter around mine in response.

After that I told him about Ikkaku. About our conversations today. The way he said he thinks he's being left behind, but by what, he had no clue. I told Ichigo that I felt the same, in a way. Not in the sense that _l_ feel left behind, but in the changes, the differences the past few months have brought. And the fact that I feel like there's more to come. How strangely uncertain I feel about the future. How that in itself is weird, because I never get like that.

He hadn't said a word since I started talking. I squeezed his hand again and smile up to his profile. Such a handsome profile…

"But change is good, ne?" I say, trying to sound upbeat and drag myself out of such a wearying train of thought. He just shrugs and looks down to his lap, brows furrowed.

We sit there in silence for several minutes but I don't try to break it. He's thinking about something and I just want to leave him be. He'd tell me if he wanted to, or when he's ready.

"You- you won't stop seeing me, will you?" he asks so softly and suddenly. Uncertainty and hesitation lacing his words. My own brows furrow, but the look on his face stops me from asking him what the hell he's talking about. His eyes were downcast as he shyly spoke to me, but when he was done he looked back up and his expression was just so earnest and - and _somber._ I don't know where this unexpected question came from. It confuses me. I shake my head in said confusion.

"What do you mean by that? Of course I won't. I'm still your nurse, right?" I try to give him a reassuring smile, to try and lift him out of this sudden mood that he's in but he isn't even looking at me. He's silent and back to staring at his lap.

"Hey" I unclasp our hands and touch him at the shoulder, fingers sliding up to smooth over the side of his neck and to the back, playing with the thick hair at his nape. "What's wrong with you today?"

As sudden and unexpected as his question, Ichigo turns to me and pulls me in for a deep kiss. It was startling but I quickly respond. I can hardly keep up though and I'm left breathless in seconds.

He loops an arm tight around my waist and pulls me flush to his front. Well, as flush as we can manage with our bodies seated right next to each other. The hand I had at his nape tangles more deeply in his soft orange spikes.

Something about this kiss is different than any one I've ever had with him, or anyone else for that matter. As his lips part shortly and he takes in a gasping breath, I can _feel_ it. The difference. There's a rawness to this kiss. A kind of desperation and need. And even though my lungs are burning for air, I can't bring myself to pull away from him.

His fingers dig into my waist and he pulls me closer still, even though there's no where to go. I can feel every inch of his body as we end up collapsing backwards, me falling over top him. Air leaves his body in a rush and he lets out a low whimpering moan.

My head feels almost woozy, like it's spinning from the rush of sensations, emotions and feelings coursing through me. But I'm so acutely aware of _him_, of everything that is Ichigo. His taste, the feel of his mouth as it molds with mine, his teeth taking my bottom lip and nipping it softly. The warm expanse of chest I lay across, his heart thundering loud and strong against my own. And his hands, drifting beneath my shirt and sliding up and down my back. Dipping down to where they have never ventured, he presses them against my ass tentatively.

I pull back from him abruptly as a high moan rips from my lips. I clamp a hand down on my mouth, remembering that these doors are far from sound proof. My eyes dart to the closed door and stay for fifteen seconds. No ones coming, no one heard.

I look back to the beautiful boy beneath. My beautiful boy. His eyes are closed and his chest heaves and he's flushed. The hands that were just so lightly gripping my backside have stilled to the point where I thought they weren't there anymore. His eyes crack open and they're so hazy and so luminescent. He bites his lip and those still hands on my ass grip and push down again.

I keep the moan in this time but the feel of Ichigo's hardened manhood pressed firmly between our bodies has me wanting him wholly and completely, right then and there. He takes in a hissing breath. I put a hand to his hip and grip him tightly to steady myself. His hand covers mine.

"I-is this okay?" he asks breathily, with an edge of worry to his words. "I didn't mean… I- I don't want you to think-" I fumbles. I cut him off.

"Yes. It's fine. It's fine." I rush out.

I grind my hips into his, feeling that glorious heat pressed against my inner thigh. Ichigo makes a sound between a gasp and a groan and it was almost too much it was so hot. I drape my leg over the other side of his body, straddling his hips to get that better friction. More friction. "Fuck" he says.

I slowly grind into him, picking up speed as I feel his hips flex beneath me, trying so hard to keep my own moans and groans down as he pants and gasps. I lean forward and kiss him, almost overwhelmed by how good it feels, but I don't want it to end like this.

After another minute of that soul-stealing kiss, I pull back away from him and slide down his thighs some. His mouth is open but his eyes are hazy and confused as I look up at his face. I bite my lip and look down as I fiddle with the drawstring to his pants. I know what I want to do with him, _for_ him, but should I? I mean, it's late in my shift. Any other nurse could walk in here, looking for me. But as I glance back up again, the look he's giving me right now is just so damn hot that I can't even control myself. I'm so far gone, I wouldn't be able to stop even if I wanted to. And then I'm untying the string and leaning in for another quick, searing kiss.

I pull back again as he draws himself out of his boxers and p.j. pants with a shaky hand, all the while staring into my eyes. My eyes don't leave his as I lean forward once more and ghost my lips across his jaw bone and over his own still slightly parted ones. "Do you want me to?" I breathe against his mouth. He looks at me with those glassy ocher orbs and nods "Y-yeah. I-I want you to." he whispers as he surges forward and smashes his lips more firmly to my own, tongue coming out and rolling with mine sensually. I moan into the kiss as I reach down and grab a hold of him. He makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat. He tenses up, hips unconsciously bucking upward, causing his hardened length to press up against my bare stomach as my shirt rides up. I can hardly contain myself. My occupied hand glides up and down his hot manhood and I don't think I have or ever will want anyone as much as I want him right now.

His hands go up to my waist and slide under my bunny printed nurses uniform again, along my back. Ichigo's hands on my bare skin as I hold the most heated part of him in my grasp drives me a little wild. With my free hand, I grapple for one of his and pull it around the front of my body, thrusting it beneath my bra. He bites down on my lip harder than before as he cups and gropes me. I press my chest further into his palm. His thumb finds my nipple and flicks and it's my turn to make strangled noises in the back of my throat.

Before I know it my shirt is up and over my head and my bra is tossed across the bed. I can't even think to who got either off. I rest my palms flat on his leanly muscled chest as I lean back. Ichigo's eyes on my body gives me chills. His large and rough hands smooth softly up my sides then drift across my stomach, sliding up and to my breast. He brushes his fingers over my nipples and rolls them gently. I close my eyes and let my head fall back.

"Ah, fuck. Rukia." Ichigo rasps as I reach back down and continue stroking him. I feel his hips rock up underneath me rhythmically and I'm so concentrated on that, his movements - oh god, that I don't notice as he timidly leans forward and captures one of my breast in his mouth. I cry out softly but loud enough that he slaps a flat palm over my lips to stifle that prolonged moan. He sucks on me gently, kisses my breasts, licks them. I use one hand to prop my body up in it's straddled position over him as my other still caresses him. Fingers run up my side again as he swirls his tongue around my hardened peak. He clamps his other hand around my mouth tighter to quiet my moans. "Ichigo" I whisper into his palm.

As he pulls away from my chest, he replaces the hand on my mouth with his lips. The kiss is long and ravening; leaves me breathless but we don't separate. My tongue comes out and slides along his. I can feel his chest heaving against mine. His breathing becomes ragged and labored and my heartbeat goes thundering and wild.

I part my lips from his to lock eyes with that heated, lidded stare. His face is flushed and strained, like he's trying to hold something in. Like he's trying to hold _it _in. But I want to see it for myself. I want to watch him reach that ultimate ecstasy and come, all from the strokes of my hand.

I grab him at his base and pull up and pump. I look into his eyes, feeling and seeing his need; I pick up speed. His mouth is slightly open and panting softly, cheeks colored a light pink, his hair, dampened and sticking to his forehead; the most beautiful thing in the world. My chest tightens almost painfully and I'm sure of it. So sure of it…

His breath catches and I know he is close. I watch his heavy-lidded eyes slip closed and I'm almost mad. I wanted to look into them as I brought him. Watching it pass across his face was enough though. "Shit, _shit!" _he pants as his pleasure spills over. Hot and sticky and pulsing in my hand.

I let him go and fall back from my bent position over his body, straddling his lower thighs again. Ichigo is totally limp beneath me. Face still red and long burnt orange eyelashes rest on his cheeks, his freckles (that are so faint you can only see if you look real close) stand out so starkly against his flushed skin. He truly is a sight for sore eyes. So stunning.

Eyes still closed and chest slightly heaving, he offers me a section of his bed sheet and fumbles down a little and grabs his own portion. It's kind of unsanitary, kind of gross, but we've got nothing else and clean up as best we can. I wipe off my hand with the sheet, not at all feeling awkward as I get rid of the evidence of my nefarious activities with him.

I look up to see that he's resituated his boxers and pants around himself. I glance to his face and catch his eyes for a second before he closes them quickly. A brighter blush coloring his already reddened cheeks. I smile.

Grappling for them on the bed, I quickly fumble around as I hurriedly put my bra and shirt back on. Ichigo watches me dress. I can feel it. As I slide the shirt down around my waist, I catch his gaze again. The blush that was just fading flares back to life.

I smile even more broadly now (I can't help it) and lean down to press a soft and quick and chaste kiss to his lips. One that would definitely belie what we just did.

Lips still pressed to his, "There's my shy boy." I say, murmuring the words against his mouth. I feel him smile sheepishly as he places both hands on either side of my face.

"Shut up, Rukia."

* * *

**A/N:**

Ah, _sooo_, how was it?

Firstly, I apologize for the lengthy wait between updates. I really have no excuse other than a general lack of inspiration. I literally pulled this up every couple days and stared at it for an hour and would only be able to write a paragraph at best. It's just been rough, I guess. I got a few reviews within the past two or so months that really made me want to finish this damned effin chapter. So tada, finished. Even if it didn't quite seem worth the wait, hehe. Just setting up for future chapters.

As always, I want to thank _**Everyone**_ that has ever reviewed, favorited, and/or alerted this story (and me!). It's awesome and makes me all bubbly inside. Individual thanks to reviewers Michelle, HAPPYCHAPPY, Kurokawaii16, Taylor, and Hidden Star... since I couldn't personally respond to your reviews.

Anyways... comments, questions, concerns, flames, bashing? Add it in a REVIEW please!  
Laterz!


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

In case you forgot...

GUIDE:

Hichi- kun = hollow Ichigo (voice number 1). _Text written like this is Hichigo talking._

Ossan = Zangetsu (voice number 2). _**Text written like this is Zangetsu talking. **_In this fic, Zangetsu will be referred to as ossan.

'Text written with these quotes is Ichigo talking to his inner voices.'

"Text written with these quotes is regular conversations."

Text written like this is regular POV to specified character.

* * *

**~Ichigo POV~**

"Why do I feel like this is kinda gay?"

I sigh. "I dunno. Maybe cause you're a dumbass? There's nothing gay about this. It's just Candy Land!"

Grimmjow scowls and I hear him mutter a "don't fuckin' talk to me like that" under his breath.

I scowl back and tell him to take his damn turn, before I take it for him.

It's just after breakfast and this has become pretty much traditional. Our After Breakfast Candy Land Match. Well, at least sorta traditional. As traditional as playing after breakfast for the last week and a half straight can be.

Most days Grimmjow beats me. And most days he complains about my choice in "lame and boring-ass board games". Today's apparently no different.

"Seriously, how can you suck so bad? And at a damn children's game, too!"

"I don't suck! I've just got… shit luck right now."

He pulls a card from the deck. Violet. The next violet is seven spaces in front of him. He moves his piece, giving me a "really, are you serious?" look all the while.

After two more rounds of card pulling and me moving eight to his thirteen paces, he's declared that he's going to win and I may as well stop while I "don't look like too much of a loser".

Another two more cards pulled each and I've moved five paces compared to his nine.

"Dude, the age range is three to six," he says, deadpan, as if that right there is the reason why I should be doing better.

"So?" I kind of explode. "This game has nothing to do with logistics or using your brain. It's a race game based on the draw of the card! So shut it! I just keep pulling the wrong cards... dammit."

"You're still a goddamn retard."

And the name calling commences.

It's the same thing every morning. Breakfast at the ass-crack of dawn, then chill time in the Rec. Room with Grimmjow, the dumbass. We pick a board game or watch some shitty G or PG rated movie, insults are thrown back and forth, the name calling follows shortly after, and then we leave around nine. It's routine, as of the past month. Mundane - the same thing everyday. It's almost boring, so says Grimmjow. But me, I like it. Enjoy it even.

I can't really describe what I do like about the mornings. The food in the cafeteria is shit on most days. Grimmjow, my only company, can be such an asshole at times. I've already seen every Dreamworks, Disney and Pixar movie in here. The selection of games is seriously lacking, and I just found out last week that I apparently suck real hard at Candy Land. Despite that shit though, I'm happy.

I like that I can count on obasan to come wake me up for breakfast everyday at seven. I like that Grimmjow will come eat with me and we'll joke and laugh with each other while we do it. I like that I know everyday after breakfast me and him will stay in the Rec. Room for two hours before he starts bitching about needing a nap. But really, what I definitely fucking _love_ is that I know Rukia will be in my room by approximately 9:43 a.m. every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday through Saturday.

I guess what it is is that I like the routineness of it all. The sameness. The fact that for the past month or so this is how things have been, nothing's changed, and how I feel like I wouldn't mind if things didn't change for a good while. It's strange, I know, and fucking odd, but it is what it is. That's what I've come to… enjoy about this place. The routine of the mornings…

I fold my arms and slump in my seat some, feeling like I sound like some spastic OCD person freaked out by change. I'll be fucked if I have OCD, though. I got enough shit on my plate as it is.

I sigh and glance across the table to Grimmjow, but he's focused on the tv. I look over to it and see Toy Story is still playing, the "You've Got A Friend in Me" theme ringing throughout the large room. Grimmjow unconsciously hums along. I suppress a snort and a smile.

I continue looking around me and have to admire what they did with the new Recreation Room. The construction came out nicely, even if it doesn't match the rest of Seireitei. Here, the paint is a mixture of bright, calm and welcoming hues of blues and greens, whereas everywhere else is just the dull, drab tan colored prison-like cement blocks.

My eyes shift; my attention focusing over to the right side of the room. Over there is where the door is, or I should say entrance. Cause there is no door. It's just a large opening without any sort of closure; sort of like the wall just ended without reaching the other side. And the wall is really just half a wall. The top part is glass so you can look out or look in from across the hall. I guess they did it like that cause the nurses station's right across the way, looking in to the Rec. Room. From there the nurses can "keep and eye on us" without actually having to stay in the same room. Some of them do, though; join us for games and movie watching and stuff. Most of them don't.

"Oi. Idiot orange head. You've been staring off into space for ten minutes. Who're you talking to?" The last he says in sly kind of voice. I roll my eyes. Ever since I told him about the "voices" he's been taking little jabs at me and making little wisecracks here and there. It's insensitive and he's a dick, but I don't really care about it.

"No one you moron. Is it my turn?" I ask, reaching for the deck of cards.

He laughs shortly. "I guess you can go if you want. I already took all my turns and won the game though."

I look at the board game in front of me and see his piece at the finish block. I glare at him. "What the hell? You can't just decide to take all your turns. That's not how the game works. You go back and forth till someone wins, you retarded jackass."

He shrugs, yawns and stretches. "Shut the fuck up Kurosaki. I'm tired of your bitching and moaning," He pauses for a second. "Actually, I'm tired period. I'm gonna take a nap."

My glare fades away as I glance to a wall clock. We've been in here about an hour and fifty; it's almost nine. I can't help but smile. Just like clockwork.

Grimmjow stands and yawns again. "What the hell's funny?"

* * *

The walk back to our rooms was quick. We went the other way around so we passed by my room first.

As I open my door I get a shove to the back of my head and a kick in the ass. I stumble through the doorway and hear Grimmjow's snickering fading as he continues down the hall to his own room. I turn back and look out my door and shout a "what the fuck's your issue!" to his back, much to obasan's displeasure. I apologize to her for my language and contemplate rushing him for a quick punch or a kick to _his_ ass, but his door has already slammed. I shake my head at his juvenile antics, letting out a small smirk as I close my own door.

I walk over to my bed and sit in the middle, cross-legged. I sigh and glance to where the wall clock used to be. It can't be any later than 9:20 a.m., but I wouldn't know. Recently, they removed the clocks from each room after some idiot threw something at theirs and shattered the plastic covering, using the shards to cut themselves, the dumbass…

Still, regardless of what time it is now, I know that I can count on Rukia being here within the next thirty minutes. I smile at nothing in particular, probably looking like some fucked up, disturbed, creeper as I open myself up completely; letting down those walls that I worked so hard to be able to maintain, the ones I put up to block out the goddamn voice in my head.

I do this every so often, let down my guard and listen to thoughts and feelings that aren't my own, because the longer I block them out, the more tiring it becomes. I think I could do it indefinitely; block out the voices, that is, but after two or more weeks my head starts feeling muddled and… and somehow full. So every two or three weeks, to alleviate that muddleness and fullness, this is what I do. And just as I close my eyes and take a mental sledgehammer to that mental blockade, I hear his voice, mocking and echoing throughout my skull.

_A fucked up, disturbed, lovesick bitch is what you are._

It takes me a second to catch on to the fact that he _is_ mocking me and my earlier words, but then I actually laugh out loud.

'Asshole. Only half of that's true,' I say, without much thought.

The jeering rebuttal that I thought I'd here immediately after never came. He's… quiet. The lack of response, his silence, is weird. I wrack my brain to figure out what I said wrong, what could've gotten him to be so mute, but then I realize what I said, and what I might've inadvertently admitted to. When he does speak up, his voice is uncharacteristically soft.

_Which half?_

I think about his question, like _really_ think about it, cause for some reason this seems like something that should be given more than a little thought. I think and I think and I know I'm doing some hardcore pondering, but I don't think my answer's gonna change. Those large amethyst eyes framed with such thick lashes, the curve of her lips whenever she gives me that smile that will forever steal my breath away, even the sound of her voice - from her light and pretty laugh to those deep and throaty moans she makes when I wrap my arms tight around her and do those things she likes with my hands; all of that and more flits through my head, but I think I know what to say. And as a big, goofy grin spreads across my face, just from the thought of her _alone_, that's when I _know_ what it is, which half is true.

I pause though as the grin fades somewhat, trying to come up with the words that I already know are true in my heart. I speak and answer him hesitantly nonetheless.

'You already know I'm disturbed, at least according to my psych docs. And you know I wouldn't really call myself fucked up," I think about that time long ago, when Rukia got mad at me when I said I _was_ fucked up. I smile. 'At least not anymore' I amend. 'And definitely not a bitch… ' I say slowly, trailing off there towards the end.

It takes him a few seconds to answer, but when he does, he calls me a string of expletives. I sigh and let him rant but have to agree with some of his words, once he shuts up and lets me say something. Running a hand through my hair and slumping down a bit, I say it, what's been on my mind for, well, now that I think about it, for quite a while. But I'm sure of it; I am.

'Yeah, it's probably not the best idea to go and fall in love with the first person I've ever really been emotionally attached to. Especially when that person is a nurse at the mental institute that I reside in, _my_ attending nurse… and when I'm sixteen and that person's over twenty. I get that it's shitty timing, and circumstances and everything; I get that. But you know I can't help how I feel. I can't. So fucking sue me.'

He's quiet again. I wondered if he'd say anything back at all, but then he's back to cursing me out.

_Dumbass… You're gonna fuck us all over with these feelings of yours. You think it's gonna be a nice, happily ever after scenario - you falling for someone that's goddamn unattainable? It was fine before; the clouds and shit are gone, ossan's not bitching, but this is gonna catch up with you, and it's going to inadvertently catch up with us. Cause when this shit doesn't work out, which it wont, that infernal rain'll start up again, and you know what I'll have to do then. I'll have to take you out. I'll have to show you who's really supposed to be king, cause it ain't you. No king would get so twisted up in emotions and shit. Nuh-uh, they would _not_._

An annoyed frown creases my forehead, but my blood slightly chills at his words. Even now, after all these years and times he's said similar things to me, I still don't like it. It still scares the hell out of me. The whole "I'll take you out", the "I'll swallow you up" thing, his words freak me out cause they sound kind of like homicide. I don't understand them. But today, I don't let it bother me. I've thought about what he's said before, and deep down inside, I know he's right No amount of denying it will change that.

'It… might end badly, this thing between me and Rukia. It might, and I don't doubt that it's a possibility."

_It will_. He interrupts.

'Will you just let me finish?' I say harshly. Calming down a bit, I repeat. 'It… it could end badly, but what are you thinking will happen? I know your reasons for "worrying" are completely self interested. You're thinking that I'll get all depressed and those clouds and rain or whatever the hell it is you talk about will come back, but I don't think so. It's been like three or four months now, we haven't gotten caught and I don't think we will. It's not like I'm looking to get released any time soon. Rukia'll be around and I'll be here when she is, and that's enough for me."

_Is it, and will she? You know you can't stay here forever. You think everything's gonna be peaches and cream when you get released? You think you'll be able to maintain a relationship outside of here? You think she'll even _want_ to?_

I scoff. 'Whatever. I'm sure Rukia wouldn't just, I dunno, abandon me. We've… got something special, don't we?'

_You're askin the wrong damn person. And if you feel like you gotta ask, then the answer is probably no._

I scoff again and roll my eyes. He's an idiot and he wouldn't understand anyways. He doesn't understand us, me and Rukia.

I just ignore his ramblings thereafter. I'm in a good mood and I'll be damned if he ruins it.

Ten minutes go by and by now he's resorted to calling me a bitch repeatedly. Hearing the word echo throughout my mind over and over kind of annoys me. As I close my eyes and prepare to block him out for good, as I get that mental image of a thick and sturdy brick wall ready in my mind, I hear the other voice speak up for the first time today.

_**It's nice. Warm and clear. The skies are unmarred.**_

I briefly glance out the window. Leaves swirl past the panes as a light frost covers the chilled glass. Shadows are cast about as the early morning sun dips in and out and behind dark, accumulating clouds.

I look down to my hands folded in my lap and raise them up in the air as I collapse backwards onto my back. Unbidden, a small smile comes to my face as I take in ossan's words. Warm, clear, unmarred skies huh? I glance over towards my window again but nod in agreement just the same.

'Ah.'

* * *

**~Rukia POV~**

I decided to walk to work today.

I honestly don't know why today. I glance up at the sky and feel like it was probably a stupid thing to do. Big, puffy, grey clouds roll by quickly and I can actually see my breath out in front of me. I shiver in my light coat and pull my scarf tighter around me, trying to get some sort of relief from the chilled November air. I smile up at the rain-threatening clouds as the wind bites at my cheeks just the same.

The past few months have gone by in such a blur. So much has happened. So many things have changed. But I'm happy these days, more so than I used to be. I just feel light, more carefree than I can ever remember having felt. Another smile comes to my lips as I think of how he's constantly calling me beautiful, how he likes to trace the curve and outline of my lips whenever I give him a smile.

More and more as of late I've been thinking about Ichigo. He's on the forefront of my mind constantly, has been so for months now, but this - it's different.

When I think about Ichigo, there's a plethora of emotions to sort from. There's so much he does for me; makes me feel. He makes me happy; genuinely happy.

My life has been okay, it's not as if I've been through hell and back. I've got a good job; a home to come home to; friends and a miniscule amount of family, but I've still got some; my lovely puppy Chappy - the love of my life. But now, since Ichigo's come into the picture, I just feel so much more excited for the next day. I've been known to have a temper, but it's like nothing can truly get to me.

I smile every time I think of him, regardless of whether he did something to piss me off or was being super sweet.

And those changes I talked about, they haven't been just for me. Things have been different for Ichigo as well; good changes have occurred. Things are looking up for him and I couldn't be happier for him.

He'll tell me how he's so in control of himself now, of the voices. How everything is fine, so fine and perfect. He feels like he can really "beat this", his disorder, he says. And I'm happy for him, I really am. It's like he's a whole new person. Those slouched shoulders are gone. The hunch in his back is gone. I go back to that first time I saw him, before I'd even seen his face, and I can remember wondering why he walked with such a droop in his shoulders, why he dragged his feet so. Everything about him those first few times I monitored him just seemed so miserable. Down, depressed… lackluster. Just being in his room those first few times had _me_ feeling depressed. I could _see_ how unhappy he was; it was there, like a dull light glimmering in the backs of his eyes…

But seriously, him now, you'd never guess he has schizophrenia. It never really was obvious to me to begin with. That's why I had to actually ask him what it was he was admitted for. He's that good at masking it. But every so often, every once in a while, I'd catch him with this faraway look on his face - but not just a daydream look. I'd be talking to him and his eyes would seem to see right through me. He'd speak back to me but his words and voice would somehow seem so hollow… It wasn't frequent, but I soon gathered it had something to do with the voices. But what I'm saying is, no matter how infrequent it was that I'd notice that type of behavior from him, I see it even less so now. Not there at all, actually.

Ichigo smiles so much more now, and I love that. He's more outspoken, more comfortable with me and with others; it's like he's more relaxed in his own skin than I've ever seen him. I'm not sure how to put it… but I really think… I feel like he's coming into his own. Becoming his own person, and not just one with a label; a stigma.

But with this new-found confidence, this boost in his attitude, I figured he'd be making prime candidacy for release. He's had several evaluations with his psychiatrist since the one where I caught him lying to Unohana-san; I think they hold them at least every two weeks. For the past month he's been doing well - like really well, talking about how great his control is and all, so I don't understand. I've been mentally preparing myself for his release, preparing myself to get that notice of his two week viewing process leading up to his dismissal shortly after, but it never comes. I know it's going to happen soon and my heart drops at the thought every time, but I know it's selfish of me to want to keep him here.

I know there is no written rule out there that says I can't keep in contact with individuals that are no longer patients at Seireitei. I've even emailed back and forth with Tatsuki a few times. Though a part of me wants to so badly see him outside of Seireitei, to be able to be with him without all the caution and worry, there's a more powerful part of me that keeps calling myself an idiot. It would never work.

Me and Ichigo, we're not on the same level. Once he's released he'll go back to high school and will probably have to study really hard to catch up after so much class he has missed. And me, I'll still be working here, still be going to school, but I'll be preparing to graduate from college in the upcoming spring. Ichigo should be focused on trying to get ready for college entrance exams, or focusing on those big high school events. Prom, homecomings, sporting games, pep rallies; those're the things he has to look forward to, things he shouldn't have to miss out on. And me, I've got my nursing school to think about; bills, rent and food to worry over, Chappy to take care of. We're just _not_ on the same level. Maturity wise and otherwise.

Ichigo is still growing up, and I'm basically done with all of that. I feel like if our relationship persisted, we'd both just end up holding each other back in some way or another, and I definitely don't want that for him. It wouldn't be fair to him.

I'd be willing to fight for us, for what we have. I'd do anything for him, I really would, but only if I knew that in the end, I wasn't a hindrance to him. I would fight for us, but only if I knew that our relationship wasn't keeping him from doing the things that every other teenager his age experiences.

I stop walking, realizing my smile has long since faded. I sigh. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I knew anything between me and Ichigo wasn't gonna be a simple, walk in the park, everyday type of relationship. I knew that. But I didn't realize my feelings would go so deep for him and get so tightly wound up in everything. I didn't realize it'd be so damn hard! And I'm almost positive Ichigo hasn't given our situation as much thought as I have, hasn't thought of anything about where our relationship will go once he's gone from Seireitei. And again, I'm almost positive he's not going to share the same views on it as I do.

I frown down to my feet. Me and Ichigo need to talk. We need to talk about this and I know it's not going to have a pretty outcome. But we have to address this. We need to talk and it needs to be soon, but not today. I don't want to go in and inevitably have to ruin that good mood that I know he's probably in, the one he's been in for the past several weeks…

"Oi! Tokine! Wait up for us, will ya!" I hear a masculine voice shout from behind me, snapping me from my thoughts and startling me enough to make me jump. I turn to look out of curiosity, but two sets of tennis shoes are already pounding past me.

I shift to the side of the sidewalk to give them more room as they speed through. They mutter "excuse me's" along the way.

A little ways up the sidewalk, a girl with an incredibly long ponytail stands off to the side, her schoolgirl skirt swishing as the wind blows. Other people pass her by but she doesn't take notice; her eyes are focused over her shoulder and to the boys that had just ran past me. Her eyes linger on one in particular. The boys catch up with her quickly and I watch them with a saddening heart.

One of the boys, the shorter of the two, walks up to the girl. They share a look, and it's one of those looks, you know, one where you can just _see_ how much they care for each other, how much they like one another.

The boys' face breaks out into a very sweet and wide grin as the girl shakes her head softly and gives him just as soft a smile. The boy places a quick kiss to her temple and they link hands.

The three of them start forward and I can hear them talk about some exam they have today. Throughout the conversation, the two holding hands eyes linger on each other more than on anything else.

I sigh softly to myself and keep walking.

Maybe in some alternate universe where I am just a little younger and Ichigo is not plagued with his personality disorder, everything would turn out okay. Maybe we could be like that, young and carefree and together. Maybe we could have that…

But even still, I want Ichigo to have that. Ichigo _should_ have that.

* * *

**Ichigo POV~**

Ossan hasn't said anything else, and I shut Hichi-kun up myself. It's quiet.

It's quiet and I'm waiting; waiting on my girl who should be here any minute. Any minute starting… now.

I stay laying on my back and count backwards from sixty in my head. I got to one, but Rukia's still not here. Soon, she'll be here soon, though, maybe even… now.

Nope.

Not then, but probably… now.

… Or now.

… And now?

I sigh. She's late. I may not have a clock in my room anymore, but I can still tell she's late.

I scowl to myself and get up, wandering over to the high-up and barred-up window. I distract myself by looking out when I hear the doorknob rattle. I turn, a grin creeping it's way onto my face unbidden, cause I know that should be my girl. My beautiful girl, Rukia.

_Should_ be, but goddamn-it, it ain't.

My grin drops instantly as that stupid fucking psych doc, whose name I can't even be assed with remembering, comes fully into my room.

The bastard looks like he needs to be here just as much as I do. With his emo, blonde haircut and despondent disposition every time I see him; it makes me wonder about his credibility.

"Good morning, Kurosaki-san." he says, no emotion behind the words whatsoever. I don't respond, just scowl. I'm too damned annoyed.

He sits in a chair and rifles through a manila folder, what I'm assuming are my records. Once he finds what he was looking for he looks back up to me with lidded blue eyes and tells me we're about have a quick "discussion".

I sigh heavily, not caring about my rude behavior. But I sit on the edge of my bed and nod, telling him I'm ready and he better make this shit quick.

We breeze through the process and the questions:

Do I get anxious easily?

Sometimes.

Do I feel angered often?

Not all the time, but yeah, it happens.

Have I felt any lingering or strong bouts of depression recently?

Yeah.

Have I thought about hurting myself or others?

Yeah…

Do I feel suicidal?

A little.

He doesn't come right out and ask me those questions. He places them here and there and into conversation, with different context surrounding each one. But I'm a veteran at this, can smell an eval a mile away; and that's what this is.

I get one every two weeks it seems. I keep my answers vague and kinda open-ended. I know it makes it harder for them to actually, I guess, _evaluate_ my mental standing. I don't want them thinking I'm an immediate risk and a danger. I just want them to see me as unstable enough to stay admitted here. And I can work their system pretty damn well by now.

I lied on ninety percent of those questions.

It was quick and painless and over in no more than fifteen minutes. They always are. The psych doc, Izuro or something, gets up and tells me he'll be seeing me and wishes me a good rest of the day. At least that's what he said. He looks like he could really give a shit how my day goes, but whatever.

As he opens the door and walks out, I hear him speak to someone else on the other side. I was about to make my way over there, just to be nosy, when Iziru or whatever walks off and the person that I had been waiting to see walks in and shuts the door behind her.

Rukia is as pretty as ever to me. Her nurse scrubs sport the ever present bunnies and I can't help but smile.

Her large eyes seek me out and I swear, I _swear_, every time our eyes meet my breath catches. It's like the color of her eyes, the beauty she holds, and the deep and raw emotions I feel for her hit me all at once, every time our eyes lock.

I'm over to her in an instant and wrap my arms around her tight and lift her up. Her feet dangle and hit me at my shins, but she doesn't protest so I keep holding her.

Our gazes are still locked and her face slowly breaks out into a soft smile, so sweet and tender it has my heart pounding. "Hey," she says softly.

"Hey," I breathe out, a grin growing across my face.

Her arms rest draped across my shoulders loosely as she leans in and kisses me. Her mouth moves against mine gently and slowly. And I think that maybe because of what I admitted to Hichi-kun a little while ago, maybe cause of that is why this kiss, a kiss no different than any other one I've had with her, has my skin breaking out into goose bumps and has something in my chest tightening, tightening to where it feels like it's squeezing everything else out. My breath catches again at the feeling.

Rukia pulls away from me first and rests her forehead against mine. Her cheeks are flushed and she just looks so fucking amazing that it kinda blows my mind. It blows my mind that someone like Rukia, someone so gorgeous and awesome and beautiful, inside and out, would be with me in this way, would care for me at all.

I slowly walk us backwards until the backs of my knees hit the bed. I let my weight drop and we collapse onto the mattress, Rukia still wrapped tightly in my arms, and I just hold her. There's nothing in the world right now that I want more than to just hold her close to me. To feel her heart beat against my chest, the thumps of her heart mixing with my own till I don't know whose I'm really feeling. To have her slight weight on top of me, the heat from her body engulfing me.

Fuck, I know I sound like some lame-ass wanna-be poet or some shit, but _fuck_ she's got me. She's got me. Kuchiki Rukia… my girl, my midget, me best friend, my _every_-fucking-thing, you've got me. My heart, my soul; _me._ You've got it all, right in your tiny little fist, and I swear you don't even realize it.

Two or three minutes go by and I am just so content that I don't hear Rukia calling to me. My arms tighten around her a little more and I close my eyes, feeling so unbelievably at ease and happy it's unreal. There's a sharp prick of pain at my side but I ignore it, thinking it must be just the shitty springs in the mattress poking at me. But when I feel the same pain again, worse, and her tiny hand in the same spot, I get annoyed. My eyes snap open and I scowl up at the ceiling.

"What the hell are you doing?"

After a few seconds her head pops into view from underneath my chin. She struggled a bit in my tighten embrace but I don't care, and I don't loosen my grasp on her either.

"I was getting your attention," she says

"For what?"

"Because I want to get up."

I scowl a little harder and she frowns back down at me. I close my eyes and intend on ignoring her but then she starts struggling. I sigh loudly.

"Ugh. C'mon Rukia, stop ruining it."

She stops and I crack an eye open to see her gazing down at me, perplexed. The confusion on her face… Kami does she ever look so cute. I reach a hand up and smooth her hair back some.

"Ruin it? Ruin what?" she asks as she leans her face into my hand unconsciously.

"This," I say. "I don't want you to ruin this. I just want to hold you. So stop damn moving and pinching me."

Something passes across her face briefly. I couldn't catch the emotion. But then she's pursing her lips and looking all disgruntled and irritated..

I know that look on her face. There's a specific look that she's giving me now; one that I know is gonna come with the promise of arguing and hell and beatings- for me.

I grab the back of her head and shove it down into my shoulder. Before she can even open her mouth, "Shut up." I say as I hold her head in place and wrap my legs around hers to keep her from kneeing me. "Just five more minutes and I'll let you up. You can kick my ass all you want. I just want to feel you. Five minutes, that's all."

It takes a second but she relaxes in my hold. Her arms, pinned by my own, slide up as much they can and slip around my back. Her tensed body relaxes all the way and I can feel that she sighs. "Fine." she says, as I unwind my legs from hers. "I just… you know… It's wearying. Izuru-san just left, and I felt like he may come back in…"

"For what?" I interrupt.

"I don't know; anything," she says, snapping, sounding annoyed. She sighs again and after a minute, her voice comes softer. "I know he won't. It's just, I don't know, nerves I guess."

I sigh too, hating that she should have to think like that, that it has to be this way.

"Yeah, I know."

We lay in comfortable silence. Rukia shifts in my arms and moves her way up my body some. My stomach lurches at the feel of her, _all_ of her, sliding her body up and along mine. It's a good lurching though, and it only intensifies as she ghosts kisses along my jaw; along my ear, at my temple. I resist, and I swear I have to resist _so hard_ not to let it, _this_, go any farther; not to grab her hand and guide it down, down to that hot and hardening part of me that's beginning to ache.

I still can't believe what happened those few weeks ago, Rukia doing what she did. I still get chills when I think about it, where her hand had been, and what she'd _done_ with that hand. I had never thought that things would go so far. I had imagined it… fuck, I'd imagined it so often, but I never thought it would happen. The feel of her hand wrapped around my length was seriously The. Best. Thing. Every time I think about it it gets me so hot, so hot that I've just _had_ to get off. But it's not the same anymore, using my own hand. It'll never be the same again, and I don't know if that's depressing or not.

But I grip her hand in place at my waist as she snakes it up and underneath my shirt. I want more. I want more so bad it's like a palpable want and need, but I don't want it here. Here in this mental hospital, in my jail-cell like room. I don't' want to have to rush through it, the sex, or anything else I do with Rukia. I don't want to have that fear of getting caught somewhere in the back of my mind while we do it. It's - it was nerve wrecking then, I can only imagine it'd be ten times worse if we did something more.

Dammit all…

Rukia takes me stilling her hand as it is and doesn't keep fondling me, though deep down inside I'm kicking myself in the ass for stopping her.

We lay there in silence a brief moment more when Rukia, again, starts to shift in my arms, trying to slide and roll off of me. I sigh and let her go, knowing it will ease her heart to be out of my embrace on the off chance that someone decides to come in.

"Ichigo?" Her voice comes to me after a while, smaller and quieter than it was earlier as she fought with me. I turn my head to the side.

She's sitting up and off to my right now, close to the edge of the bed, one foot dangling off the edge and the other leg folded beneath her.

She looks at me seriously, those fine black brows drawn slightly together. She sighs and looks off to the side, and back to me quickly.

"Your evaluations, Ichigo, how have they been going?"

I resist the urge to balk up and stiffen at her question. I suck in a calming breath silently, and exhale just as silently. Carefully, very carefully, I keep my face blank and neutral.

"I… suppose they go okay. S'not like that psych doc tells me anything about them before he leaves."

"Izuru," she mutters absently, reaching up and tugging and fingering at the ends of her hair distractedly. Then, looking back over to me, "So, you've told them… how well things have been for you?"

She stares at me so intently, too intently, mauve-ish colored eyes still looking at me, oddly… worried. I can't hold that gaze, not at all, since I know I'm about to lie, and about something she feels so strongly for. I look away from her, turning my head so that I'm back to staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah, I've told him."

**~Rukia POV~**

"Grimmjow, I think Ichigo is going to be released soon. And if not soon, he's going to be considered for it."

I'm sitting next to Grimm on his bed, both our are legs stretched out in front of us. Mine, of course, don't reach as far as his do, feet hitting at about where his calf starts. He made sure to laugh at that.

"How do you figure?" he drawls, throwing his arms back and crossing them behind his head, using them as a pillow.

"He, well, he's getting better," I say bluntly. I stray from saying anything to him that may hint at Ichigo's _issue_. HIPPA regulations and all that. Plus, it's not my place to say. Ichigo had a hard enough time deciding whether or not to tell me all those months ago. It'd be wrong of me to take a part of him that he's been trying so hard to fix, a part of him that he pretty much hated, and share it with another.

Grimm looks to me from the corner of his eye. "How do you know that?"

"Because he - he told me,"

Grimm turns his head all the way to look at me now. Blue, blue eyes looking to bright and like they've got wheels and gears turning behind them. I wonder to myself why what I just said would have him thinking so hard.

"S'that so?"

"Yeah."

A blue brow raises as he looks away and drops his hands from behind his head. He shrugs but slowly words his next sentence.

"And why would him getting released be a problem?"

I open my mouth but close it immediately afterwards.

I haven't told Grimmjow about me and Ichigo, about my ever strengthening feelings for him, not in so many words, at least. He knows I care for him deeply, knows _something_ intimate has happened between the two of us. I never told him. I still don't know how he knows but I've accepted the fact that he does. And because I know he knows, I've been more open with him recently. I've told him about some things that have happened and I know I let my enthusiasm slip through, even a bright smile or two, when I mention Ichigo. So he knows how I feel about him, in a way. And he probably knows that what he said would have a kind of affect on me.

But his question is one that has been conflicting me for days. Grimm asking me that in his uncharacteristically cautious voice has me feeling all kinds of unhappy and I frown to myself. Because I _should_ be happy about the prospect of Ichigo getting released, and there shouldn't _be_ a problem with it at all.

"I don't know," I finally sigh out, annoyed with myself and the way my thoughts have been lately. Grimmjow says nothing.

We sit in silence another couple of minutes and my mind had begun to wander when I hear Grimm speak up again.

"How would you feel if I got released?"

I glance over to him quickly, thrown off by his question. He's facing forward now, arms folded comfortably behind his head again. He doesn't return my gaze.

"Well," I fiddle with my fingers a bit, honestly uncomfortable with the thought of Grimmjow being released, too, but for different reasons than Ichigo. "Well, I'd be happy for you, Grimm. And excited, because I know you want out of here. It - it would make me happy if you got released, because I know that's what you'd want."

"Tch," he scoffs, then looks over to me, grinning, more like an over-bearing of sharp, white teeth. "You're such a fucking sap."

I scowl softly at his words, and after a minute or a few he nods to himself. "You'd be happy for me?"

I nod. "I'd be happy for you."

And I wish that's how I could feel about Ichigo being released. It's not. I just have roiling knots kinking up on themselves in my stomach instead.

* * *

I'm in the break room on the first floor, gathering my jacket and scarf to get ready to go. The rest of the day was short and peaceful as I was finally able to get my thoughts off of a discharged Ichigo and my ever impending doom at the prospect of that happening.

Byakuya and I actually had a decent day. He wasn't rude to me in his strangely eloquent way, was actually fairly engaging and pleasant, and I've never seen him like that. It was refreshing. Ayasegawa was his usual self. Only Ikkaku had me worried today. He'd seemed to have drawn into himself. It's just as if he'd wanted to be left alone. I honestly think he's sulking because Tatsuki hasn't been back to visit him like she'd said she would. I smile wistfully at the thought of those two when voices interrupt those thoughts and two people walk into the room.

"Do you think we should up his medication, Unohana-san?"

I glance up to see Izuru and the head of the mental ward, Unohana-san. They walk in side by side, glancing over an open manila folder in Izuru's hands together.

"Not at this point, Kira-san. He hasn't displayed any undesirable behavior or acted out on any of those negativities mentioned in your evaluation. We don't want to over-medicate him. And perhaps he's working towards recovery in his own way."

Izuru-sans' eyes glance up and lock with mine briefly. "Perhaps."

I turn and finish putting on my jacket and wrapping the scarf around my neck. After I'm finished, I walk briskly towards the door, so as not to seem like I'm really sticking around to be nosy.

"It's just that, Kurosaki Ichigo, he _seems_ very unstable, the things he says and the emotions that he displays during our evaluations. I don't see it, though."

Izuru's words have me literally stopping mid-step.

Six or ten or twelve different emotions rush through me in that instant, the instant immediately after those words left his mouth. I stand there, trying to understand what he just said, figure out if he's taking about _my _Ichigo, my sweet and innocent and definitely _not_ 'very unstable' Kurosaki Ichigo. My hands shake minutely.

"Ku - Kuchiki-san?"

I start out of my thoughts and jump, whirling around to see the two of them eyeing me in a worried manner. I recover quicker than I thought possible.

"Yes?"

"You're alright? You seemed - just now…"

"Oh, I'm fine," I smile at them forcibly. "I had felt a little faint for a moment, but it passed."

"Are you certain…?" Izuru asks. I nod my head.

"I'm fine. I'll be leaving, now" I mutter while dipping my head a bit respectively.

I'm not fine, though. I'm on the verge of angry tears and I rush from that room into the records area, knowing I wont be able to keep it together long enough to make it to the front door. Iemura-san isn't in here, thank the fucking gods.

I walk over into the adjacent office and lay my palms flat on the table, breathing hard and trying very goddamn hard not to let the tears fall.

I'm beyond mad. I'm beyond pissed, that Ichigo is still lying at evaluations, and to find out that he lied to me _just today._

"_Your evaluations, Ichigo, how have they been going?"_

"_I… suppose they go okay…_

"_So, you've told them… how well things have been for you?_

"_Yeah, I've told them."_

Apparently fucking not.

I straighten up and run a hand through my hair, sucking in a heavy breath.

I - I don't get it. I don't get it at all, why he feels the need to lie about his progress. A month or so now that he's been doing so well, telling me all about how in control he is now, how he thinks he can beat his disorder all the way. So why? Why does he lie about what's going on with him in the evals?

He lied to me, too, again, and that just… hurts me, more than I'd like to admit. But more than the hurt, I feel anger. I'm so, so angry. It's maddening!

I _know_ he wants to get released, I _know _it. For his sisters, for his mom and dad. He's _told_ me this. But at this rate, with this habit of lying, he'll be stuck in here forever. Because I know he will _not _be considered a potential release patient with him making them believe he's a liability.

And even though I'm beside myself at times over wanting him to staying, knowing I may be in shambles when he _is_ discharged, I know and care enough about him to know that I would never stop him from leaving.

I've been so ready to sacrifice my happiness over his, because I just knew he'd be happy when he got that release notice, that I was always willing, deep in my heart, to let him go and have his life outside of Seireitei. Because I knew that with his family, he could find that true happiness that I was only filling in for. So I do not goddamn _get_ _it_, why he will not fucking say it, that the voices are not that bad.

It doesn't just anger me, though. It scares me. What type of harm have his lies done in his chances of getting released any time soon? Soon as in within the next year? Unohana-san and Izuru-san, the way they spoke to each other, made it seem as though Ichigo is some unpredictable, ticking time bomb. Like they'll want to really keep an eye on him in case he spontaneously decides to act out on whatever lies he's said in these evals.

I want to tell Unohana-san that what he's been saying in his evaluations is false. I want to so badly, but inside myself, I know she won't listen. It'll be just like last time. When I put so much hype on Ichigo just to have her perform an eval herself where he lies. I'm seriously fucking beside myself with frustration and anger!

I think about his family again, those twin girls that I imagine will have some of his features. Those two little girls, growing up and knowing they have an older brother, but not having him be a significant part of their lives. I think about the mother and father that I know must miss him so much. And then I think about _him, _and how he's merrily lying away at evals for whatever reason, ruining his chances at getting released so he can be with that family that I just know love and miss him so much.

I'm angry and I'm impulsive when angry. An idea that I don't know whether or not I should follow pops into my head, one that I think could allow him to be with his family again, regardless of his state of discharge or not.

I look down at my hands flattened on the table. They are white around the fingertips, where my hand pushes extra hard into the table. I pull them off and walk briskly into the records part of the room, swiftly pulling a file from the 'K' section. I go back to the other area of the room and flip through the folder, finding what I want and looking over at the phone.

I pick it up, the phone, with nervous, anxious fingers and a shaky hand, dialing the number.

I count the rings.

One, two, three, four.

In the middle of the fifth ring, someone picks up the phone.

"Moshi moshi," the voice says, all high pitched and very girlish, so sweet sounding.

"Hello? May I speak with Mr. or Mrs. Kurosaki?

* * *

**A/N: **I know words cannot express how ridiculous it is that I haven't updated in a _year and several months_.. I'm sorry. Just, what can I say except I had no desire to write for this. It's not that I didn't _want_ to, cause I did. I just couldn't. Nothing would come to me. And even though I finished a new chap (go me! it's 6 am!), I'm not in love with the ending. *sigh*

Anyways, a lot happened there, towards the end, and I think it feels cluttered and rushed. D: Well, it is what it is, and I doubt had I let it sit for another several months, that it would've come out any better.

Alas, thanks for the reviews, favs, alerts to my previous chapters! Some of those reviews were enough to get me to sit down and hash out _something_, even if it wasn't more than a paragraph or two. As always, I appreciate the support!


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